Stillers 20, Chefs 12 ……. Dec 21, 2014…………Game # 15
Stillers-Chefs Postgame Analysis and Grades
The Stillers hosted the mediocre KC Chefs, and mostly played grab-ass instead of putting this feckless foe to bed long before the 4Q. KC made it interesting in the 4Q, but the Stillers hung on for a tight 8-point win, thereby clinching a playoff spot.
Grades:
QB: Ben had an ok game, going 18 of 25 for 220 and 0 INTs. To be fair, part of the problem was that, especially in the 1H, every time the defense stepped onto the field, the Chefs were able to reel off these lonnnnggg, clock-chewing marches, thereby keeping Ben and the O on the bench.
Superb shrug-off of a pass rush, and hitting AB for a huge TD late in the 3Q. He was intentionally tripped/leg-whipped by a D-lineman on this play, and was taken to the locker room after this TD. Luckily he came back and missed no time. B+
RB:
Bell - Stutter Bell had an ok day, rushing 20 times for only 63 yards, and grabbing just 1 pass for 9. Superb effort on a 2Q screen, spinning and cutting from tacklers and gaining 9 yards out of nothing. Perhaps his best carry of the day, was a 3d & 1 plunge deep in KC territory in the 3Q. He managed, on 2nd effort, to eke it over for the 1st down, and 2 plays later the Stillers scored on an AB TD grab to take a 17-9 lead. B
Archer: Pee Pee Archer finally dressed. Unlike KC’s De’Anthony Thomas, Pee Pee contributed absolutely nothing the entire game. F
FB:
Johnson saw some PT and chipped in with some ok blocking.
WR:
Brownie – Dropped, with 1 hand, a short lob in the EZ, late 2Q. He atoned for it a few plays later, grabbing a 3-yard TD. Had 7 grabs for 72. B
Pinkie Wheaton - Had 2 early grabs, and then was basically unheard from. 2 for 27 yards doesn’t feed the bulldog. C
Archer: Did not dress. By the way, he’s just so fast & explosive, and quick, too. Good thing Doltbert rabidly reached for this smurf in the 3rd round…!
Lance “Yancey” Moore - played, but never targeted.
Bryant - hauled in a 44-yard deep lob, first series. On the next play, ran an end around for about 9. Seems much faster on routes than with the ball in his hands. Had only 1 grab, which isn’t enough. B-
Heyward-Gay - fortunately wasn’t targeted. He has more penalties, and last names, than he does receptions.
Justin Brown – the early season hero and he-man was once again deactivated.
TE:
Miller - Nice 1st half, but then dropped a 1-yard TD pass at 4:25 2Q. This luckily became moot, when Bell scored 2 plays later on a short plunge. Superb pluck, amid tight coverage, on 3d & 7 at 5:13 4Q, good for 10 yards, which enabled the drive to continue and more clock to be chewed. Solid blocking. B+
Palmer - PalmBoy clumsily dropped a low, but eminently catchable, pass in the EZ with 4:15 left in the game. D-
Spaeth - fortunately for all of us, he did not dress.
Adams - got a fair amount of work as an extra TE. Since his speed and hands are as good as Spaeth’s, shouldn’t he simply be the primary 2nd TE ….??
OL:
Beacham - failed to engage DE Bailey on a swing pass to Bell, 2Q, which enabled Bailed to bat the pass. At 11:15 3Q, got totally mauled for a sack. He got a TON of help in this game, be it from a 2nd TE or a chip-blocking back. Sure enough, you’ll be inundated with 5 more articles next week by the ignoramuses of the Pgh. Media, fawning and gushing over BeachBum as though he were the 2nd coming of Anthony Munoz. D
Gilbert - FatAss Marcus finally returned to the starting lineup. Got thoroughly tooled in a simplistic rush move, which enabled the defender to smack Ben’s arm as he released. Luckily, it was ruled Inc and not a fumble. Had several struggles. C-
Foster - Took a needless, foolish dead-ball penalty after the Suisham FG at 4:04 4Q. This forced the ensuring KO at the 20, which, after a short pop-up KO, was returned to midfield. What a jacknut. D
Pouncey – Enraged me when, on a 1st & goala t the 1, he came up to the LOS, grabbed the ball, and moved it BACKWARDS like a complete idiot. Jeff Hartings routinely moved the ball forwards in this manner, but Pouncey liked to hinder, not help, his club. He also committed a false start on 3d & 10, 1Q. C
DeCastro - was getting mauled when his man tripped Ben on the TD pass.
