MY ASS WAS IN THE HOUSE
�I�ve got the ducats
By Swissvale72
My 52 years on this earth doesn�t include attendance at World Series, Olympics, or the Bobby Fischer/Boris Spassky duel in
Anyway, none of you asshats might give a shit, but I�m telling yinz anyway.
Steeler Football (in chronological order):
1. September 19, 1965: Packers- 41 Steelers-9
My first Steeler game. Me and my brother, TonyV15220 attended. We splurged�.well, Tony splurged, paid 4 bucks a ticket to sit Pitt Stadium�s lower end zone, and save ourselves a walk to the top of DeSoto Street, Cardiac Hill. I was a roly-poly ten-year-old, would�ve been huffing & puffing. John Henry Johnson�s career ended with his 4th carry early in the game. Steelers led 9-7 at halftime, then fell apart, on their way to a 2-12 season. Mike Nixon was the Head Coach, hired when the third most successful coach in Steelers history, Raymond (Buddy) Parker skipped out with about a week to go before the opener.
Tony & I WALKED the fuck home to Swissvale after the game�..was like the fuckin� Bataan Death March�.Oakland to Swissvale, no short hike�.what the FUCK was he thinking�..think he was trying to kill me. Digression as usual, when I was in kindergarten, Tony was in 8th grade, only time in our lives we were in the same school. He had to walk me to school. He held my neck with his hand, locked his elbow, and walked as fast as he could�.I had to keep up�.bastard!!
My first Steeler memory was actually the final game of the �63 season. A win or a tie against the Giants would give the Steelers the Eastern Division Championship. Buddy Dial was on a pre-game show, he lifted up his foot, where in chalk, written on the bottom of his shoe, was �Go Steelers.� My dad said, �If I had a hundred bucks, I�d bet it on the Steelers.� Good thing Dad didn�t have the bill; Steelers lost to the Jints 33-14, Ed Brown picked a hellluva time to go on the wagon, couldn�t pass for shit. Was Buddy Dial�s last game. He was traded to the Cowboy s for the fuckin� RIGHTS to Scott Appleton.
2. October 27, 1968: Steelers 6 Eagles-3
OJ Simpson Bowl. Steelers were 0-6, think Eagles were 1-5. Whoever lost, it was thought, would gain the #1 draft pick. Two minutes to play, Eagles had 4th & 1 on their 10�they went for it, didn�t make it. The drama wasn�t over. Steelers kicker at the time, Booth Lusteg, was a wacko�.imagine STD in black & gold. He practiced by kicking paper cups on the sideline. He made the kick, Steelers won, neither team got OJ. Eagles picked Purdue back Leroy Keyes with the 3rd pick (or second). Steelers took a little known tackle from
Tony & I sat in the Upper End Zone. He paid $3 for his ticket, and bought mine downtown during the week for a buck. Four youth days per season�..16 & younger, if you knew somebody that worked in town, could pick up your ducat during the week, only cost you $1.
3. November 2, 1970: Steelers-21 Bengals-10
First Monday night game in
4. December 23, 1972 Steelers-13 Raiders-7
Immaculate Reception�.FUCK YOU if you think I�m lying about being there.
Just got home from my first semester at
Y�know who else parked in the Chatham Center Garage, the Guerilla, yeah�..as in Gerela�s Guerilla. Saw the ape get in his car, drive away, fully clad�.kid you not.
The four of us celebrated at Vinny�s��two Vinnie�s pies. Me & Tony had to eat ours, and finish theirs as well�..I come from a long line of hogs. My Dad used to eat 16 sandwiches for lunch, working on the railroad out of high school. �Worked like a jackass, � Dad said, �had to eat like one, too.�
5. December 31, 1972 Dolphins-21 Steelers -17
That night,
5. January 4, 1976 Steelers-16 Raiders-10
Cold, icy, Steelers beat the Raiders in the AFCCG for the second straight year. The Fat Fuck Madden won some games against us, but the Emperor, Chuck Noll, owned that Fat Mother-Fucker. Two 4Q TDs for the Steelers right in front of us. First, Franco, stiff arms Neil Colzie, runs about 25 for a score. Then, Stallworth outleaps Colzie, again from about 25 yards out. There were no lie, about a dozen fumbles lost that day.
