CAUGHT IN THE TRAP
�strange thoughts from the Mind like a Steel Trap!
- Billy the Cowherd is the MASTER of having the worst, most unprepared special teams in the NFL. His hall-of-fame bust will have inscribed underneath it��his teams covered kickoffs like Bill O�Rielly covered a Letterman Convention.�
- No one in the NFL pisses away timeouts like Cowherd. On 3rd down, from the Raiduhs 10-yardline, Billy huddled with his QB during the 2-minute warning. Most coaches in the NFL would be discussing what they were going to do, not just on third down, but also what they might do on fourth down, in the event they didn�t score on third down. Not Billy. In fact, Stillers.com had a special microphone set up along the Stiller sideline, and we were able to pick up the conversation:
Cowherd: Ben, throw a pass to Hines. See if Hines can catch it and carry 4 guys with him into the endzone.
Big Ben: Sounds like a plan. What if he doesn�t make it in.
Cowherd: We�ll worry about that when the time comes. You see, Ben, in the NFL, there�s a thin line between winning and losing.
Big Ben: Ahhh�Coach�.what does that have to do with the plays?
Cowherd: I don�t know, but the media likes that line, so I say it all the time.
Big Ben: So what do we run on 4th down?
Cowherd: No matter what play we run, I don�t want any celebrations in the endzone. Got that? Multiple player celebrations will NEVER, EVER happen again. OK?
Big Ben: Right, Coach. And what play do we run on 4th down if we don�t score on 3rd down?
Cowherd: Shit, Ben, the 2-minute warning is over. Get out there! You really need to manage these timeouts a lot better! I�ll have Whipple work with you on that! Hey, is Whipple still on our team??? Does he still coach here??? Ben? BEN?!!!
Cowherd: (muttering) damnit, I need Coclough out there for this play�
- OK�it�s 1st down on the 1-yard line. You need to punch it in to tie the game and send it in to overtime. Do you:
a. run the ball behind your all-pro left guard.
b. Run the ball behind your wretched right tackle, who has been having the worst game of his career, and behind the right guard making his first NFL start, and struggling.
c. run the ball behind your all-pro left guard.
d. run the ball behind your all-pro left guard.
If you answered a, c, or d, you are a dumbass.
- OK�it�s 2nd down on the 3-yard line. You need to punch it in to tie the game and send it into overtime. Do you:
a. run the ball behind your all-pro left guard.
b. Run the ball behind your wretched right tackle, who has been having the worst game of his career, and behind the right guard making his first NFL start, and struggling.
c. run the ball behind your all-pro left guard.
d. run the ball behind your all-pro left guard.
If you answered a, c, or d, you are a dumbass.
You have no future in becoming an offensive coordinator in the NFL. The man regarded as being head coaching material, and one of the most brilliant offensive minds in the game, Ken Cheesenhunt, answered B, so B is obviously the correct answer.
- Hard to fault anyone on the defense for this loss, since the Raiduhs gained a whopping 98 yards. Even my esteemed colleague, Still Mill, was a little harsh on The Mouth, Joey Porter. Sure, Porter was a ghost most of the day, but, hey, whatever works in LeBeau�s scheme. Porter may have just gotten in the way of the real tacklers had he been more active, anyway�
- Still Mill is right about Big Ben�s mechanics. He is way too stiff-legged, and he opens up way too much, instead of stepping into his throws. This forces him to get no strength on the ball with his legs, only with his arm. Trap played QB in his day, so Trap knows what he�s talking about when it comes to mechanics. Arm strength? Fughedaboutit�Trap didn�t have none of that�
- Chuky Okobi acquitted himself quite well in the second half relieving Jeff Hartings. In fact, Hartings has been struggling so much as of late, it might have been a wise switch, anyway.
- Heath Miller is still a ways away from being a solid blocker as a tight end. He still has little lower body strength. He needs more leg work in the weight room before next season.
- Dan Kreider did not have his typical great day blocking. He was weak at the point of attack, and it makes this writer wonder if he�s not covering an ailment.
- Bryant McFadden is still a wandering soul at times out there on the field. Not sure if he�s not sure of his assignment, or he�s just the victim of a low wunderlick score.
- Good thing Cowherd drafted not one, but TWO, players to replace Randle El. Halfway through the season, and we miss El Yeah in the worst way. Can someone on the coaching staff please teach Santonio how to �high-step� when a tackler is grabbing his shoelaces?? Please? This writer is sick of Holmes being taken down by two ring fingers and a pinky!