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The Dick Report (Week 12, after loss to New Orleans)

December 05, 2014 by Still Mill



 

The Dick Report  (Week 12, after loss to N’Orleans)
 

With all the patronizing, proselytizing, and worship of The Supreme Deity of Defensive Coaching, Saint Dick LeBeau, I felt it prudent to start a regular report  to expose Dick as the fraud that he truly is.    In years past, I’ve spent time exposing other frauds, to include Jason GilDong and LaMarr WoodenDong.    Although Big Jason Worilds has shown to be a complete fraud this season, the bigger fraud is none other than Dick. 

 

Dick’s loyal legions of worshippers has, for years, made up one quibble and one excuse after another to rationalize for Dick’s outrageous failures.     Dick gives up 316 yards to Little Timmy Teblow in playoff loss?   Why, it’s the offense’s fault.   And the mile-high altitude.   And the phases of the moon.   Dick pisses away the biggest 4th Qtr lead in Sup Bowl history ??    Not Dick’s fault.   And Dick gets totally carved up and ass-raped by the Jackers in the Sup Bowl??    Why, it’s everyone ELSE’S fault, except Saint Dick, who presumably has been given Papal infallibility and thus can never, ever, commit a mistake.  Ever.

 

The latest excuse du jour is a doozy --  “Dick doesn’t have enough playmakers”.     Obviously, it’s pure bullshit at its worst.   The problem isn’t big plays; rather, it’s making ANY plays at all.    Safety Mike Bitchell, for example, has defended exactly TWO passes all season, in 12 games.  Two !!   A trained chimpanzee could break up a few more passes than that, in 12 games.    Fact is, the defense is soft, predictable, and lacking any kind of exploitation of opposing weaknesses or any exploitation of overloads or favorable matchups.   Remember, not every offensive player Dick’s defense faces is Hall of Fame material.   Not every blocker is Anthony Munoz or Tony Boselli, and not every RB or WR is Gale Sayers or Jerry Rice.   Dick, and his brainless Softee Defense, just make it seem that way.  

 

The latest assraping at the hands of N.O. showed what a complete dufus and dullard Dick has become.   Matter o’ fact, Dick has been assraped more often than Jerry Sandusky’s shower buddies in the stalls of the Penn Bate locker room.  Dick had THIRTEEN days to prepare for this game, whereas the Aints -- coming off a MNF game and then having to travel to Pittsburgh -- had only FOUR.   The Aints were also without their leading receiver, Brandin Cooks.  Yet Dick had his usual half-assed, shoddy preparation, and failed to come up with a single wrinkle or tweak to deter the Aints from running up and down the field like the Grambling marching band.   At one point, the Aints scored TDs on 5 of 6 possessions, turning what was a close game -- hell, the Steelers were leading and dominating -- into a hilarious blowout. 

 

Below are the d-side stats from the first 12 games.    It’s been ugly.    Dick has been savagely ravaged and gashed by one mediocre offense after another, including some of the worst offenses in all of the NFL. 

 

 

 

W-L

Score

QB faced

Def. Pts allowed

TDs allowed

Rush Allowed

Pass Allowed

INTs

FFs

 

               Notes

Clev.

W

30-27

Brian Hoyer

27

3

183

230

0

0

 

Dick had the luxury of a 27-3 lead at halftime, and then pissed away the lead by allowing Clev. to score on 4 consecutive 2H possessions.   The one drive where Clev was "stopped" for a FG wasn't a stop at all; rather the QB & RB had a miscommo on a 3d down play, and Hoyer swallowed the pigskin for a loss and they settled for a FG.  Hoyer was making his 5th ever NFL start.   Starting RB Ben Tate and starting TE Jordan Cameron were injured in the 1H and did not return.   Terrance West, a greenhorned rookie in his first NFL game, gashed Dick's defense for 100 yards on only 16 carries.

@ Balt.

L

26-6

Flacco

26

2

160

166

0

0

 

Jacco had all day in the pocket the entire game, and was never once harassed, much less sacked, and was 21 of 29.    35-year old Steve Smith was given huge, 12-yard cushions.    The 2 TD drives were 80 and 85 yards long.    Balt also scored on 4 consecutive possessions in the 2H.    Bernard Peirce gashed Dicks' vaunted defense for 96 yards on 22 carries.  
In the 3Q, PIT cut the lead to 10-6, but sure as shit, Dick allows a long march of 80 yards for a TD, allowing Balt to boost its lead back to 11 and get its crowd back into the game.

@ Carolina

W

37-19

Newton

19

2

42

250

0

1

 

QB Cam Newton was slowed by a balky ankle, and he finished with only 2 rushes for 7 yards.   Starting RB DeAngelo Williams & WR J. Cotchery did not dress.   

