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Stillers-PoeBirds Postgame Analysis and Grades

December 02, 2020 by Still Mill

Stillers 19, Poebirds 14.... Dec 2, 2020 …………Game # 11


Stillers-PoeBirds Postgame Analysis and Grades


The Stillers finally hosted the Covid-laden Ratbirds on an odd Wed. afternoon tilt.    The Woodpeckers were a depleted foe, with over a dozen players sitting out, including their starting QB, their two top RBs, and stud DT Brandon Williams.  Sure as shit, of course, Mike Asslin’s team came out soft, and flat, and then had to scuffle and claw for over 3-1/2 quarters.  The game seemed fairly in hand late in the 4Q, but then Terrell Edmunds somehow thought he was a ballhawking safety, and a 12 yard pass ended up going 70 for a TD.   After a hideous lob pass that was somehow snared by James Wash, the Stillers finally salted away this game.




QB:   Ben had a so-so game.  Hung the ball too much, deep ball to Chase, 2d play of game.   Pass to Ebron on 3d & goal was BEHIND the TE, and thus Ebron was stopped on his RAC at the 1.   This shoulda been 6.  Then threw a babyfied lollipop to NO ONE that was INT’d on the next play, when he initially had Watt WIDE open on the quick slant.    The late-game lollipop lob to Wash, in the middle of the field with 3 nearby defenders, literally gave me a mini heart attack.    Sure, Ben was victimized by what seemed like 11 dropped passes, but still, a so-so outing.    B




Conner –  Sat out due to Covid. 


Samuels – sat out due to injury.


Snell –   pussed out on early 1st & goal toss sweep…ran OOB like a complete faggott.   Came up with some big runs in the 4Q to help set up the TD, and then to run out the clock.  Had 16 rushes for 60, plus 3 grabs for 33.   Not shabby.   B+


McFarland – good grab and RAC, late 1Q.  It gained 17 yards, and, of course, he was never used in the passing game again.  Had 3 rushes for 9 yards.    B


FB:    Watt played sparingly at FB.        



JuJu –  clutch 3rd down grab to move the chains, late 1Q.  Great stiff arm and then ran over the DB, 4Q.  2 plays later, snared a TD pass to make it 18-7 (before the PAT).   Had 8 grabs, tho for a puny 37 yards.   Did have one drop in the 2H.  A-


Wash -  Failed to haul in what woulda been a tough grab in the EZ.   Made a stellar grab and tuck late in the game on the lollipop lob pass.  If this pass falls incomplete, the Stillers punt, and who knows if this softee defense would have held off the Birds.    B


Dionte -  Had 8 grabs for 46….and also dropped THREE or maybe even four passes.   Not a good outing.    C-


Claypool – dropped deep lob, 2nd play of game.   Had another drop later in the game.   Had 6 grabs, but for a piddly 52 yards.   B-


RayRay – Had 1 grab for 8.  



McDonald – Never targeted.  Had some okay blocks.   


Ebron – seemed soft and timid on his 1Q RACs.   Huge grab, 26 yards, early 2Q….on a tough grab in tight coverage.      3d & 2, mid 4Q – DROP, his 3rd of the fuking game.   Had 7 grabs, but overall, his RAC work really annoyed me this game….had ZERO explosion or “want” after the catch.    C+



OL:  Overall, the line gave Ben decent protection, although the Ratbirds managed to leak in some pressure here and there.   The run blocking was mostly barf.   Pukes Okorafor got shoved onto his back on one ground play in hilarious fashion.      JC Assenauer – failed to block ANYONE on the early 3d & 5, forcing an inc pass. He looked and looked, as two rushers went INCHES from him, yet never actually BLOCKED anyone.  What an assjack.    Also, at least 84% of his SG snaps were HIGH, for a 6-5” QB.          Al Villa allowed Nkogwue to nip Ben on a 3Q pass attempt.        B-




Heyward – The $65M Man had ONE solo all game long…..  a sack, 1Q, on a swim move.   That was it.   For the entire game, against a ravaged O-line.   He also had a 15-yard pers foul flag, although I thought it was entirely ticky tack and unwarranted.     C+


Tuitt – sat out with covid.


Alu – stupid offsides flag, 4Q.   Had a couple decent plays.      B


Mondeaux – made a couple stops.




Vinnie – Odd game, in which he had ONE solo.  That’s it.   Granted, he sat a lot in packages.   


Spillane – piled up some slop stops.    Horribly mis-played the RG3 keeper for 9 yards that set up 1st and goal in the 1Q.   Had a variety of struggles, and is obviously a man the Raven O is keyed on to pick on.     B-


Watt – Had 4 solos, with 2 sacks.   No solo was bigger than his slash-in late in the 1H to stop the FB plunge from the 1 yard line.    Even covered Hollywood Brown on an deep lob in the 2Q, with coverage far better than Clodfoot Edmunds.      A-


Crud Dupree – piled up a variety of Dong stops, such as plays that were completely strung out on the other side, with the RB cutting back.  Or the one play, where Balt ran up left tackle, and Crud got the solo…only after a SIX yard gainer.    On pass rushing, Crud just played pattycakes with the LT, or tried to go waaaaay around the Horn of Africa in futility.    Crud gimpily tore his ACL in the 4Q, thereby ending his Stiller career and mercifully allowing the better Highsmith to now start at ROLB.    C


Odeniyi – played a bit here and there. 