DL:
Cam Thomas - fortunately, did not see much PT. Probably was too busy hogging whatever snack he could forage along the bench area.
McLendon - okay game in helping to jam the ground game of Charles and the Chefs. B
Heyward – set up Harrison’s early sack with a beastly bullrush that mauled the blocker and put pressure in the face of the QB. Then looped around on a stunt, later in the drive, and got a Dong Sack. Stellar tackle to stop Thomas on a quick throwback, 11:00 4Q. Is really blossoming into a true stud at DE. A.
Tuitt - the vaunted 2nd rounder got another start. Unblocked, made a stop of Davis, early 2Q. Laid a punishing lick on Charles after a 3Q dumpoff, forcing the rarest of rare birds, a Stiller forced-fumble. Of course, instead of helping to recover the loose ball, Tuitt gets up, pounding his chest and looking AWAY from the ball, like a complete jackass. Got a DONG Sack when Smith tripped over his own 2 feet, just before the 2MW late in the game. Absolutely must get the start in every game here on out, over FatAss Cam Thomas. B+
LB:
Timmons – good stop of Charles, 1st series. Then had good coverage on Gonzo in the EZ, next play. Had a strong hole-fill on the late 2Q 4th & 1 run by Charles, putting the initial lick on Charles that forced the stop short of the sticks. Tooled by Kelce on 13 yard completion, 3d & 4, mid 3Q. Coach Dumblin challenged the play, as Kelce juggled it as he was going to the ground. It was incorrectly ruled a catch, as he must maintain control as he goes to the ground, but the KC drive continued. Dropped a difficult, but catchable, INT at 10:23 4Q. Led the team with 9 solos and 4 A’s in a very stellar, Hard Hat effort. A
Shaquier – Got a few snaps here and there. Made 2 solos. Dick will give him more PT…..in 2016.
Worilds - Again, I thought Big LaMarr went to the Raidas. What, praytell, is he still doing with the Stillers ?? Oh wait, that was The Hokie Hooker, Jason Worilds, who once again STOOD AROUND doing nothing the entire day.
On the very 1st play from scrimmage, Big Jason got mauled by a TE, allowing Charles to gash up RT for an easy 10 yard gainer. Unbelievably, Fat Andy Reid refused to run at Then Hoklie Hooker the rest of the game, instead futilely running at Harrison. On a 3d & G at the 5, 2Q, Smith was flushed from the pocket and he ran OOB for a 3-yard loss, with Big Jason getting a meaningless DONG Sack to pad his stats as a future free agent. Got a semi legit sack, early 3Q, as the KC OT, Harris, pulled an Mike Adams-like whiff, allowing Big Jason an easy path to the QB. Big Jason had a CAKE easy sack of Smith, having him entirely BEAR HUGGED at 4:00 4Q, but then, like the weak piss-ass that he is, he allowed Smith to slither away and throw the ball away. Don’t le the Dong sacks fool you into thinking he had some sort of “monster game”. Nothing could be further from the truth. C-
Moats - played only sparingly.
Harrison - got an early Half Dong Sack when Heyward blasted into the QB’s face. Totally blew up his blocker and then stuffed Thomas, late 2Q, for a 6 yard loss, throwing the blocker and then Thomas rudely to the ground. Fuking stellar !! Soon later, stood up Fasano at the POA on the ultra critical 4th & 1, late 2Q, which helped stop the play short of the sticks. Had a strong game with 4 solos and 3 As. A
Jones - got some snaps spelling Harrison, but did little. Can’t believe he added no muscle this past offseason.
Vinnie W. - chipped in on a stop, early 3Q. Completely whiffed on Charles after a dumpoff, 11:3-0 4Q, on a play that netted 16 yards. A shit play by a shit player.
Spence - Made a rare, good stop on a ground play, 1st series, for a 1 yard gain. Solid string and stop of Charles, early 2Q. Had 3 solos, a career high. Flagged for a hold, 4Q. B-
DB
Ike - did not dress, due to the shoulder injury.
Pola - did not dress, due to the knee injury from last week.
