Bungals 24, Stillers 10.....Sep 26, 2021 …………Game # 3
Stillers- Bungals Postgame Analysis and Grades
The Stillers hosted the Cinci Bungals, and proceeded to shoot themselves in the foot in the 1st quarter, time and time and time again. Illegal formation. Holding. False start. OPI. Foolhardy INT. Dropped pass. You name it. This folly continued into the 2Q, and then well into the 2nd half. Cinci, meanwhile, went ahead late by 7 in the 2Q, and then poured it on in the 3Q with 10 unanswered points. Make no mistake – this was a thrashing in every way imaginable.
QB: Ben had one of those semi-nice “paper” games, where, in paper, he completed 38 of 58 for 318. But this was entirely too similar to an outmanned boxer throwing weak jabs that barely graze the opponent, and that’s all Pumper Ben did today. He threw almost exclusively lil’ babyfied 3-yard routes, or flares BEHIND the LOS.
On his first INT, Pumper Ben pumped, like a damn fool, and then allowed his arm to be hit, which caused a short floater that was INT’d by Cinci, mid 1Q.
On the next series, on 1D, Ben ran a rare play fake, and had PLENTY of time, but held the ball forever and took the sack.
Later in the 2Q, after Pat Fryboy converted a 3rd down, Shitlesberger ran a play fake and had ALL fuking day in the pocket. (Eons, actually). He drifted to his right, OUT of the pocket, and held and held and held the ball forever, taking a 5-yard sack when he was OUTSIDE the pocket and could have flung the ball OOB. A shit play by a shit QB. Sure, the offense was able to overcome this and embark on a long TD drive, but it doesn’t eradicate the stupidity.
Pumper Ben then threw a vomit-spewing INT on 3d & 4, early 3Q, gifting Cinci with the ball at the PIT 19. It was a wretched, horrendous INT of epic proportions, to a receiver who was triple covered.
Badly overthrew a WIDE open Wash on a deep ball, 6:20 4Q, which would have been an 85 yard TD. Wide fuking open, and Ben overthrew the man by, no kidding, a good 19 feet or more.
Only 5 of Shoitlesberger's 58 passes were thrown more than 16 yards down the field. Only one was completed. By contrast, 17 passes were thrown to behind or at the line of scrimmage. It was a dogshit, wretched performance by a man who should have retired last Jan. D-
Harris – nice juke and move on valve dump, 2Q, which gained 7.
Had a nice 22-yard pass gain, mostly from RAC, in the 3Q. On the very next play, he dropped a perfectly thrown 0-step hitch. Dropped 2 straight passes to close out the game late in the 4Q.
He finished with a Stiller RB record of 14 grabs, good for 102 yards. His running game was a bit less productive, with 14 carries for 40 yards, including a 20 yarder. Harris took a shit-ton of shots in this game, in particular after all the short dump-offs, and at this rate he’ll be shelved for the season due to injury somewhere in game 7 or 8. In the 4Q, on the long, 18 play drive, he gained 7 yards down to the Cinci 3, and lost his shoe. That was the TENTH consecutive play since the end of the 3Q, and the situation screamed to insert a backup RB to allow Harris to catch a quick breath and get his shoe on properly. The next play, he was flexed WIDE RIGHT, and the playcall was a dumpoff to FryBoy on the far left, so it didn’t matter if Harris, or 70-year old Rocky Blier was playing RB on that play. Just fuking senseless by the coaching staff. B+
Snell – never permitted to participate in the offense.
FB: Watt actually saw the field on a few O snaps, and grabbed a shovel pass for 3 yards. Inc
JuJu – injured his ribs and bowed out late in the 3Q. Had 3 grabs for 25. Inc.
Wash - grabbed a short pass, late 3Q, although he nearly fumbled the ball away. Finished with 3 grabs for 20. B-
Dionte - did not dress, due to being injured on a snap from the Steeler 25 on the final play of last week’s loss, with the team down by NINE with 20 seconds remaining at the snap. In other words, dumbassity that a play was even called in that situation, aside from a kneel-down.