6. October 10, 1976 Browns-18 Steelers-16
Me, an unemployed recent college graduate, drive my brother and 3 drunken friends to
Turkey Jones spikes Bradshaw onhis head. Steelers lose. Way home, with four sleeping drunks as cargo, I contemplate the Steelers season. They�re 1-4, and under center will now be a
7. January 7, 1995 Steelers-29 Browns-9
Oft discussed on this site with Tronic. Closest I�ve ever come to having a religious experience. Was my first Steeler game in 8 years; my first playoff game in 18 years. Guy in the concourse, pre-game, giving both fingers skyward, screaming �Fuck The Browns.� In tape, on his yellow raincoat, same refrain, �Fuck The Browns.�
Pre-game, Brentson Bucker gerts in a fight during introductions. I had forgotten what a TRS crowd could be like, everyone with a Terrible Towel, chanting, �Here We Go Steelers; Here WE Go.�
Vinny T., on cue, pick to Tim McKyer right before half. Who knew that the following week, McKyer would wear the goat horns for eternity. Pass to Yancey, TD. Yancey pulls the Terrible Towel from his jersey, is waving it in the end zone right below me. Crowd goes wild. I attended with my Patriot friend,Stupid Charlie�..don�t ask.
8. January 5, 1997 Patriots-28 Steelers-3
My hatred for the New England Patriots was borne that day. The Fog Bowl.
9. December 13, 1997 Steeelers-24 Patriots-21
60,000 fuckin� zombies exit Foxboro Stadium after laughing at us all night. HAHAHAHAHA. Guy beside me & my nephew leaves, saying to us, �You guys are assholes; fuck you guys.� My nephew�s 13 at the time. We laugh our asses off. We owned that fuckin� place. The two of us drove 5 Pats fans to the game in my van. I blast the Steeler Fight Song the whole way home.
10. Forget the Date: �04 Divisional Playoff Forget the score, too,�Steelers beat Jets
Was during this game�s tailgate that I had my business brainstorm. Buy an RV, get a prime parking space, sell Piss Passes, $2 each�.all day Piss Pass for $10�..thought about that while I had to interrupt my conviviality to stand in line for 20 minutes at the Port-O-Potty. Would need a good Piss Monitor, though�..SignPlax, with his ledger book, of course.
Game�.Ben and/or JB could�ve been the goat. Instead, it was the Jets kicker, whose name honestly escapes me now, �cause he�s no longer around, right. Missed very makeable FGs at the end of regulation, and in OT�.Herm Edwards should�ve been run out of town. Steelers win�.hugging perfect strangers in the stands.
11. Fuck the Date�.�04 AFCCG Patriots-41 Steelers-21
Borrowing from SignPlax, I waaaaaay overspend, buy a ticket off EBay for $375. Then, I freeze my fuckin� ass off. Coldest I�ve ever been in my life. I�m still frozen. Had to fly back to Manchester with a planeload of asshole Pats fan. I exit the plane, there's a reporter, with a camera running, from the local ABC affiliate, says into his mike, with a wide shit-eating grin as he sees me in my Steelers jacket, "There's a dissappointed Steeler fan." It took every ounce of restraint I could muster not to say the words that had started to parse my lips, "KISS MY ASS." I could see the headline in the local rag..."Black & Gold Airport Meltdown by Children's Home Director." Assholes....
Okay�..tired of writing�..son wants to use the computer�..could go on & on�..you�re probably sick or reading�we�ll both take a break
�01 AFCCG
�97 AFCCG
�95 Div. Playoff
�96 Wildcard
�78 Divisonal Playoff
�75 Divisonal Playoff
Was gonna write about these��thought I�d stop at 11 Steeler games.
Then there�s the ones I had tickets for, but didn�t go�..again, don�t fuckin� ask�
�78 AFCCG (damn�.wish I had been there)
�95 AFCCG (aaaarggggh)
�02 Wildcard
I�ll pick up later, Bucs, Nittany Lions, few other gems.
