TOP SECRET FORMATION

Being new here, let me tell you a bit about myself.

I grew up in USC, home of the best damn football team in the Quad A division and former home of Chas Noll and George Perles, and left for the flat as Mary Tyler Moore, in other words, flat as a board, Midwest back in the 80's. But I kept my love for the Steelers alive all these years. My following of the Steelers has only grown stronger, I really had almost an apathy during the Woodley/Merriweather years (didn't everybody?). But funny as it sounds to some, but understandable with the Super Bowl appearance, Bill Cowher enlivened my passion for the B+G. But even he's been getting on my nerves with his lunkheadedness in the times when it counts. How many times has he done something completely stupid in pressure situations...then of course, the Pittsburgh Lapdogs in the media just ladle the pablum out, the lies and obfuscations of Coach Cowher.

You guys don't know how good you have it with a football-centric city, instead of a...well, YOU make a decision what the hell Detroit cares about...the only crap I can see that they care about is actual crap and burnt buildings. It's ridiculous. Think about how *YOU* would feel if the Mighty Steelers were as terrible as the Lions, a truly screwed up team...well, with the run and shoot, they Steelers might fall to the lowly Lions level of performance. But probably not, because for those who don't know, the Lions have a metaphysical issue with keeping important players mentally sound and physically healthy. It's funny to watch a new coach come in and slowly, like Bobby Williams of MSU, turn into a jello mold filled with sour chipped ham. And what the blue hell is Barry Sander's deal...does he see how wacked the Lions are??? Look at Bobby Rosh, he sawed his own foot off because his ballclub gave up a key touchdahn, then made an appointment with Dr. Jack Kevorkian of Royal Oak, MI. Luckily for everyone, he cancelled it.

But let's go to my special find that I found.

(The following may or may not have occurred)

I was dahn at Jack's over on tha sath side havin some Arn and after about ten of em, boilermakers all, me and my buddy Matt "Bud" Carson decided to run down East Carson and check out the Stillers new practice facility.

After a lot of blocks and one or two boot sessions, we made it close to the facility...we could tell because we saw ten Escalades out front, each with porn on inside on the mini-tvs. We snuck around outside, past the hos and assorted wackos, to see if we could sneak in and get some souvenirs. As we got around to the back of the facility, we saw a dumpster right in front of us. I thought to myself..."Hey man, I wonder if there are some secrets inside that I could use...". I then puked, Iron City is worse than Olde Frothingslosh chased with a six of Blatz, and after wiping the Iron City off my face, got a hand from Bud and jumped in the dumpster.

I was sifting through so much garbage...stuff like Fu's used ice paks (found a ton of them in there), brand new Jason Gildon gloves (only the palms were worn), Kendrell Bell's cleats (it was like they were exploded with M-80s or something), and about two hundred empty pizza boxes (they were all double cheese, double sausage, double bacon, double crust, double sauce, double beef, double pepperoni...wonder who ate all of them). Anyway, what I found that I thought was interesting was Wes Ours' playbook...I perused it looking for anything that could give me insight into Mike Mularkey's and Bill Cowher's minds...

I found this page and ripped it out...I think it is friggin genius, it will solve all the Stillers problems at the right tackle position and it could hit the NFL harder than a Conrad Dobler nutsac punch.

Check this out. Look at the innovative use of Chidi Iumwouma and Antwon Randle El Randle. I mean, I would have NEVER thought of this, Big Jim Render of USC wouldn't have thought of this, even though he too had undersized players. This solves all the problems, all of them. There are four legs instead of two bulky ones waiting to be rolled up upon. And the back up to either guy is that great pickup from the Eagles, Freddie Pylons. And we know the Antwaan can play any position on the field. It looks like the same principle that an airplane uses on its landing gear, if one tire fails, there is still one remaining that can maybe hold the weight, divide up the responsibility.