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Stillers-Cards Postgame Analysis and Grades

October 19, 2015 by Still Mill

Stillers 25, Cards 13 ……. Oct 18, 2015…………Game # 6


Stillers-Cards Postgame Analysis and Grades

 The Stillers got whipped around the entire first half, getting tooled and abused on both sides of the ball.   The Cards outgained the Stillers in the half, 280 to 59.   Amazingly, they were only down 10-3 at the half.   In the 3Q, things got worse, as Vick was injured.    Laundry Jones came in, and unbelievably, led the Stillers to a couple TDs, aided greatly by the sheer athleticism of Martavis Bryant.     The Stillers went on to stun the Cards, 25-13.  




QB:   Vick had an awful 1H, throwing for a grand total of 6 yards.  Just putrid.    Mercifully, he injured a ham in the 3Q and did not return.    Finished 3 for 8 for 6 yards.   Hopefully has played in his last game as a Stiller.   D-


Laundry Jones:   came in for the injured Vick.    Hit Bryant for a TD, then threw an awful INT on the 2 pointer.  Hideous pass behind a wide open AB, 5:00 3Q.    He managed to calibrate some of his passes, and then hit a huge slant to Bryant that was taken to the house for a dagger TD.     Went 8 of 12 for 168.    B+



Bell -  Stutter Bell had a solid game amid horrendous blocking by a soft O-line.   Had 88 yards on 24 rushes.    Unbelievably, did not have a pass catch.    B


DeAngelo – Got a token ONE carry and was never involved in the passing game.    I’m sure he fully understands by now how L. Blount felt last season.    Inc 


Archer:  Pee Pee Archer did nothing at RB.  Thankfully he never touched the ball.   



Will Johnson, Nix - marginal blocking.  



Brownie – had only 3 grabs for 24, hurt significantly by both scattershot passing of Vick and Jones.     B


Pinkie Wheaton –  dropped a deep crosser after a big hit, 2Q.   Had 1 grab for 8 yards.   Flagged for a stupid, needless block to the back on a QB scramble.  Seeing Bryant flourish in his 1st game back, I now see the extreme weak link on this offense…..a pile of manure serving as an imposter at the #2 WR spot.     D- 


Archer:   PeePee did nothing, as usual.   


Bryant -  got his 1st action of the season, and responded with a BANG !     6 grabs, 137 yards, 2 TDs.  Huge RAC late in the game to ice the game on a stellar piece of athleticism and vision.   Well done.   A+  


Heyward-Gay – Did nothing with Bryant back.  



Miller – Only 1 grab for 5.  Ok blocking.      C+ 


Spaeth – wasted oxygen.  



Beacham  -  looked like a complete turd on the 3d & 1 plunge, 1Q, standing around with his hand jammed up his ass.  Got his leg bent inwards, 2Q, in a hideous fashion, and left the game.   He’s done for the season, and thankfully, we can only hope Doltbert and Dumblin give up on the farce of using a 6-3” OT, which does not exist on ANY other team in the NFL.   Go look it up.   


Villenueva – replaced Beachbum.    Played solidly.   Looks to be 5 times better than BeachBum.   A


Gilbert -  FatAss Marcus had shoddy run blocking, but wasn’t grossly abused in pass pro.


Foster –  pitiful run blocking.  


Cody Wallace –  ditto.  Flagged for a hold on a running play, which enraged me.  


DeCastro –  shoddy run blocking.   



McLendon -  Did very, very little.     C


Heyward – blew up a 2nd & 2 running play, early 2Q.  Devoured a running play, mid 2Q.  Had a stellar game.    A 


Tuitt – chipped in some.    Got nicked up with a piss ant injury, but still too quiet.    B-



Timmons –  incredible INT, 1H.   Superb hands and focus.    Solid overall effort.  


Shaquier – again did not play, due to sore vagina.   F


Spence –  That long WR screen and run by Fitz, 2Q ?   ALL due to Pussy Sean Spence, who weakly flailed and whiffed on Fitz right near the LOS.   A dogshit play by a dogshit player.     Very mediocre game.    Now the BeachBum is gone for the season, Spence becomes the staff’s favorite coach’s pet.    C


Vinnie - got a ton of snaps as well.    Didn’t even make it on the stat sheet.     C- 


Moats - solid game.   Applied a big lick on a 3d down run in the 3Q.      B  


Harrison – Failed to stop a screen pass, late 2Q, which ended up gaining about 15.   Forced a fumble & turnover, 3Q.   Good bullrush, 3Q, and got an ankle-grab sack.      B+


Jones –  did not dress, due to a hip.   Apparently he hangs around with Ryan Shaquier too much.   


