Fish 30, Stillers 15 ……. Oct16, 2016…………Game # 6
Stillers-Dolphs Postgame Analysis and Grades
The 4-1 Stillers went to Miami to face the woeful, hapless 1-4 Fish. As I had clearly warned 7 days ago, this was the epic trap game, with a haughty, over-hyped Stoogelin team going on the road against a hapless opponent a week before facing Brady and the Pats. The result was a 30-15 asswhipping. I’ll put as much effort into this as Stoogelin and his merry crew did….which obviously wasn’t much at all.
Ben - Poor pass to Grimble on a flag, late 1Q, which was a bit too long. Then, on the next play, a shit pass to AB, 2nd & 10. On the next play, assaholically took a 9-yard sack on 3rd down from the MIA 29, pushing the team out of FG range. Threw a forced pass for an INT, 2Q, and injured his knee on the play.
Completely dogshit pass, 3Q, which was INT’d. Forced it, off balance, with an incredibly piss-poor throw that sailed well over James, who was WIDE open. Nearly threw another INT at 11:30 4Q. All in all, a wretched, sorry-assed performance, regardless of the knee. D
Laundry Jones - came on in relief of Ben, mid 2Q. His first pass, on a 3d & 1 near midfield, was a hopeless lollipop that was nearly INTd. Wretched. Why is this swallower still on the roster? With Ben needing surgery, I cannot fathom having to rely on this scared, timid stiff of a QB. C-
Bell - snared a 2-point pass, 1Q. Busted up the gut for 13 yards on a key 3d & 1, late 1Q. Stellar run up RG for 12, 5:10 2Q. Had a very solid 53 yards on only 10 rushes, which would make anyone ask…..why in the hell wasn’t he given more carries? Yes, I realize he grabbed 6 passes, but that isn’t nearly enough touches. At all. A-
DeAngelo – after last week’s 1 token touch, DW was really showered with work…..all of 3 carries and no catches. Inc
Will Johnson, Nix - Nix finally dressed, but the FB was rarely, if ever, used.
Brownie – gained 6 yards on an end around, late 1Q. Snagged a curl, next play, for 12. Superb back shoulder grab, 3Q. Only 4 grabs for 39, and it’s a matter of time before we see a Beckham-like tantrum from AB. B-
Pinkie Wheaton – Mister Sofftee has a sore shoulder, so he sat this game out. Again. He’s just so soff.
Coates - played dispute a broken finger and the lacerated hand. Got only small PT and had no grabs.
Rogers - superb catch and RAC, 3d & 10 3Q, which thankfully moved the chains for a mightily struggling offense. Dropped a short crosser that would have been huge RAC, late 4Q. 4 grabs for 35. The drop enraged me. C+
Heyward-Gay – took a 1Q end around like he was shot out of a cannon and trucked a tackler, and then raced to the end zone for a 60-yard TD run. No catches. A-
Hamilton - grabbed an out pass, late 4Q. Then hauled in a 23-yard TD lob, 1:02 4Q. A
Jesse James - flagged for a hold, 1Q, negating a 7 yard run by Bell. Grabbed a short out, late 1Q, and gained 8. Got humiliated by Wake on a 3rd down speed rush, late 1Q, which caused a sack. C
Grimble - gained 11 on a 1Q valve pass. Flagged for a hold, which was declined by the INT, 2Q. C+
OL: Overall, the line was unable to contain the Mia pass rush. The running game seemed to have good promise, but Haley refused to lean on it.
Villeneueva - flagged for a false start, 2Q.
Gilbert - FatAss Marcus again sat the game out.
Hubbard - started for the 2nd time at RT. Mother Hubbard got totally abused off the snap on an early 3d & 6, allowing the DE to race right by him and then grabbed his neck for a holding flag. C+
Foster – Adequate game.
Pouncey - Played ok.
DeCastro – On the early 3d & 6 that Chubbard was tooled on, so, too, was Fat Ass DeAsstro. Flagged for a hold on a running play, 3Q, which negated a 7 yard run by Bell. Gee, it’s a good thing GM Kevin Doltbert rushed out to extend this stiff. Even better, I suppose, that Dolbert overpaid him. C-
Hargrave - Had a couple of helps on run stuffs, but far, far too little for all the raves and press clippings on this fellow. C+
McCullers - finally did something, bullrushing and attacking the QB, but failed to corral the QB , and Tannehill casually scooted away and then lofted the 53-yard completion, mid 2Q. The weak-assed pussy had the QB in his mitts, but was too weak and soft to bring down the QB. Did very, very little otherwise. To think, his chance at his first ever NFL solo tackle, up in smoke. I’m growing quite weary of this over-rated fat-ass. D
Heyward – again sat out with the ham.
