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Stillers-Seahags Postgame Analysis and Grades

September 16, 2019 by Still Mill

Seahags 28, Stillers 26….Sep 15, 2019………Game # 2


Stillers-Seahags Postgame Analysis and Grades


The Stillers slopped their way to a meek, uninspiring loss to the Hags, at home.




QB:   Ben oversaw a plethora of inefficient offense, and left the game last in the 1H with an injured elbow, having once again thrown 0 TDs.    Not good.    C


Rudy came in and gave it a good effort.   He tossed 2 TDs, and looks like he may belong in the NFL.   On paper, he threw an INT, but it was a well-thrown pass that clanged off the skillet-hands of Moncrief.     A-




Conner – It only took him 2 weeks to get injured this season.   Not sure how bad it is.    Didn’t do much, with 33 yards on 11 rushes and 3 grabs for 12.   B-


Samuels - 3 rushes for 18, and 1 grab for 13.


Snell - had a nice gainer on his first NFL carry, gaining 23 yards.  Of course, he was never permitted to touch the ball again, even with Conner missing lots of time in the 2H.  



Nix sat out with the knee.    Grimble saw a few snaps at FB. 



Switzer – Grabbed 1 pass for 0 yards.   This is indicative of what ails this meager offense.


JuJu – had 5 grabs for 84, on 8 targets.   43 yards came on a trick play.    Just not nearly enough.  


Wash - had 2 grabs for 23.    Somethow, this fellow needs to be meshed further into this sickly offense. 


D. Johnson - made a splendid grab on a Rudy pass for a 17 yard gain.


Holton - no grabs; was targeted on a deep ball, which glanced off his fingertips. 


Moncrief -  Clang!!   Mr. Skillet Hands had another pass clang off his hands, and this time the pass was INT’d.   Mercifully, he was sent to the bench for the entire remainder of the 2H.    Word has it that there are skillet companies, like Pampered Chef, lined up to sign him to a nice endorsement deal.    F



Grimble - Targeted once, no grabs.     


McDonald - after being completely ignored all last week (aside from garbage-time targets), he has 7 grabs for 38, and 2 TDs.   Nice effort.      B+


OL:  Overall, the line played semi-decently.   The QBs had decent time in the pocket all game long.   The ground game wasn’t ultra productive, but playing from behind, they weren’t able to expound on the ground game in the 2H.    B



Heyward – had 3 solos in quiet effort.  C


Tuitt – just as he always does, he came out a house afire, with some big plays early on.  And just like he always does, he was pretty much invisible thereafter.     C+


Hargrave - Did just a wee little bit.   He’s rapidly becoming a fat-assed waddler who does nothing of any impact.  D


Alu - did very little.



Vinnie – injured a ham midway thru the game.


Barron - only 2 solos; not nearly enough quality or quantity.      C


Bush - got abused on 1 TD pass, and was rarely in position to stuff one of the numerous long runs by the Hags.   Had an adroit fumble recovery, although he almost pulled a Grimble by coughing it up through the EZ.   C


Chickillo - who knew this sorry sack o ‘dung was a gutless, brainless tool ??    On a routine dive play, Dumbass Chickillo clumsily lumbered in toward the scrum, and then got jock-juked by the RB, who ran untouched for a huge TD.   What a piece of shit. To make matters worse, this sack o’ dung failed to even get on the stat sheet, despite getting a fair amount of PT.     F


Watt – Had an ok game, certainly not great.   Had a Dong Sack when he came in unblocked.    B-


Crud Dupree – Mostly did nothing, with 2 slop stops all game long.   On the key, late 3d & 16, that was Crud -- the $9M Man -- who oafishly whiffed on Wilson near the LOS, allowing the QB to scamper free for big yardage.  A STOP there, on a ROUTINE play, forces a punt.  Instead, SEA ran out the clock.  Thank you, and fuk you, Crud, you $9M fraud.    F




Haden – mostly a decent game.   B


Nelson - had a couple bust-ups.    B


Davis – The epitome of this dumbass was the silly, needless block-to-the-back penalty he was rightfully assessed as Baron was a few yards from the EZ with NO ONE close to stopping him.    Davis -- what a moh-ron.    


Hilton – had a couple big 2H plays, including the blitz that forced a fumble that was recovered by Bush.   B+


Edmunds - had a variety of laughable whiffs.    I wasn’t pleased with his effort on the long Penny TD run, in which he essentially got blocked off by the QB.   Led the team with 8 solos.   But in the 4Q, got flagged for PI (not by the ref, but by a replay review), and then got abused by Metcalf on a long TD lob.    C


Kam Kelly - also involved in the long lob on 2d & 20, 4Q, which was ruled PI in a replay review. 


Spec teams:  

Jordan Berry –   punted 5 times, and never once pinned SEA deep inside its own 5.     C+


Boswell - 2 for 2 on FGs.   Not bad.    


Fat McCullers - on a 1H FG, this fat-ass stupidly hit the snapper, which has been illegal for what, 5 years now.    Given a first down, the Hags quickly scored a TD, making this penalty a FOUR point play in a game that was lost by 2.   Thank you, McSwallers, you fat piece of shit.     F


OC:  Randy Sphincter had yet another shit game.  The offense mostly wallowed around in a funk.   Their one TD drive was 22 yards, and another was all of 3 yards… don’t let the 26 points fool you.    This schoolyard offense continues to be completely lost without AB.  If he’s as frustrated with this scheme as I am, Ben might milk this elbow injury for a good 6-8 weeks.       D



Keith Assler once had his ass handed back to him by a competent offense.   The worst was late in the game, when EVERYONE in the stadium knew Wilson was either going to run a keeper or a QB draw…….everyone, except Keith Assler, who had NO ANSWER to Wilson’s scampering.   None.   Oh, he used one of his WORST tackler - Crud DuPree -- as the spy on that late 3d & 16, and ya saw how that worked out.   The man is a proven dullard, with no hope in sight.    D-


HC:  Mike Dumblin oversaw another slopfest, with untimely penalties, slop galore, and tackling technique that you’d expect to see at the middle school level. It all starts at the top, and no one does less, with more, than Mike Asslin.   Time to turn up the heat on Stoogelin’s seat, which has never, ever been warm.   F


Synopsis:  A shit way to start a promising season, going 0-2.  The hole is deep and the odds are thin.   Perhaps it may be better in the long run for this team to suffer a 3-13 season, all the more to heat up Asslin’s seat, which has never, ever been heated up.  


Follow Mill on Twitter, at StillMill1


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