An Open Letter to Mularkey,
Cowher (Aug. 23rd, �01)
(This
is an open letter to Coaches Mularkey and Cowher.)
Dear
Coach Mularkey and Coach Cowhead,
I�m
writing to express my concern over that abomination you people call an
�offense�.��
I�m
not sure if you realize this or not, but this appears to be the exact same
offense that ranked 29th, 26th, and 29th in the NFL the past 3 seasons.� Some folks, including you, might accuse me
of being too pessimistic.�� Here�s a
pertinent article that I wrote last July, as this offense was sputtering and
stinking heading into in �00: http://www.stillers.com/stillmill_show.asp?ID=-1152762224�� That was some 13 months ago, and frankly, I
don�t see anything different as we edge close to the start of the �01
season.�� Sure, Billy has fired the Off.
Coordinator, and the best all-around RB on the team was released, but otherwise
this offense appears to be a Xerox copy of the �00 version.� And the �99 version.� And the �98 version.� Funny coincidence about all 3 of those
versions...none of �em made the playoffs.
I�ve
heard this ridiculous malarkey (no pun intended) that Mike is �hiding� his
offense in preseason.�� No offense, but
this has to be one of the Top 10 most absurd, asinine ideas, since the
suggestion to build a faster submarine by using a screen door rather than a
solid steel one.� Perhaps you can
enlighten me, Mike, on exactly what is so top secret in your offensive arsenal
that you cannot practice it during a preseason game??�� I understand, for example, when the USA gets a bit protective of
its spy planes and jet fighter technology in the hands of China and other rogue
nations.� But is a 25-yard post pattern,
or a simple �go route�, that top-secret that it cannot be practiced and
executed in the preseason??�� Is a
20-yard flag pattern, which I recall running in 5th grade football back in
1977, that �classified� that no one dares run it in public, for fear of �the
enemy� getting wise to it?�� We open
against the Jaguars �- isn�t it remotely possible that the Jax DB�s have seen
Jimmy Smith run downfield patterns from time to time?�� And once you play Jax -� and unveil the Steeler version of the
top-secret B-2 Bomber -- isn�t it at least remotely plausible that the rest of
the NFL �- and the entire free world -- will see exactly what you�ve been
hiding ??
In
the past, I�ve written similar �open letters� to the Off. Coordinator
only.� Why�d I include you on this
letter, Bill?�� Well, you�re the
boss.� You approve Mike�s gameplan every
week.� You give Mike guidance,
instructions, and orders.� You�ve
personally seen �- and lived through -- the abortions created by Gay Ray Sperman
and Kevin Gaypride during the past 3 seasons...and presumably, you�ve learned
from those abortions and are ready & willing to avoid that same fiasco in
�01.�� Bill, you can claim that you�re
not an offensive coach and so on, but at the outlandish salary you are
currently earning, it seems to me that you are inherently responsible for everything
that goes on with that team...from the defense, to the offense, to the special
teams, to the brand of tape your trainers use to wrap players before
practice.��
My
specific worry revolves, of course, around this Nickel-and-Dime passing offense
of yours.�� Call me a pessimistic if you�d
like, but I�m having trouble seeing how an NFL passing game that refuses to
throw the ball further than 9 yards downfield expects to move the ball -� and more
importantly, score POINTS �- in this era of pro football.�
This
Detroit game is your 3rd game of the 4-game preseason slate, but for all
intents and purposes, it�s actually the last preseason game for your
starting offense to gel.�� We all know
that, because of the fear of injury, your starters will be wearing their
sideline caps long before the end of the first quarter in the preseason finale
versus Buffalo.� In light of this fact,
may I suggest a thing or two for your upcoming game versus Detroit?�
Instead
of running line plunges, and 2-yard outs to your speedy fullback, how about
conducting an offense Saturday afternoon, whose PRIMARY purpose is to throw the
ball on virtually every down?�� Mix in
some 2-minute offense, and treat almost every down as though it were �3rd and
6�...?�
On
top of that, how about throwing the ball downfield a few times?� And by �downfield�, I�m talking about
something longer than the 4-yard curl.�
�Downfield�, at a minimum, should be about 18 yards past the LOS.�
I
know this might sound a bit radical, but perhaps you might try to get the ball
downfield, and �up in the air�, for that tall, rangy, athletic, former 1st
round draft pick named Burress??�
I
know the temptation is there to want to spend a lot of time vs. Detroit looking
at the other QBs, but hasn�t Kordell Stewart�s pathetic performance this
preseason �earned� him the right to play a full 3 quarters vs. the
Lions?�� And rather than spending a lot
of time looking at Jason Gavadza, Vanness Provitt, and Kamil Loud, wouldn�t it
make more sense to try getting some cohesion and confidence between the
scattershot Stewart and, say, Edwards, Ward, Shaw, and Burress?� On 3rd down and 11, can we at least attempt
to complete a pass to a Steeler who is position beyond the marker?�
I
don�t expect that you have to prove anything to me...but perhaps you might want
to consider proving something to yourselves...ie, proving that your
perennially-29th-ranked offense can do something -� anything -� more than
merely running plunges and completing the gimme, 4-yard curl passes.�
Thank
you,
Still
Mill