Claypool – flagged in the 1Q for an illegal pick on an out pass to Harris. Seemed to be a shitty-assed call. On the next play, dropped a short slant that was slightly behind, but very catchable. Flagged for OPI on 1st & goal at the 4, 4Q. Had a nice gainer around 4:45 4Q, but then limped off the field in discomfort. Finished with 9 grabs for 96. B
Cody White – grabbed a short pass, early 4Q. Good grab of low out, late 4Q. B
GayRay McCloud – had a rare, good grab, for 24 yards on first play of 4Q. Had 3 grabs for 33. B
Ebron – dropped a perfectly thrown pass, 6:22 4Q. Was oh for 3 on his 3 targets. Looks entirely disinterested. C
Pat FryBoy – good effort to score a 4-yard TD, late 1H. Allowed a perfect pass early 4Q to CLANG off his hands for an incompletion. Had 3 grabs for 22. B
OL: Overall, the line had another subpar game, struggling in the ground game and allowing leakage in pass protection.
Pukes Okorafor was flagged for an illegal formation on the first series, on a 2d & 6, which blew the drive all to hell. He as flagged for a false start on a 3rd down play from the PIT 4, 3Q. He got injured in the 2H; replaced by Haeg, who got whipped by Hubbard for a sack at 3:46 4Q.
KenDick Green was flagged for an early hold, negating a rare 11-yard run by Harris. KenDick was also flagged for a hold on Ben’s rotten INT in the 3Q. Got injured, 4:21 4Q.
Fat Tre Turner was flagged for a false start, mid 1Q. Dotson got whipped by Ogunjobi for a 3-yard loss, late in the 1Q. Dotson was flagged for a hold in the 2Q, negating a 9 yard run by Harris.
Moore was flagged for a false start, 4Q. Entire crew: C-
Heyward – The $65M Man – supposedly in the running for the DPOY – had ONE piss-ant solo the entire game. Just one. Yeah, he had 4 assists. Quick – give this fellow a $59M extension….he got 4 assists !! Big Scam never attacked nor sniffed the QB, and did jack dick the entire game. D-
Tuitt – again sat out on IR.
Wormley – Wormdick didn’t do much at’all. C
Buggs – Chipped in a little bit. B-
Bush – Lazily WATCHED and RAN BY Boyd on the 1Q TD. Ingram applied the hit, and Bush, the lazy fuk that he is, jogged by rather than deliver a lick to the WR. Finished with ZERO solos and 2 assists. How on earth does a starting INSIDE backer in this defense finish a game with zero solos ?? Want to know why this defense sucks ass? Look at 55. D-
Schobert – had 4 solos and seemed to at least try. B-
Watt – Sitter Watt, who SAT during the high intensity practices during camp, pulled a groin last week and did not dress. What a pussy. F
Highsmith – did not dress, due to a groin last week.
Mel Ingram – failed to wrap on his of Boyd, who simply bounced off and then ran into the EZ for a 1Q TD. Flagged for a ridiculous, ticky-tack personal foul hit on the QB late in the 1H. Had 1 solo all game long. Not good enough. C
Jamir Jones – got the start due to High’s injury. Did very, very little. B-
Derrek Tuska – saw some PT in the 2H and had 1 solo and 1 A. B
Haden – got abused for a TD in the 3Q. B-
Cam Button - fairly quiet day. Had a couple tackles. B
Tre Norwood – had a good tackle on the first series, stopping a 3rd down screen short of the sticks.
Edmunds – in the 1Q, a DONG interception by Edmunds....the ONLY kind of INT he is ever able to grab. The ball ricocheted off a WR’s hands, some 30 feet into the air, and fell softly as a baby’s bottom in Edmund’s hands for a cake-easy Dong INT. Other than that, he didn’t do jack squat all game long. C+
Minkah - Had 3 solos in a quiet effort. B-
Pierre – slowed up, like a jackass, on the TD pass late in the 2Q. Got abused. What a tool. C-
Art Mauler – Made a nice tackle on a sweep, 1Q.
