POST-EUPHORIC IMMERSION SYNDROME: JUNE EDITION

POST-EUPHORIC IMMERSION SYNDROME: JUNE EDITION

By Swissvale72

Here we are Steeler brothers and sisters, 4 months Post-Super Bowl, closer to the next season than to the oh-so-glorious 05 campaign, and I�m still proud as hell, developed a strut, behind enemy lines in New England.

 As always a little background:  A couple of Christmases back, Mrs. Swiss bought me a long-wanted Steelers wheel cover. A couple problems with this: Our CRV, on which one would place a wheel cover is her car. I get to drive it when it needs its oil changed, needs inspected you get the picture. Me, I�m relegated to a 97 Nissan Quest minivan, just gone over 200,000 miles and multi-dented. Thats right, me the Soccer Mom; bought the goddamn thing when the kids were 4 & 7. Can�t kill it, its still around and I�m usually in it by myself.  What an embarrassment.  It has its share of Steelers stickers, though. Now, the situation is worsened by Mrs. Swiss not wanting the wheel cover on HER car (I know begs the question of why the fuck she bought me the goddamn wheel cover in the first place?). I do sneak it onto the CRV now & then, usually under cover of darkness. She goes along with it until she�s driving along minding her own business, and some New England asshole flips her the bird, cuts her off, etc. Any driving mishaps, road rage and Mrs. Swiss blames it on the wheel cover.

Anyway, had a glorious PEIS (Post-Euphoric Immersion Syndrome) day on Tuesday. Mrs. Swiss & I take the same route to work. I always let her leave the driveway first; not because its the gentlemanly thing to do, but so I can look at my Steelers wheel cover the whole way down the F.E. Everett Turnpike. This particular ride is made even more joyous on Tuesday, as I pass a vehicle that has a Patriots bumper sticker. I pass him, cut in quickly, slow down abruptly offering said driver a good long look at my Steelers FIVE-time Super Bowl Champions sticker, as well as my Steelers logo sticker.

My schedule on Tuesday required me to train new staff in behavior management techniques. These are ten people that I�m just meeting that day, largely 22 & 23-year old recent college graduates, hoping to change the world with their initial foray into social services, where the needy children will welcome their goodwill & generosity. More than one, after being repeatedly called a stupid mother-fuckin whore by a 9-year old, has thoughtfully said, this is the craziest place I�ve ever seen given about 5-minutes notice, and walked out the door, never looking back.

Having been the CEO of this place for more than 20 years, I have several advantages. I can act like I own the place, even though nobody really owns the place. I report to a volunteer Board of Directors, all of whom have other jobs, and can�t worry too- too much about what the fuck I�m doing. So I�m free to play the Steelers fight song (Here We Go) over the intercom, chat with you asshats online, have fellow Steelers fans deliver the keynote address at my Annual Meeting (see previous article), and address new staff in the following manner.

Good morning. I see that some of you are wearing Red Sox shirts, hats, etc. today. You all should know that I�m a lifelong fan of the FIVE-time Super Bowl Champion Pittsburgh Steelers. I could tell you that I hate your New England Patriots. In fact, I despise your New England Patriots. I�m generally cool with the Red Sox. There are times though, that my hatred of the Patriots is so intense, that I�ve just go to hate the Red Sox, too. I laugh, nobody else laughs, and they look at me bewildered. They look at each other bewildered. Their looks belie a sense of Shit; this fuckin guy runs the place? What the fuck did we get ourselves into? In fact, it may be worse than being called a stupid mother-fuckin whore by the children that afternoon. The kids have all had lifetimes of rejection, abandonment and heartbreak. I was raised by a loving Pittsburgh family, what�s my excuse? One guy though is quietly laughing his ass off. Great one, New Englander with a sense of humor!! I probe further. He�s a New Englander all right, but from Connecticut. Yankees fan and Giants fan! I gently remind one young woman, wearing a Red Sox shirt with the #18 on the back that Johnny Damon no longer plays with the Red Sox and tell her that that�s okay, try owning a #10 Kordell Stewart jersey; he never helped my team win shit.

Later that night, I go to my son�s end-of-year band concert at the middle school. He supposedly plays the trumpet. I pay $19 a month to rent this goddamn horn; I�ve yet to see it in my house. The 7^th grade band is on the stage. We�re seated in a flat surface beneath. I still haven�t seen the goddamn horn or him playing it.

�Where�s Anthony?�, I ask Mrs. Swiss. Don�t know, she says. My 16-year-old daughter is no help. She�s come along to her brothers band concert, but is seated wearing headphones, and reading a trashy paperback, and objects to any interruption in her solitary activity. That�s until one of her friends whose brother is also in 7^th grade sits next to her. This young lady has a pierced lip, eyebrow, nose ring perhaps other body parts that I cant see. When my kid wanted her ear pierced at age 10, I made her sign a contract that she would have no other body part pierced during her minority. So far� she�s lived up to the contract, much to her chagrin. The concert ends and the Band Director calls on each row to stand up. Still no Anthony. Was he really there? We ask him later if he stood up when Mr. Brunell introduced his row. No, he says, "me & Liam (who�s+3 a Bills fanHAHAHA) didn�t stand." Still haven�t seen the goddamn horn that I pay for every month.

Anyway, I tell this story, because I sit down, turn around, and who�s there, but Jim the Browns Fan. Jim the Browns Fan is actually a very nice guy. He and his wife donate to the children�s home. I send him thank you letters with little Steelers stickers on them. I greet Jim the Browns Fan with a big smile, a handshake, and say �Hey Jim, we gonna own ya again this year?� I laugh like a fuckin hyena. Jim doesn�t laugh. Nobody else thinks it�s funny. The New England anti sense of humor has afflicted Jim as well. Browns fans are such easy marks!!

What a week..Steeler visit to the White House, Super Bowl Ring Ceremony and a chance to spread the Steelers word to the heathen population of New England. My affliction of Post-Euphoric Immersion Syndrome is as strong as ever. It�s all good!!