Lone def. turnover was created  by a Jarvis Jones FF.   Other turnover was in punt coverage, on a FF by Sharko Thomas. 

vs. Tampa

L

27-24

Glennon

27

3

63

302

1

0

 

Glennon, a 2d year backup QB, was making the start due to McCown's injury.  WR Louis Murpohy was signed off the street just 5 days prior.   QBs coach Marcus Arroyo — filling in for offensive coordinator Jeff Tedford, who had heart surgery — couldn't get the play call to Glennon on time at least 6 or 7 times during this game.     WR Mike Evans missed 97% of the 2H due to a groin pull. 

The Succaneers scored a touchdown on their opening possession of the first and second half, keeping alive a streak in which the opponent has scored either a touchdown (5) or field goal (3) at the start of every half this season.  

Defense allowed 245 passing yards in 2H. 

TB took over at the PIT 46, 0:40 left in game, down by 4, with 0 timeouts, and promptly marched for a TD in 5 plays to win the game with just a few seconbds left.

Lone turnover was a classic Dong, er Dick, turnover, when WR Mike Evans pulled his groin on a fly route and pulled up lame, and Cortez basically fair cauvght the deep lob. 

@ Jax

W

17-9

Bortles (rookie)

9

0

56

191

2

0

 

Dic once again got to feast on a greenhorned rookie QB, and a hapless 0-4 Jax team.

The 2 INTs were both Dong INTs on hideous passes thrown by a greenhorned rookie QB.    Blake got a Dong INT on a hideous pass and returned it for a TD.

@ Clev

L

31-10

Hoyer

31

4

158

217

0

1

 

Hoyer completed only 8 passes, but they were good for 27 yards per attempt.

Dick got ass-raped in the 2Q, giving up TDs on THREE consecutive drives.  On the 3rd drive, starting center Alex Mack broke his leg, buty Clev continued the march for another 8 plays and scored as easy as pie. 

Lone turnover came on a Mitchell FF at the end of a TEN yard run by a Clev RB, Crowell.   Hoyer finished game with 113 QB rating. 

vs. Hous

W

30-23

Fitzpatrick

23

2

132

262

1

2

 

Dick had the luxury of facing a dreg QB who was 30-51-1 as an NFL starter.    

As usual, in the 1Q, Dick allowed a 94 yard TD march to give HOU the early lead.

- The lone INT was a classic Dong INT.   The short pass was finger-nipped by Keisel, and then bounced off the helmet of Timmons and then back into the hands of Keisel.   If you tried this 999 times, you couldn't get the football to bounce just right like this.  

- Both FFs were basically Dong FFs.   On the first, Worilds got a love tap on Foster at the end of a short carry, and Foster butterfingerly just coughed the ball up.   The ball wasn't raked at all, nor was it a brutally hard hit. 
    - The 2nd FF was a Dong FF by Mitchell, who had just allowed a 32-yard pass play, and then pawed away a ball that was being carelessly held onto by the WR, Hopkins. 

Dick's defense was actually outgained by the lowly Texan offense, 393 to 328.  Fitzhue finished with a 98.7 QB rating.  

vs. Indy

W

51-34

Luck

34

4

81

400

1

0

 

Indy was missing trusty veteran WR Reggie Wayne, due to injury.

- Gay had a rare Pick 6, grabbing an out pass and taking it 33 yds for a TD.

- PIT offense totally dominated TOP, 40 minutes to 20. 

- Dick's defense got a Dong safety, when Luck tripped on his own feet after the snap, and then, while lying flat on his back, threw a pass into the flat to no one, which was ruled Int Grounding in the EZ.

vs. Balt.

W

43-23

Jacco

23

3

63

303

1

1

 

Dick promptly allowed a TD on Balt’s 2nd possession, a one-play drive in which Jacco casually lobbed a deep rainbow lob for an easy 35-yard TD.   On this play, Dick  used the clever tactic of having his free safety, Mitchell, mill around near the LOS for about 3 seconds, and then rush the passer, doing NOTHING at all while McCain got left out to dry in deep solo coverage.  Brilliant !  That Dick -- he’s just so clever !
 
The Stillers took a 14-7 lead late in the 2Q, but sure as a bear poops in the woods, Dick promptly allowed a 10-play, 49-yard march, which culminated in a chippie FG to slice the lead to 4. 

INT was on a Tomczakian lob to NO ONE, which Worilds basically fair caught -- a la Larry Brown in Sup Bowl 30 -- for a Dong INT.   

@ NY Jets

L

20-13

Vick

20

2

150

132

0

0

 

Vick started for only the 2nd time this season.   

