PoeBirds 26, Stillers 6 ……. Sep 11, 2014…………Game # 2
Stillers-PoeBirds Postgame Analysis and Grades
The Stillers went to Baltimore to face the hated Ratbirds, a team reeling from the Gay Rice fiasco. Instead of grabbing the feckless PoeBirds by the throat and thumping them, the Stillers stood around playing grabass, and playing a meek, timid, softee brand of football. The result was a 26-6 assbeating administered by the Ravens on Mike Dumblin and the Stillers.
Grades:
QB: Ben had a dogshit all-around game, from start to finish. Ya can’t sugarcoat it and there is little more to be said. He was scattershot far too often, such as when he missed a WIDE open Justin Brown on a short pass over the middle on 3d &1 on the 2nd drive. He was also triple clutching the ball and holding it forever, which led to far too much lost yardage on dong sacks. A piss poor evening. D-
RB:
Bell - Stutter Bell had a decent game. Had only 11 rushes, but ran for 59 yards. Grabbed 5 passes for 48. Is def establishing himself as a capable back in both the ground and passing games. There still is a bit too much stuttering, such as a 3d & short-two play in the 2H in which the crease was clearly there, but he stuttered out of bad habit. He got the needed yardage, but the point here is the needless stuttering needs to be reduced. B+
Blunt – 3 carries, 8 yards. I have to think he was led to believe he’d be getting more work than this. Tough to assess his play with such sparse PT. Inc.
Archer: Pee Pee Archer got nicked up in his first NFL game, and sat this one out. Brilliant use of a 3d round pick…!
FB: I guess Will Johnson will rot the bench the entire season. Never mind that he’s 5 times the blocker and receiver than a pile o’ shit like Matthew Spaeth. Inc
WR:
Brownie – got drilled in the head on the game’s first drive (no flag, of course…I guess he wasn’t defenseless) and had to get inspected in the locker room by the docs. Came back and had a good game. Had 7 grabs for 90. B+
Pinkie Wheaton - Had 5 grabs for a measley 38 yards. With the Ravens shadowing about 4 players on AB, this man needed to step up, and failed. Had 2 rushes for 22. C
Justin Brown – had only 1 grab for 6 yards -- that coming on the game’s first drive -- and then assaholically fumbled the ball on the Ravens 15. I suppose he spent the rest of the game sulking. Typical Penn Bater. D
Archer: Did not dress. By the way, he’s just so fast & explosive, and quick, too. Good thing Doltbert rabidly reached for this smurf in the 3rd round…!
Lance “Yancey” Moore: Did not dress, due to a nagging groin. Maybe some time in October he can chip in some. M (Malingerer)
Margavis Bryant - did not dress again. Brilliant 4th round pick by the omnipotent Kevin DoltBert.
Heyward-Gay - finally contributed. Only, it was a stupid-assed hold that negated a long gainer by Weaton on an end-around. He has more penalties, and last names, than he does receptions. D-
TE:
Miller - Had 4 grabs for 35, but had a ghastly, putrid fumble on his own 20 early in the 4Q that pretty much pounded the nail in the coffin. C
Spaeth - dressed, and wasted oxygen, plus a scare spot on the 45-man game-day dress roster. Did jack shit all evening long.
OL:
Beacham - Didn’t get abused or humiliated, but didn’t open many holes in the ground game, either. C+
Gilbert - FatAss Marcus got totally abused by Dumerville for a sack late in the 2Q. Two plays later, he was flagged for a false start. He was also tooled and abused at other points in the game. He had 1 decent block, on a WR screen. Gee, it’s a good thing GM Kevin Doltbert rushed out to extend this stiff. Even better, I suppose, that Dolbert overpaid him. C-
Foster - Played ok, but didn’t establish any dominance at the POA on ground plays. C+
Pouncey – surprisingly made it through a 2nd game without injury.
