Loose Slag from the Still Mill
- Newsflash:�
Little John Boy Feelalla has been cut!!�
If the salary cap weren�t such a bear to deal with, it might actually be
funny to recall March of 2002, when the Stillers -- only weeks after John Boy
spent the AFC Title game on his knees flailing at Troy Brown -- rushed like
rabid wolves to sign Little John Boy to a fatty contract before the free
agency period even began. �The Stillers were just trying to beat the market,�
cried the typical, dim-bulbed Steeler fan.�
On this pathetic signing, the only thing the front office beat was their
monkeys.� Hilariously enough, the
Stillers actually attempted to trade John Boy this past March, and, after the
league-wide laughter subsided, the Stillers discovered they had no takers.�
- Another newsflash:� The Stillers have supposedly asked Mark �Feet of Stone� Bruener
to take a pay cut, all the way down to the league minimum $750K.� It�s about time.� For far, far too long, Bruener has chewed up far too much cap
money for what he provides.� Having said
that, the best course of action of this team would be for Bruener to refuse a
paycut and be summarily released.� The
best all-around TE on this roster -- and by far the more dangerous weapon -- is
Jay Riemersma, but as long as Mr. Stonefoot, Mark Bruener, remains on this
roster, he�ll be entrenched as the starter.�
- Of rookie CB Ike Taylor: "He's quick,
intelligent, instinctive, he feels the game," Tiny Tim Lewis said.
"He just needs to get reps." Nice idea, just the wrong head
coach to actually apply this theory into action. If in doubt, see Hank
Poteat, a 3rd round draft pick who was a higher investment than the 4th
round pick this team invested in Taylor.�
Poteat, as you should know, played all of maybe 20 snaps at CB in
three (3) NFL regular seasons combined. Unless a position is
ravaged by injury &/or free agency, Billy Cowher�s preferred method of �getting
reps� is to have the guy entrenched firmly on the bench and getting reps by filling
up paper cups at the water cooler.
- Of Kendrell Bell: �We want to find a way to
get them involved, instead of standing on the sideline next to coach," Tiny
Tim Lewis said. Gee, now there's an idea. Why
hadn't I, or anyone else, thought of this before?�� No wonder Lewis is so bright�so intelligent�and so admired.� Why hadn�t anyone thought, way back last
season, of getting the team�s best tackler and hitter �involved, instead of
standing on the sideline next to coach�?��
Fans are correct -- it obviously takes an enormous amount of
intelligence to be a coach on the NFL.�
In fact, it�s not a reach to fathom that the NASA space program suffers today
because over 200 of our truly brightest Americans are consumed with NFL coaching
chores when they could be engineering the next generation of space
shuttles.�
- Kudos to my esteemed colleague, Still Desi,
for his splendid article on poor Tommy Maddox.�
Not only was his article better written than I could have done, but it also
saved me the time from having to comment on the absurd whining by Poor Tommy
and his agent, Vann McElroy.�
- Note to Poor Tommy:� Last September, as the backup QB, you inherently were Pittsburgh�s
favorite player.� This September, that
honor falls to Charlie Batch.�� Don�t
think for a moment that, if the team starts off 0-2 and/or if you struggle
early on, there won�t be thunderous calls from the bleachers for Batch�
- How do the coaches plan to use Bell this season? �"As much as we can," said defensive
coordinator Tiny Tim Lewis. "He's a tremendous football player, and, of
course, you want to try to keep your players who are difference-makers on the
field as often as you can." Ok, that makes sense.�� So, why, then, is Jason Gildon on
the field as much as he is....?