For the 8th time in 10 games, Dick's vaunted D allowed a game-oping scoring drive.  This one was a lonnnng, methodical FG march of 14 plays, 72 yards, chewing up nearly 8 minutes of cliock.     On the very next drive, Dick allows a PAP deep ball, good for a 67-yard /TD?, thereby putting the team into a 10-0 hole. 

@ Tenn.

W

27-24

Mettenberger

24

3

49

263

1

0

 

Dick had his weekly luxury, this week getting to face a greenhorned rookie QB (Mettenberger) making his third NFL start and still looking for his first NFL win. 
Dick was gifted a 10-0 lead, but sure enough, Dick quickly allowed Tenn to march 67 yards for a TD.
Dick would have allowed a long TD march, next drive, but a WIDE open McCluster dropped an easy slant pass that should have and would have been an easy TD.   Tenn had to settle for a PAT-like FG. 
Tenn took over at its own 20, late in the 2Q, with only 40 seconds left in the half.   FORTY SECONDS.   What does Dick do….?    Why, he has Mitchell up FIVE yards off the LOS, and Will Allen only TEN yards off.    There is ZERO DEEP HELP, at all, on the play, and Nate Washington hauls in a deep lob with no defender within 15 yards.  You have to be utterly daft and retarded to set up a defense like this, with so little time left in the half.

In the 3Q, Tenn took over at its own 23, and then marched….and marched….and marched….11 plays, 77 yards, for a TD to go up 24-13.   A tight end with six (6) career receptions, suddenly became Tony Gonzalez on this drive, catching 3 passes, including the TD.  
We can all thank the heavens that the O was able to chew up the remaining clock in the 4Q.   Had they not, it was quite easy to see Dick and his Softee Defense allowing a tying FG, if not a cake-easy go-ahead TD

vs. N.O.

L

35-32

Brees

35

5

143

257

0

0

 

Stiller offense dominated play and TOP in the 1Q, and it was 3-0 PIT after 1Q.  It was soon 6-0, but then the roof caved in, as Dick got gashed like a Russian whore by a lonely KGB agent.  

Dick had the luxury of facing Brees in Pittsburgh.  Dick also had the luxury of facing a team coming off a MNF game, meaning the Aints had only 4 days to prepare.  To add to Dick’s luxury, star TE Jimmy Graham was evidently hobbled with an unknown injury, and was never targeted, not even once, the entire game.  The Aints scored on 5 of 6 possessions in the 2Q/3Q/4Q to turn a close game into a laughable blowout.   They’d have surely scored more, but in the 4Q were content to turtle the ball and then punt, what with their ginormous lead. 
Early on, N.O. got into the holiday mood, dropping two passes on their opening drive.   On the next drive, WR Kenny Stills was WIDE open on a deepish post, good for an easy 6, but Brees overthrew him by about 13 feet.
In the 2Q, Dick got gashed for an 8-play, 79 yard TD march, with most of the yardage coming on huge chunks via the ground.  Dick promptly followed up that spewed vomit, by allowing an 80-yard TD march. 
Bell scored to make in a 21-13 game, 4:00 4Q. Sure as shit , Dick allows N.O. to storm back & score a backbreaking TD.  This came on a 3d & 10, in which Dick brought ZERO pressure at all, which allowed Brees an ETERNITY back in the pocket, calmly scanning all over the field before finding a WIDE open Stills down the sideline for a 69-yard TD.   If there’s even an ounce of pressure on this play, Brees never has the time to find Stills and hit him with a pass.  
With 2 weeks to prepare, what does he do…?   Jack fuking shit NOTHING.   No pressure.   No harassment.    Brees could have boiled tea and ate crimpets, totally unfettered, while casually standing around back in the pocket.   Brees went 19 of 27, and at least 4 of those incompletions were dropped passes.   13 days to prepare, and nothing but vanilla pabulum from this over-rated fraud of a coordinator.   Just look at the scoring drives….!    79 yards.   80 yards.   15 yards.   89 yards.  80 yards.   The 15 yarder was after a Ben INT, but every other drive was basically the entire length of the field.  Let us not forget -- in the past 3 games, Dick’s vaunted defense has allowed TD passes of 67, 80, and 69 yards.  In the past 3 games, Dick’s vaunted defense has forced exactly 1 turnover.
The tackling technique was utterly pitiful the entire game.   It was readily obvious that this team didn’t practice live tackling, AT ALL, during the 2 week layoff.    Nice preparation, Dick, you dick. 
Armed with the bye week and 13 (thirrteen) days to prepare, the best Dick could do was this steaming pile of horseshit.?  One measly, meaningless sack.  ZERO turnovers.  No pressure on Brees for nearly the entire ballgame.  And Mark Ingram running wild through gaping holes in Dick’s Softee Defense.   Dick clearly fell asleep after the 1st quarter, and then was brutally sodomized and ass-raped by the New Orleans attack.