Dupree – got some PT, but did little.   



Will Allen – did not dress, due to injury.    


Mitchell – In the 1Q, stood around with thumb up ass, and allowed Ellington to be WIDE open – by 35 feet – for a long grab on 3rd down that set up AZ with 1st & Goal.    In the 4Q, we saw the rarest of rare birds… INT by a FREE SAFETY !!     Go figure !    Bitchell picked off Carson LipBalmer, who made a horrible decision to fire into double coverage.   


Gay  -  nabbed Kris Johnson on a run, late 4Q.  


Blake –  totally abused and humiliated by Floyd on a simple slant route for the opening TD.    A shit eating play by a shit eating player.    Got picked on repeatedly the entire game.   Shoddy talking most of the game.   D+ 


Golden –  Got the start in place of Will Allen.   Busted up a deep flag, 2Q.  


Sharko Thomas – not permitted to play on defense.   He might get some PT in 2017.  


C. Allen -  again did not dress.   Perhaps he’ll dress come Dec.   


Boykin – not permitted to play on defense.    He might get some PT next year. 


Cokrell - tooled here and there.   Flagged for 2 PIs.    C+


Spec teams:  

Jordan Berry – punted ok.  Shitty early punt, all of 31 yards that gave AZ golden FP for their first TD.   Vomity punt, 2Q, with no hang time, returned 17 yards.    Got off a 79 yard punt, with help of a roll, late in the 2Q.    B- 


Boswell – booted a 47 yard FG, 2Q.   Bested that with a 51-yard FG late in the 3Q.    Dude is 6 times the PK that Suisham and Scobee were.    A+


Archer – Pee Pee  - late in the 2Q, he daringly took a KO one yard deep in the EZ, and then ran….and ran…and ran…..alllll the way to….his own 14.   He’s just so fast, and elusive, and quick, too !!    He reminds me of Devin Hester, only faster and better….!!       Someone please remind me why this staff insists on wasting a scarce spot on the 45-man activation on this pile o’ manure??     D- 


AB –  did nothing in the punt return game.  




Mid 4Q, 3d & 6 at the AZ 8-yard line, and Haley calls for his clever “fake end around, line plunge” to Bell, which gets engulfed.   What a gutless pussy.    Yes, Jones sux.  So what?   You have to take a STAB at the EZ or at least the 2 yard line on this play.  Perhaps a PI flag will be thrown.   Perhaps Bryant or AB makes a circus catch.    Running a mindless plunge is as gutless as it gets.  


I despised the fact that Bell caught no passes.   For a RB with THAT good of hands, with a timid, scattershot Vick and a greenhorn in Jones, why would you not get a few flares or curls to Bell ???     Ditto for Miller, who had only 1 grab.    These 2 should be security blankets for timid QBs, and should combine for a minimum of 8 grabs per game.   C-  



Keith Assler had a wretched 1st half, getting the ball jammed down his throat by air and ground.  


Assler also went far too soft on that late-game AZ drive.   Only a foolish decision by LipBalmer saved Buttt-ler’s bacon.     Allowed LipBalmer to throw for 421, which is his 2nd highest ever.    C-  


HC:  Mike Dumblin lucks out, aided by Idiot Arians and Carson LipBalmer.  


True to his nickname of “2 point Tomlin”, it was a moronic decision to go for 2, 3Q.   You have the bumbling Landry Jones at QB with all of 4 plays under his NFL belt, and Dumbass Dumblin decides to go for 2 ????      This is the same Dumblin who once insisted on going for 2 from the 12 yard line in an AFC wild card game vs. Jax.    2 straight wins…’s time for Dumblin’s team to have a shoddy, sloppy let-down and lay an egg.   


Synopsis:  A stunning victory, overcoming the horrific play of Michael Lick and then having to play with Laundry Jones at QB.    Damn.  Kudos to the entire squad for sticking together and fighting and clawing amid severe adversity.   Next up, the KC Chefs, who often have been a thorn in the side of the Stillers over the years.   Look for an egg-lay as the entire team overlooks woebegone KC in view of facing Cinci the week after. 



(Still Mill and -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close….)

Follow Mill on Twitter, at StillMill1


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