DeCastro - got totally abused and tooled by the man right in his face, for a sack on the first series, which caused Ben to take a horrific helmet shot in the chest. Thanx, David, you Stanford pussy!! Later on the drive, he wandered abut 12 yards downfield and negated a 1st down completion to Miller on 3d & 9. D+
DL:
Cam Thomas: Started and did little. 1 solo and 4 assist. Seems to be little more than a fat-assed waddler. C-
Keisel - got a huge amount of PT subbing for Thomas and did jack shit nothing. Had zero solos and 1 assist in a marginal effort. On a wide run in the 2H, he threw up his hands and pouted out, “I was held”, which he wasn’t, which was quite similar to the huge QB keeper late in the Jax playoff loss in Jan 2008. Can someone remind me of any reason why we signed this over the hill, over-rated pile o’ dung? D-
McLendon - Much more active and forceful than the opener. 2 solos and 4 As. B-
Heyward – Strating to settle into the mediocrity that he seems to enjoy. 2 solos and 5 slop assists don’t cut it. Not getting pressure, or hands in the face of the QB. C-
Tuitt - the vaunted 2nd rounder barely played after playing only 10 snaps last week. Inc
LB:
Timmons – Decent game. Led the team with 7 solos and 5 As. Must have gotten nicked up in the 2H, because at one point lowly Vinnie Williams was out there with Shaquier. B+
Shaquier – fairly active, with 6 solos and 5As. But often not stout enough at the POA. He also looked incredibly clumsy and inept on a key 3d & 4 in the 3Q, in which he got juked out of his jock near the LOS on a pattern by Pitta, which resulted in a 24-yard gainer. I guess he got very little NFL-caliber preparation playing in the Little 10. C-
Worilds - Again, I thought Big LaMarr went to the Raidas. What, praytell, is he still doing with the Stillers ?? Oh wait, that was The Hokie Hooker, Jason Worilds, who once again STOOD AROUND doing nothing the entire evening. The lazy pile o’ manure was on the field for virtually every snap, and here’s his whopping stat line: 1 solo, 1 assist. In a glory-boy position like OLB in this 3-4 defense….? The play that crystallizes what an inept oxygen thief this man has become, was a stretch play in the 2Q. Locked up ONE on ONE with a TE, Owen Daniels (hardly known as a dominant blocker), The Hokie Hooker ended up getting pancaked onto his back while the Ratbirds ripped off a 10-yard run. He was soft and feeble at the POA all night long, and never once applied so much as an ounce of pressure on Joe Jacco. Plain and simple, he sucked elephant gonad. Sure as shit, though, Kevin Doltbert will rush out and lavish this stiff with a 5-year, $68M contract. Most everyone believes Big LaMarr started loafing after his big contract, but if you go back and read my reports, LaMarr started loafing the entire season leading up to the fatty deal. F
Jones - Had a couple of adequate plays. 2 solos, 4 assists. Decent hustle and spirit. Isn’t making any splash plays, though. C+
DB:
Ike - flagged for hands to face in the 1Q, but it was declined. For some odd reason, wasn’t tested all that much. Had only 1 solo, again because he was rarely tested. Inc
Pola - Had 6 solos and 2 As. Flagged for a “defenseless receiver” shot after a short completion over the middle. Whiffed badly on a short pass to Steve Smith in the 2Q, resulting in a hefty RAC. Drilled a RB at the PIT 4 in the 4Q, and had a rare but good tackle for a 1-yard loss late in the 2Q. C+
Mitchell – flagged for a ticky-tack personal foul on a hit to a WR in the EZ of a tight game. Also flagged for a mask. Isn’t doing much more than slowfooted Ryan Clark did the past 4 years. C-
Gay - Not much. Inc
Sharko Thomas – mostly not permitted to play. I guess he might get some PT in 2016. Inc
C. Allen - Was attacked right from the get-go. Played soft, and the Ravens went after him like a shark after blood. Helped aid the first drive with a foolish masking, and then a dumbassed PI on 3d & 4 that gave BALT the ball at the PIT 3. Beaten by Steve Smith in the EZ in the 2Q, but the pass was too long. On a 3d & 2 in the 3Q, got tooled badly by Smith again for a 5-yard completion. Quick – maybe Kevin Doltbert should rush out and give this fellow a 5-year extension…! Oh wait, he just did, about 10 days ago. D-
Spec teams:
Wing – punted okay. B
Suisham - Booted two FGs for the only points.
Archer – Did not dress. He’s just so fast and explosive, though. An absolute steal in the 3rd round. Colbert once again fools the rest of the NFL.