 

Brees finished with QB rating of 140.  

 

 

The numbers don’t lie.   The trends and the long-standing drought of feeble turn-over creation, don’t lie.   7 INTs and 5 FFs in 12 games…?  That sucks ass.   Dick is a complete fraud, and nothing more.  

 

As usual, Dick’s Softee Defense™ did jack dick in terms of FORCING and CREATING turnovers.  NONE at all, once  again.  QB pressure?   None.     Diabolical schemes that confused the greenhorn QB? ?   NONE.    “Clever disguises” ?   NONE.     Harassment and heat on the QB?  NONE.  

 

Then there's Dick just FALLING ASLEEP at the wheel.   CONSTANTLY.    In nearly EVERY game.     There's 12 seconds left in the Tampa game, ball at the PIT 5.    TB has ZERO timeouts left.   The Bucs MUST throw the ball into the EZ, as ANYTHING stopped short will NEVER, EVER enable their offense to get off another snap.   A defense has 2 choices here -- go JAILHOUSE at a shit QB, or FLOOD the end zone with about 7 defenders.   What does Dick, The Supreme Deity of Defense, do ?    NEITHER !!     He plays it STRAIGHT UP VANILLA, with no big rush and only 4 defenders in the EZ, so that Glennon has NO ONE in his face, and his WR has to beat only ONE defender.   That's STUPID FUK coaching, no matter what some fuking idiot might try to quibble about.      James Harrison, BAD KNEE and all, at 36 years of age, played in all but THREE snaps versus N.O.   WHY  ?????     That's just fuking stupid.   Harrison hasn't been an EVERY DOWN LB since like 2012.     It's just another example of a Def Coordinator falling asleep at the wheel, derelict of duty and brimming with incompetence.   

 

Of course, you’ll hear all kinds of sob stories and pity parties for Dick.  Hapless and helpless, Dick just stands there, with one thumb in his mouth and the other up his ass.   While Dicks give gobs of PT to stiffs like Brice McCain, Sean Spence, and Cam Thomas, Sharko Thomas and Stephon Tuitt continue to ROT the bench, because, hey, they’ve not completed a 4-year apprenticeship in the NFL like Dick feels they need to.  

 

Want more grim stats?    Look above at the PPG that Dick is allowing…!    It’s fuking hideous !!     You cannot win consistently giving up 26+ points a game.   And the YPG has also completed sucked well-water.  

 

Perhaps the worst stat is the same-old shit of minimal turnovers.    It’s been going on since 2011, with no end in sight.   For the amount of salcap and high draft picks invested in this defense, it sucks ass.   The primary problem, of course, is Dick and his Softee Defense™, with its schemes of the softee sitback.    When ya play soft n’ passive, ya don’t create turnovers.   The only turnovers you’re likely to get, are when the opponent is simply careless or butter-fingered.   Sure enough, though, you’ll continue to be inundated with babble about Dick’s “diabolical schemes” and “clever disguises”.   Clever disguises??     He hasn’t stopped jack shit this season, despise facing offenses that are jack shit.   Clever disguises, my ass.   More like Dick cleverly disguising himself as a competent NFL coordinator.  

 

Sure enough, you’ll watch a Stiller game on TV and the camera will zoom in on Dick, with the announcer gushing, “There’s Dick LeBeau….the revered coach who has been around the NFL for 62 years.   He invented the zone blitz and has forgotten more about football than most coaches can remember...”    First off, Dick invented the zone blitz….way back in like 1993.    To put that in perspective, the Sony Walkman was all the rage and cell phones were the size of a large hoagie.    Twenty years ago…!      Like offensive coordinators haven’t seen Dick’s tired, worn schemes 600 times since then….??!     And as for forgetting, the decrepit Dick, now 77, has simply forgotten more about football than he can remember.  This is why he gets tooled and schooled by a vanilla dullard like Gary Kubiak, the OC of the PoeBirds.  And Lovi Smith, who probably would have been fired by Tampa had he started out 0-4. 

 

Here at Stillers.com, we shall not rest until Dick does the right thing, and resigns…..or Mike Dumblin finally grows a pair and sends Dick packing.   We’ll continue to expose Dick as the over-rated fraud and farce that he truly is.   Stay tuned.   

 

(Still Mill and Stillers.com -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close….)

Follow Mill on Twitter, at StillMill1

 

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