Pirates
Forbes Field all�.see Archives (if you can find it)�..Forbes Field memories.
Never attended a Pirate playoff or WS game�..but certain things I saw, and remember very well.
1. Home runs over the right field roof�.Saw Willie the Starge due this at least twice, but also saw Willie McCovey hit fuckin� golf shots over that roof.
2. Saw Sandy Koufax shut out the Bucs for 8 in �66 on a Saturday afternoon. Clemente put one over the screen in the 9th for the lone Buc run in a 4-1 loss. I took the 61B streetcar down & back to
3. Twi-night doubleheaders, Sunday afternoon doubleheaders�..paid a buck, sat in the left field bleachers, no obstructions, took home the cooked hot dogs, no bun at game�s end. Refreshment stand was situated perfectly�..no concourse�.abutted the bullpen�..stand was between the bleachers & the field�.missed no action getting your megaphone popcorn and coke.
Enjoyed the hell out of seeing
�66
�68 I make a bit, giving Pitt and 44 points.
�69
�71 Heisman Trophy candidate Lydell Mitchell and sidekick Franco Harris best the Golden Panthers by a 55-18 margin.
�73 Thanksgiving night at TRS�.Tony Dorsett�s freshman year.
�77
Game I wish I�d gone to���81 Dan Marino & undefeated, #1 Pitt, fresh off beating Notre Dame, jump out to a 14-0 lead at Pitt Stadium. Penn State & Todd Blackledge wake up, win 48-14.
On the negative, did see Art Still�s Kentucky team beat Penn State in the rain at Beaver Stadium in �77�.PSU�s only loss that year, last time Kentucky had beaten a ranked team. Will be at the Beav this weekend�..BIG-ASS place.
Penguins
Not much there�..went to both playoff games against the Black Hawks in �71. That was the year that Buffalo put one in the net from beyond the blue line against the Flyers with 4 seconds left in the season finale, giving the Pens the final playoff spot.
Pens are leading game 4 by 2 goals after 2 periods. Poor Tony can�t see a fuckin� thing as I leaped up after one Penguin goal, knocked his glasses off�.took us half a period to find the fuckin� things.
3rd period, Bobby Hull cranks up 2 slap shots for goals. Pens tie�.O.T. �.9 seconds in, Tim Horton, rest his soul, while on a coffee break, knocks the winning goal into his own net. Pens are swept.
Pittsburgh Pipers
1968....not two weeks after the MLK assassination...unrest all over Pittsburgh, tanks down the street from my grandmother's house in ESliberty.
I lie to my mom, take the 61B down to the Hill District, going to the Arena for Game 7 between the Pipers and the New Orleans Jazz. Inaugural ABA season.
Black guy on the bus knows a stupid ass when he sees one....says to the dumbass 13 year old white kid, as we exit the bus, "You better walk with me." Makes sure I get to the Arena safely.
Connie Hawkins, Chico Vaughan, Trooper Washington, Charlie Williams, and the white jew from Duke, Art Heyman, beat Doug Moe & the Jazz in Game 7...ABA Champs....
Pipers promptly move to Minnesota, move back as the Condors the following year....Hawk signs with the Hawks...never the same. John Brister was a trip though.
Lacrosse
How did I not get arrested��eve of the NCAA Lacrosse Championship at
Next day, under the influence of the hallucinogen of the day, we think it�s halftime when 5 minutes has elapsed. Johns Hopkins beats Frank Urso�s
High School Football
1975�Minersville v.
Best piss setup I ever saw. Guys turn around in the open bleachers so that their legs dangle under the stands. Relieve themselves while making eye contact with Aunt Mildred and Cousin Peggy seated right above them.
Boxing
Wasn�t there, but closed circuit TV means I almost was. HersheyPark Arena for The Thrilla in
Couple years later, saw one of the most bizarre sporting events ever, the joust between Muhammad Ali and the Japanese kick-boxer. Paid good money for closed circuit at the Civic Arena, sat there all fuckin� night�..nothing happened.
Swimming
NHIAA Championships�.2005
I know none of you asshats care about this, but what a jacked up finish.