AB – a couple decent good punt returns
OC: The lumbering, Grab Bag Offense was entirely ineffective against the Ratbird defense. Whatever happened to the quick passes and safety valves that were gonna reduce the poundings on Ben ??? Gradkowski is going to have to play at least 5 games if this slop continues. The Ravens wisely shadowed coverage on AB, and Haley, never too bright, had no answer. Ditto when AB had to be examined in the locker room for a possible concussion. So, okay, the entire offense revolves around one guy….? It’s Haley’s job, and his alone, to ensure other weapons can be used when AB is over-covered or nicked up. I will cut Haley a small bit of slack, due to AB missing most of the 1H, plus the guy Haley was counting on to be the veteran #3 slot WR, Yancey Moore, hasn’t played a single snap in like 5 weeks. D+
DC: Dick had the luxury of facing a sputtering feeble, RatBirds offense that did jack dick last week and is saddled with too few weapons. The Ravens take over on their own 15 after the Justin Brown fumble, and what does Dick do? He goes SOFT, with his patented Softee Sitback Defense ™ of softee coverage, allowing Jacco to calmly sit back, nibble on a sandwich, and play pitch n’ catch with his decrepit crew of skill players. 12 (Twelve) plays, 85 yards, TD. 2nd possession, Dick goes soft again, allowing a methodical 12 play, 65-yard march for a chippie FG. In the 3Q, the Stillers add a FG to make it a 10-6 game. A defensive stop here, and a solid offensive drive could easily get the Stillers back into the lead. What does Dick do? Why, Dick allows another 12 play march, going 80 yards, for a morale-crushing TD. Not quite satisfied for the shit evening thus far, Dick then allows a TEN play march of 53 yards for a chippie FG in the 4Q that sealed the deal.
Haley, as noted above, has some justification, what with his superstar WR missing most of the 1H and his veteran #3 WR, Yancey Moore, having not played at all this season. What, praytell, is Dick’s lame excuse? He has more depth at DL and LB than he’s had in years. NO ONE is injured or hurt. The team spent a 3rd rounder last year on Sharko Thomas and a 2d rounder this year on Tuitt. Tuitt played all of 10 snaps last week and barely got on the field this week. Oh, wait -- Dick likes to take FOUR years to groom and develop the Aaron Smith‘s of the world. Ya don’t spend a 2nd rounder from a major college program and then take four years to develop the guy. Sharko played ZERO snaps on defense last week and I don’t recall seeing him on the field vs. Balt. The guy supposedly was a terror all during camp. The good coaches find a way to get a stellar football player onto the field. The shit coaches, like Dick, find any excuse to sit and rot the guy.
It’s also funny how Dick is supposed to be the Holy Almighty Omnipotent guru of defensive football. What, then, was he doing, getting tooled by the complete dullard by the name of (hold your laughter, please) Gary Kubiak? Yes, the same Gary Kubiak who was run out of Houston, in large part because his offense was so bland, dull, stale, and feeble. It still is, but Dick’s defense is even more bland, dull, and feeble.
For the 2nd game in a row, Dick and his vaunted defense produced ZERO turnovers. NONE. For all of “diabolical schemes” and “clever disguises”, where is the pressure? The attack ? The confusion? Answer: there is NONE, AT ALL. It’s nothing more than soft creamed cheese. All the blather about what an omnipotent genius Dick is, is nothing more than pure, unadulterated bullshit. It’s high time for his Holy Papal Deity himself, Saint Dick, to retire and move on to his life’s work. F-
HC: Mike Dumblin had the luxury of facing a weak Baltimore team that was ravaged and distracted by the Gay Rice fiasco. Instead of grabbing Balt by the throat and putting them out of their misery early, Dumblin and his squad come out and play a meek, timid brand of football, getting put back on their heels with a 10- deficit. He didn’t have his team ready to compete, much less win. Ever the dim bulb, Momlin allowed his players to feel sorry for the PoeBirds, instead of trating them like the hated, bitter rival that they are. After the game, in his typical bullshit bravado, Dumblin exclaimed, “ I’m not going to accept it.” Oh, really? Dumblin has been accepting and tolerating mediocrity and slop for well over 5 years now. Now, he’s suddenly “not going to accept it”? What, he’s going to make a change of a gunner on the punt coverage team? All talk and no action from the NFL’s most over-rated coach. F
Synopsis: As I said after the slop win against the weak-assed Clev team last Sunday, “See me late Thur evening to see how they fare on the road against a moderately competent team in the PoeBirds”. A humiliating ass-beating at the hands of a hated divisional foe. Being that the game was played on 9-11, this lethargic slop n’ slather eerily reminded me of the season opener played just 2 days before 9-11, in which Billy Cowher’s team was totally manhandled and ass-whipped in a very similar manner by the Jax Jaguars. We now have 10 days to simmer and stew over this embarrassing beat-down.
(Still Mill and Stillers.com -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close….)
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