- The Stillers adroitly want to use KenBell all over the
field.� Good idea.�� But they�ve expanded that thought process
to a proposal of having Bell play safety on some occasions. �This is patently absurd. �For starters, Bell belongs at LINEBACKER,
where he can disrupt running plays; blast blockers on pass plays when he blitzes;
blow up screen plays; and serve as an adroit tackler on short swing passes to
RBs and on QB scrambles.�� What this
defense doesn�t need, is Kendrell Bell covering either a �decoy receiver� 25
yards downfield -- to remove Bell from the �box� -- or a speedy RB or WR who
will be wide open, both of which a savvy offense will certainly do if the
Stillers try this absurdity on a regular basis.�� Furthermore, the Stillers invested a 3rd and a 1st round
pick on talented rookie safety Troy Pola.�
Ergo, there�s absolutely no need to remove Bell from what he does best
in order to cover a spot that is already filled by a talented man more than
capable of performing the chores.�
- Speaking of safety, the very best thing that can happen
for this defense, is a starting safety combo of either Mike Logan and Troy
Pola, or Chris Hope and Troy Pola.� Obviously,
Pola absolutely has to start, and Logan would be my choice to start opposite
Pola.� But Logie�s injury, combined with
this coaching staff�s immense hatred of the thought of Logie starting, makes
that a slim proposition.� In September,
there will be some newcomer mistakes, but over the long haul of the season, Hope
will make far more plays on balls than Mister Slowfoot, Burnt Alexander.�� Right now, aside from Jason GilDong, the
biggest weak spot on this defense is Burnt Alexander�.yet the coaching staff
appears to be making every effort to ensure Burnt remains entrenched as
the starter.� Last year, the coaching
staff and front office refused to address the glaring problems of Flowers and
Alex at safety.� This year, they helped
rectify the problem by adding Pola, but the insistence on starting Alex -- similar
to what Billy Cowher did a few years ago with Darren Perry when Perry was
obviously well past any prime he may have had -- means that possibly only half
of the glaring safety problem will be fixed when the season begins.�
- Speaking of Ken Bell -- when the Stillers crowed last
summer about moving Bell to �rush end� on passing downs, this writer, and only
this writer, vehemently stated that the best use of Bell was on the inside
pass rush, not the outside.�� Bell�s
incredible explosiveness & ability to bowl over a would-be blocker is best
served on the inside, not on the outside where he�s locking horns with an
awaiting offensive tackle.� I take the
time to reiterate this, because, given the mental deficiencies of both Billy
Cowher and Tiny Tim Lewis, the Stillers are liable to make the same blunder
this summer.�
- "We make a tape of each position," OC Mike Mularkey
said. "Plays that these guys played physical and played to the whistle, a
highlight tape that I show them the first day of each camp, 'This is what's
expected of you physically and mentally." Playing physical and
playing to the whistle are as foreign to Jason Gildon as the observation of
human rights was to the Saddam Hussein regime. We can assume, then, that
the tape made on behalf of Jason Gildon �playing physical and playing to the
whistle� lasted all of about 10 seconds.
- On the
other hand, if taped footage were needed of Jason getting bullied and bulldozed
-- and then uselessly jogging over to the pile to perform his clapping and
cheering -- or of Jason pathetically taking the play off by loafing or jogging
or turning his back to the blocker, the tape could very well last longer than
the typical Kevin Costner movie.� �
- �Bettis� weight is as low as it has ever been," Billy
Cowher said. "Jerome's best year was in 1997, when he was here at the same
weight. �He is in better shape now than
he was this time that year. I like where he is." �Supposedly, The Tubby Tailback �easily passed�
a June 1 weigh-in where he was required to be under 260 to earn a bonus.� Of course, because no one witnessed this
weigh-in, we have no idea what Doughboy Bettis might actually weigh.� Because the team is so in love with Bettis,
he could have weighed 270 and the team could still pay out the bonus if it
wanted to.� And, each summer for the
past 4 years, we�ve heard similar cock-and-bull stories about �Jerome is in the
best shape of his life�, only to see Bettis in preseason carrying at least 270
pounds.� Finally, Cowher also claimed
the following: �Brett Keisel is a guy who came out of nowhere last year, and
now has put on about 18 pounds.���
Funny, but Keisel is listed as 10 pounds lighter on the Steelers'
current roster than the 279 pounds they listed him as last year.� When it comes to revealing the truth about
players� weights, Billy Cowher is about as credible as Saddam Hussein or Billy
Clinton.�
- For years, the Stillers have staunchly insisted that Bettis weighs 255 pounds.� Go check out every media source, as well as the official Steelers Media Guide, for the past 4 years.� Every source cites Bettis� supposed weight as 255 pounds.� Then ask yourself, �What was the big deal, then, for giving Bettis a bonus if he weighed under 260?�� Hadn�t he already accomplished that the past 4 years?� �Or, (gasp)�.was there a little bit of �misinformation� in the data provided by the team on Fat Jerome�s weight??�
- I think Bettis can contribute to this year�s team in a platoon
role.� Problem is, he costs the team an
enormous amount of cap money to be a platooner.� Hearken back to last year, and then ask yourself if the team
would have been better off using Bettis� outrageous cap hit on, not one, but two
real starting safeties.� Additionally, I
hear a lot of blather about how the Tubby Tailback will be used to �wear down
defenses in the 4th quarter�.� Last time
I checked, when this team is behind in the 4th quarter -- and we most assuredly
will have at least a few games like that, especially if Burnt Alex is our
starting FS -- The FatBack is rightfully sitting on his fat ass on the Stiller
bench, because he provides nothing to the passing game.� �
- OG K. Simmons
had some minor arm surgery.� Given the
shuffling that is already occurring with Smith & Fordham/Ross, this scares
me.� Billy Cowher is famous for his perennial
wasting of training camp and the preseason to get his O-line gelled and
cohesive (see the 1998 fiasco for a prime example of this.)� �Vincent is more than capable of stepping in, but the shuffling
that may result if Simmon�s is only semi-healthy scares me almost as much as
the thought of enduring another season with Burnt Alex as the starting FS.