Harvin– punted 4 times for a 40 yard average. Boomed a shitty 27 yard punt that was FC at the CIN 19 in the 2Q. Complete barf. B-
Boswell – hooked a 42-yard FG, 3Q, with the team down by 17. D
RayRay – slipped on a punt, late 3Q, which allowed the punt to land and roll and extra 9 yards or so.
OC: Matt Canada oversaw another barf-laden gameplan that again had no purpose, no objective, and no sense. He began the game intent on setting a new NFL record for bubble screens in a game, with about 4 of ‘em in the first 2 series alone. He may not have gotten the record, but he called at least 10 during the game.
3d & 23, 1Q – and Canada calls the bubble screen !! Stopped for 1 yard.
This entire offense is a grab bag of piddly lil’ short routes and line plunge every now and then. There’s nothing being SET UP, nor is this defense trying to force its opponent to into any sort of trepidation or unsurety.
I despised what Canada ordered on a 1st & goal at the 3, 4Q, down 17. He called a faggot-fuk screen to Pat Friermuth, which not only was easily tackled for a 1-yard loss, but also was flagged for OPI. The drive got bogged all to hell, and instead of punching in a key, badly needed TD, the O settled for a chickenshit FG. Down by 17, they desperately needed the TD to put some pressure on Cinci. From the 3-yard line, it seems they could have tried to punch it in on a ground play, or a pass INTO the EZ rather than 2 yards behind the LoS.
All in all, I’ve seen exactly NOTHING of any improvement or wrinkle that Canada has brought to this stagnant offense. NOTHING. D-
Keith Assler had the luxury of facing an offense missing its top WR (Higgins). That mattered little, as Assler got riddled by RB Joe Mixon (90 yards on only 18 carries) and WRs Boyd and Chase.
After the Offense had scored late in the 2Q to tie the game, Assler immediately allowed Cinci to march the length of the field – fast than a hot knife thru butter -- for a crushing TD with 0:37 left in the half. You can pretty much set your watch to Assler allowing a late score just before halftime, as it occurs in nearly every fuking game.
HC: Mike Asslin oversaw a rancid, wretched performance in ALL phases of the game. The offense sucked sewer water the entire game, bumbling around with a variety of self-inflicted wounds combined with gross ineptitude. The defense was soft and easy as pie to drive against, getting gashed on the ground and through the air, with the lone INT being a fluke ball that glanced off the WR’s hands. The spec teams joined the fray, with shoddy punting and a missed FG. It all adds up to a complete asswhipping issued by the Bengals, who fairly dominated this game. At 1-2, Stoogelin is presiding over problems, and they are many. With no HoF-caliber QB to bail him out the way he’s been bailed out the past 13 seasons (aside from 2019), Stoogelin is like the man trying to row the boat with only 1 oar, and he’s far from up to the task.
Perhaps worst of all, was Stoogelin’s asinine excuse making for the 4th & 10, at the CIN 11, playcall – a quick flare BEHIND the LoS to Harris, who would have had to elude no less than FIVE Bengals to get the 1st down. ““We had fired all our bullets at that juncture in terms of our play selection,” Tomlin said. “There just wasn’t a good enough play to get in there. … They were going to allow you to throw the ball and catch it in front of them, but you have to do some things after that. They had a bunch of guys running along the goal line.” What bullshit! What tripe! Teams score EVERY WEEK from the 11 yard line. You have multiple receivers who are much, much taller than the DBs, to include Carpool, FryBoy, and Ebron. I’d much rather take a SHOT near the GL or in the EZ, than a pussyfied flare pass BEHIND the LoS. And remember, unlike the pussy-assed flare pass, the EZ shot could draw a DPI flag, setting up first & goal at the 1. If this is Mike Asslin’s mindset (and it is), it tells you all you need to know what the lack of vision and leadership on this club. D-
An embarrassing shellacking at home, the 2nd in 7 days. Not good at’all. A loss at GB next week would turn this season into a tailspin with little chance of rebounding.
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