Death,
Taxes and
As I said in my pre-game commentary �It�s Choke Time at the
Apollo,� if it�s a big game, you can count on Carson Palmer to come up small.
Not only that, but you can depend on the Cougher to follow
the classic �hot start, cold finish� pattern. Here�s the way it went down last
night:
First
drive
Com�� Att� Yds
6�������� 7���� 57
Rest
of game
Com� Att� Yds
11����� 37�� 126
Could it have gotten any better? (Consider THAT all you
morons who thought the Bengals were going to win that playoff game just because
Palmer hit that early pass. Means nothing -- Palmer ALWAYS starts out hot
against the Stillers. Kimo or no Kimo, the Bungals lose that one too.)
Overall, a classic dump:
Com�� Att�� Pct�����
Yds� Avg� Rate
|
17 |
����� 44 |
�� 38.6 |
�� 183 |
�� 4.2 |
������ 51.6 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Keep in mind that Palmer�s averaged an 87 rating for the
season, and you�ll have an idea of the gag job the Cornholer pulled off last
night.
Of course this total flop was no doubt the fault of the
Bengals defense. Poor Palmer -- those guys just give him no support!
You know things are bad when even the local sports hacks
start riffing on the Choke King. Take this nugget from today�s Post-Gazette:
�The Steelers brought plenty of personnel
capable of beating the Bengals last night. It didn't hurt that
Yuk
yuk! Way to catch on guys, way to catch on. Funny thing is, I don�t remember
reading about how lame Darth Fader was before
the game.
Which
is, once again, another example of this site giving you superior analysis. Any
fool can tell you what happened AFTER the game; the real test is hearing it
before it happens.
Anyway, you can catch the rest of the article (�After a
6-for-7 start, Palmer lost elite touch�) here:
http://www.postgazette.com/pg/07337/838795-150.stm
Oh
and be sure to note this little passage from Coach Lewis:
We ran our offense,
but I really can't explain why we didn't execute at times."
But he could explain
it, however reluctantly. And he did.
"We missed some
throws, and as I said, that wound up somewhat being the difference."
It's considered poor
form to criticize Palmer, a concession to his general excellence, but there's
nothing wrong with pointing out some negatives in light of his 17-for-44
performance.
But that's as far as
Lewis would go. It's bad enough this back-sliding franchise sank to 4-8 last
night without taking the invitation to slap at the franchise quarterback.
Lewis, and most everyone else, more typically talks about Palmer like this:
"Carson is so
down to earth, you used to think it was almost an act. And he's never changed.
He is what he is. That's his makeup, and it probably always has been. He's so
unflappable. He can focus in and see right through the eye of that storm, and
that may be his greatest quality he has.
Like
I said before, no matter how badly things go for the Bungals, Teflon Carson
always manages to get off blame-free. Sure, our QB couldn�t pass for crap last
night � but hey, he�s so down to earth
man! Just get off his back!
Now
it�s one thing for the homer Cincy media to spin things � but a
�Some�
negatives in a 17-for-44 flop job? Stop it man, you�re killing me!
The
fact is, there is no excuse for the
Cornholer � he had every chance to come through. ESPECIALLY considering how
generous Roethlisberger and Parker were in turning the ball over to him. How
many chances can one choker get?
But
hey, he�s so down to earth. Lay off dude!
Still,
there are some signs of hope. Right now a Cincy Enquirer poll has �Carson
Palmer�s performance� leading �Failure to Capitalize on Steelers turnovers� as
the main reason the Bengals lost. (Don�t they realize these things are one and
the same?).
But
only by a slim half point margin. You wouldn�t want to go all out and diss such
a down to earth guy now would you?
By
now you may be asking, PalmerSucks, what�s up all the ripping? I mean, c�mon,
Palmer�s a nice guy who does charity work. A rare model citizen on a team full
of felons. Throws a nice tight spiral too. He�s harmless!
And
I would tell you, that�s precisely what makes him so dangerous.
Carson
Palmer is exactly what�s wrong with this country today � pure vanilla
mediocrity hyped up by the media as �elite� in order to boost TV ratings.
In fact,
Down
to earth� I�ll give you %$%$#@!!! down to earth! You see, what these geniuses
don�t get is that a true franchise QB is ANYTHING but meek, mild-mannered and
down to earth. The franchise QB has a sky-high ego and shines like a halogen
lamp. The franchise QB is Superman, not Clark Kent, you morons!
But
I guess we should be grateful � thanks to Captain Choke plus the Brownstains
going down in Arizona, the Stillers can afford now to drop a game against New
England or Jacksonville. Hallelujah!
So
join me today as I take a PalmerSucks victory lap around Three Faders Stadium!
Rejoice, rejoice, in the glorious gagarific-ness that IS Carson Palmer!
Choke
the Halls with
Fa
la la la la la la la la
Time
to call out the Embalmer
Fa
la la la la la la la la
Bungals
season it is over
Fa
la la la la la la la la
All
thanks to the King of Chokers
Fa la la la la la la la la!