Tuitt – after doing exactly NOTHING the entire 1H, got nicked up early in the 3Q. Hey look…..a Stefanie Tuitt sighting !! Finished with a mouse-quiet 3 solos and zero QB disruptions. D
Matthews - feebly whiffed on the RB, late 2Q, allowing a 12 yard gain.
Timmons – Far, far too slow to cover Foster on a key 3d & 4, 2:00 2Q. Puked on the field after the MIA TD, late 2Q. This was the extent of his contributions, and pretty much summed up the entire team’s effort. Whiffed on RAC, early 3Q. Had 5 solos in a mediocre effort. C+
Shaquier – once again, Yancey sat out. His vag was apparently a bit sore. Complete pansie.
Moats - soft on run support, 12:20 2Q. Far, far too soft on the 32-yard run up RT, 3Q. Played a bunch of snaps and had 2 solos, along with ZERO pass harassment. D-
Harrison – delivered a good lick on the RB for a loss of 6, late 2Q. Did little else.
Jones – whiffed on early RAC by Landry, and on the next play, got sealed in air-tight on a 12 yard dash around end by the RB. Then drifted waaay too wide a few plays later, allowing a GAPING hole up LT for an easy 10 yards. Got SEALED IN on the wide run for 21 yards, early 3Q. Looked as slow as a Mark Breuner on the late TD gallop by Ajayi. Complete barf. F
Chickillo - good stop of a ground play, 1Q. Allowed the RAC to slip thru his hands, early 3Q, and then feebly claimed injured on try. Good hole fill on a 3d & 1, later in that drive. B-
Vinnie W. - started in placed of Yancey Shazier. Good shed of block and stop of flare RAC, mid 2Q. Got nicked up in the 3Q.
Matakevich - pressed into duty when Vinnie got hurt. Good solo stop of the RAC to force a FG, 4Q, which was no good. Tooled on a 3rd down bootleg pass, 4Q. Had 6 solos. B-
Dupree – did not dress. Fuk, is this team in dire need of his abilities. Prob won’t play till game 8 or 9.
Golden – Did little in his return to the lineup. Feebly flailed and whiffed on the late TD romp by Ajayi. C
Mitchell – The Big Tough Guy got TRUCKED by Landry on the early catch & run, allowing an extra 5 yards in the process. To add insult to injury, he stupidly & foolishly earned a 15-yard flag for un. Roughness on the play. Thankfully got shaken up a few plays later and limped off the field. Unfortunately for the team, he returned to the field. Took a silly, no-brained late hit flag with the clearly EXTRA shove on the RB well out of bounds, early 3Q. D-
Gay - dropped a cake-easy INT, 1Q. Moronically lost rack of his man on the Tannehill scramble, allowing a 53-yard completion to the PIT 1. D-
Cockrell - Got abused for an early 1Q TD, but the WR clumsily dropped the ball. Was again tooled, mid 2Q, for a TD pass, but the intended receiver allowed the ball to CLANG off his shoulder pads. Busted up and out pass, 1:50 2Q. Completely tooled by Parker on a 3d & 6, deep in PIT territory (PIT 16), which game MIA a 1D at the 5 yard line. Very soft, and very poor. Sure enough, you’ll be bombarded with Pgh. media articles, claiming how great Cockrell has been playing. It’s all complete bullshit. C-
Burns - Got his first start. Tooled on a deep flag, late 2Q, giving MIA the ball at the PIT 2. Made 5 solos. C
Davis - for no known reason, has been demoted so far down the chart that Dangerfield, a scrub, was inserted when Big Mike Mitchell was injured.
Justin Gilbert - no PT on D. After all, Gay and Russ CockSmell are such studly, stellar CBs.
Dangerfield - came in for Bitchell. Did little.
Sharko Thomas – sat out due to injury.
Jordan Cherry – punted like complete vomit. Had a rotten 38-yard punt, early 1Q. Shoddy punt, late 2Q, which was short anyway, and then bounced backwards for a net of 25 yards. Complete barf. Oh, he had a couple adequate boots, which in the boscore will mask the complete vomit he produced today. D
Boswell – No real work. Had an okay offsides KO late in the game, but the Fish WR was able to high point the ball.
AB – allowed all of 2 Mia punts to bounce and roll.
Stevey Johnson laid the wood on the punt returner early in the game. But, he had a moronic block to the back on the KO return, late 2Q, negating a decent KO return.
Matakevich alertly snagged a 1Q onsides KO by Miami. The play was re-played because the ball supposedly was booted before the officials were ready. Very odd.
Justin Gilbert finally saw the field, returning a KO late in the 2Q. McCullers finally did SOMETHING, blocking a 3Q FG.