Lowsmith – saw some PT.   Committed an offsides in the 4Q.   Will now start the rest of the season.  


Williamson – after being acquired, what, 9 weeks ago, he was finally permitted to play some snaps on defense.  Played ok, although he showed that he, too, doesn’t have anything near the speed that Bush had. 


Allen – played the QB draw like dick in the 1H, allowing huge yardage by RG3.   C




Haden – Had the early pick 6 for a big score.   Also had the sense to drag down RG3 on the long 39-yard scamper, when pretty much the entire defense was simply walking around with thumbs up buttocks. 


Nelson –   big lick n stick, 3rd down, 1st drive.   Nicely done.  But, didn’t do a single thing the entire rest of the game.  Very odd.     B-


Hilton – He missed the last PoeBird game, and I thought he’d be a big boost.  Instead, he was a big zero.  Had 2 solos and pretty much did little.     C+


Edmunds – was having an acceptable game, making two 3rd down stops to force punts.   Must have been feeling his oats, because with only 3 min left in a 12 point game, Edmunds suddenly thinks he’s some sort of ball-hawking safety – which he clearly is not – and then takes a hideous, and LATE, angle at a routine out-curl pass to Brown.   Sure as shit, he WHIFFS COMPLETELY, allowing Brown to saunter down the sideline to make it a 5-point game.   What in the fuking hell would go thru a fellow’s mind, in his THIRD season in the NFL, to make such a jack-fuking-stupid decision at THAT juncture of the game ???     D-


Minkah -  saved a TD on the final play of the 1H when he RAKED a sure TD grab out of the TE’s hands.  Dropped an easy INT, 5:25 4Q.   Had he snared that INT, the game was likely over at that point.    B  


Sutton – quiet game as well, realizing the Birds didn’t pass that much.  


Spec teams:  

Berry– punted 4 times for a 44 yard average.   Shitty pooch punt, mid 4Q….30 yards, FC at the 14.  Ya want the ball to land around the 7, and then down it at the 1.    B


Boswell – 2 for 2 on FGs.  But, his 1H KOs were fuking awful and short, and he also missed yet another PAT.   It’s getting to the point where I have to literally hold my breath every time this pud-puller lines up for a PAT.   C-


RaeRae – awful punt return fumble, 1Q.   He allowed the ball to CLANG off his shoulder pad/mask, which is the kiss of death for a punt returner.   F  


Odenyini was flagged for a hold, opening KO of 4Q.  


OC:  Randy Sphincter again oversaw a rabid grab-bag of simply random playcalls.   No set-ups.   No moving pocket, nor moving Ben around a wee  bit.  No jet sweeps.  No screen passes, until 50 minutes of the game had elapsed.  The team only trailed by ONE measly point in the 1Q, and from 4 minutes left in the 1st half, was AHEAD for the remainder of the game……yet somehow the offense saw fit to fling the ball 51 (fifty one) times.   Go fuking figure.  I’ll say again – this constant love affair with the passing game, and the despising of the ground game, is going to come home to roost in ugly weather come playoff time.    D-



Keith Assler had the luxury of facing a backup QB, a woeful Oline, and the top 2 RBs sitting out…..and all the while, the Birds had ONE practice to prep for this game.   Yet sure as shit, Assler was continually befuddled and flummoxed by the weak-assed, putrid PoeBird offense.   3rd and fuking LONG, and ya know there’s an 85% RG3 will run a designed QB draw…..and he does it anyway, with Assler completely unprepared.   A complete pilo shoit like Trace McSorley enters the game, and Assler promptly allows a 70-yard TD.  Were it not for the TD-saving play by Minkah on the final play of the 1H, the PoeBirds would have been in front 14-12, and who the fuk knows how this game woulda played out.   Then you add a 12-men on the field penalty, and you see a colossal piece of preparation and in-game management that was run afoul by Assler.    F



HC:  Just as expected when facing a downtrodden, inept, depleted & ravaged foe, Mike Asslin oversaw a rabid avalanche of silly-fuk, dumb-assified boners and mistakes that you’d expect out of a middle school team in its first game of the season.    Dropped passes galore.   Defenders unable to read ANYTHING and often unable to make simple, routine tackles.  A dropped punt.   Slop n’ vomit all over the field, with the only ferocity and toughness ALL game long displayed by a fuking WR, Smith-Schuster.   Both sides of the football playing grabass with a vastly outmanned, out-talented foe.   Coach Asslin said in his post-game presser -- "That was JV tonite by us."    Yes indeed....and that was JV head coaching at its finest.   Shit preparation, and shit adjustments the entire game.   Exactly what in the sam fuking hell was Stoogelin and his players doing the past TEN days?    Watching hours and hours of gay porn?    Playing XBox video games?     Sitting around guzzling jugs of fancy liqueur ?      Or all three combined?     What a goatscrew.  The Woodpeckers practiced ONCE – just once – in prep for this game, uyet it was the Stillers who were disorganized and a step behind most of the game.  And Stoogelin said in his presser, “Us sucking”.   Yeah, and that giant sucking sound starts with the vaunted head coach, Mike Asslin.  F


Synopsis:  A flimsy win full of slop n’ slather, eerily similar to the thin win over the Dallas Cowpokes.  Ya keep playin’ with fire…yer gonna burned, and we can only hope that happens in the reg season, not the playoffs.   This team appears to be a bit too smug, too arrogant, and too careless right now, and cheap, flimsy wins don’t help reinforce the lesson, especially with this particular coaching staff.



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