OC: Todd Galey oversaw a grab-bag of random bullshit and garbage. 3d & 10 on the Mia 29, 1st half, and a sack pushes the team out of FG range. On this play, Galey cleverly had Jesse James assigned to SOLO block Cameron Wake, which resulted in a sack. A completely brain-dead idea.
Wasted TO, late 1Q, as the team took forever to line up and prepare for a 3d & 1 play.
3d & 1, 2nd half, with Jones at QB…..and Haley refuses to let Bell -- his BEST player on the field -- get the 1st down, instead asking Jones to pass for it. The result was a dogshit pass that was at least 9 feet off target on Haley’s favorite play, the back shoulder pass.
Getting Bell only 10 carries in what was a fairly close ballgame on the scoreboard ….complete bullshit. I’ve rarely seen a seasoned, tenured NFL OC go into full panic mode, down by only ONE and then only EIGHT points, and going all pass-happy. Against THE WORST run defense in the NFL. Just unbelievable.
Is it just me, or am I the only one who finds it odd that this offense’s “go to play” is none other than a circus-act, high wire back shoulder sideline pass to AB, which requires surgical precision from both the QB and WR, and works, oh, about 9% of the time. Sure, when it works, by golly it’s a thing of beauty. WHEN it works. The other 91% of the time, it looks like supreme horseshit. As it did in this Fish game, and as it did in the Raven loss last season, and as it does just about every week. Yes, AB snared 1 of these passes versus Mia, on a CIRCUS, finger-tip catch that would have been incomplete at least 75% of the time.
All in all, a cutesy, grab-ass game plan against 1 of the very worst defenses in pro football. Perhaps the surgery and loss of Ben will finally force Galey to wake up and develop something resembling a game plan. F
Keith Assler had the luxury of facing a stiff of a QB in Ryan Tannehill. Unbelievably, Assler made Tannehill look like the 2nd coming of Roger Staubach, allowing an EASY, COMFY day for the QB, who was 24 of 32 for 252, ZERO INTs, and ZERO sacks. Along with, of course, very, very sparse pressure and harassment.
Wasted TO, 5:00 1Q. The Stiller pinned the Fish on their own 11, mid 2Q, but as often occurs, Assler allowed a long, laborious march, all the way down to the PIT 1. Only an oddball illegal formation penalty negated the TD catch by Miami, and then a Miami player DROPPED an easy TD pass 2 plays later, forcing a FG. Still, it was entirely soft and cheezy.
Late in the 2Q, Assler allowed a 71-yard TD march, against as feeble an offense as exists in the NFL.
5 defenders failed to bring down Williams on a simple gut plunge, 12:05 3Q, which gained 10 yards. Clear evidence of a team that showed up with a soft, “it’s in the bag” mindset.
Allowed a 6 play, 52 yard TD march 3Q. Key play, a 3d & 6 from the PIT 16, in which the CB was giving a NINE yard cushion despite such limited real estate.
Ajayi had almost twice as many yards today as he had in the first 5 games IN TOTAL. 204 rushing yards allowed to some piss-ass scrub. Suddenly, Ajayi is the second coming of Gale Sayers and Walter Payton, all thanks to one Keith Assler. And the entire defense got shredded by a weak-assed Fish offense. Fuk Keith Assler. F
HC: Mike Dumblin oversaw the egg lay that I fully anticipated and expected. The team came out, right from the first series, with a softee, flaccid mentality. The hitting sucked ass, the focus sucked ass, and the intensity sucked ass. Facing such a decrepit, inept foe, Stoogelin ONCE AGAIN allowed his team to play DOWN to the competition with a rash of silly-assed boners and blunders. The team chewed ass and ball, and chewed it completely. That Haley gameplan that threw the running game completely out the window had to be approved by someone, and that someone is the dunce himself, Michael Stoogelin.
50 seconds left in the game, down by FIFTEEN, and Stoogelin insists on sending Ben out onto the field, bad knee and all, for MORE BEATINGS. Brilliant !! Ben is literally getting whipped to the ground on this series, and Dumbfuk Tomlin just stands there, with thumbs up his various orifices. Ben has a torn MCL and needs surgery, oh by the way.
After this loss. Steelers are 5-11 in last 16 road games against sub .500 teams. Let that soak in for a minute. 5-11. All because the mental midget, Michael Stoogelin, is entirely incapable of having his team prepared and fired up to whupp ass on a vastly inferior opponent. F
Synopsis: A team stink of epic proportions. A colossal egg lay. The entire team chewed salami. Anyone with half a brain -- which sadly excludes the entire Pittsburgh media -- could smell this rotten egg from 10 miles away. Now Ben will need surgery, putting the entire season at risk of peril. Next up, a home game against Bellichick, Brady and Gronk. Who only knows what caliber of Stiller team will show up for this game.
(Still Mill and Stillers.com -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close….)
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