Mitchell – soft and lazy on the out pass to Wilson, late 2Q, which gained 33 yards. Really, one of the softest and laziest play I’ve seen in years. Was slow as sh!t on the replay reviewed dump-off, late 2Q. Had he stepped in with alacrity and made this stop, the stop is made well short of the 1st down. D-
Gay - flew up and dropped Charles on a throwback pass, 1st series. Whiffed on a short completion to Wilson, which ended up gaining 33 yards. Busted up a short out, 3Q. After a 3d & 16 play was stopped 14 yards from the sticks, Gay, who’d done exactly nothing on the play, had to preen and taunt, and was flagged for taunting, thus continuing the drive. What a a jackass. C-
Blake - busted up a pass to Bowe in the EZ, 2Q. Tooled on a deep post, early 3Q, but luckily the ball was overthrown.
McCain - started at CB in place of the injured Ike.
Will Allen - started in lieu of Pola, because, you know, Will is so vastly superior to Sharko Thomas. Committed a needless, jackassed roughing-the-passer penalty in the 2Q. Helped stop Charles on the 4th & 1 run, late 2Q. C+
Sharko Thomas – not permitted to play on defense. I guess he might get some PT in 2016. Inc
C. Allen - Queertez rotted the bench. Dumblin and Dick luv banishing a guy for weeks on end. I get benching a guy, but there is no rule that says he must be benched for 9 consecutive weeks. It’s not like Queertez had Ronnie Lott and Mike Haynes behind him on the depth chart.
Spec teams:
Wing – punted twice. Dogshit 34-yard punt, late 1Q. You can pretty much bet at least half your paycheck that this sorry bastard is going to throw an enormous wrench into a playoff game with his sorry-assed punting. D
Suisham - booted 2 chippie FGs. Struggled like a little bitch in KOs. B-
Archer – did nothing on spec teams. He’s just so fast and explosive, though. An absolute steal in the 3rd round, even more so than KC’s De’Anthony Thomas, who was taken in round 4.
Wheaton returned the opening KO, meekly dancing and getting all the way to his own 15.
Ventrone totally blew up a KC KO return, 4:00 2Q. Nice effort.
Wilbur Johnson snared the late onsides KO. His hands are 6 times better than Spaeth and PalmBoy, yet he rarely is ever thrown a pass. Go figure.
OC:
The Stillers entered this game with only 1 game-opening TD drive all season, but seemed poised to add to this weak statistic. Haley had a comfy 2d & 4 at the KC 7, but as always, they pissed this away and settled for what was an extra point FG for 3 points in lieu of 7.
As happens every week, the offense dawdled ad nauseum, and pissed away a TO at 2:18 3Q.
The offense wasn’t super prolific, but much of that needs to be blamed on the defense, who allowed clock chewing drive after clock chewing drive, which forced Ben and the offense to stand helplessly on the sidelines. The RZ bog-downs were maddening, and it’s what will separate a W from a loss come playoff time. B-
DC:
Dick had his weekly luxury of a star opponent hobbled, this week being Dwayne Bowe, who suffered from the flu all week and had to get IVs continually during the week. Dick also had the luxury of facing an inept KC offense, which had the fewest completions in the NFL over 20 yards in the air, and had not thrown a single TD pass to a WR all season. Not one. Of course, chief (sic) among this sickly KC offense is QB Alex Smith, who enjoys nothing more than throwing piss-ant lil’ 3-yard passes on nearly every down.
Dick was given an early 3-0 lead. Sure as shit, Dick pisses it away at lightning speed, allowing a lonnnggg, clock-chewing march that went 14 plays and consumed over 7 minutes of clock. On a 3d & 16, opening series, Dick goes soft, allowing a 19 yard completion.
2nd series - 3d & 8 on the PIT 30, and Dick goes soft again, allowing an easy 13 completion to Bowe. Remember, Bowe is the weakling drained by the flu, so instead of sending waves of defenders to knock the piss out of Bowe on every single play, Dick HELPS the guy out by playing soft, 12-yard cushions, and having defenders avoid Bowe as though he had the Ebola virus…..! What a complete fuking retard. Dick didn’t have a defender press or jam Bowe THE ENTIRE game.
Dick’s entire starting defense was on the field for a shorty FG deep in PIT territory in the 2Q, and as usual, Dick gets tooled on a fake, allowing a 1st down on a fake FG What a riot -- The Vaunted, “legendary” Dick LeBeau, getting tooled by Fat Andy Reid !! LMAO !! And do not forget -- that alignment and the PLAYCALL was ALL by Dick......dropping the “RDE”, Gay, back and to the INSIDE, which simply GAVE the Chefs the corner on that play. Only Dick could devise such an imbecilic scheme.
Throughout the 1st half, Dick allowed Alex “Unitas” Smith to go 15 of 20 for 177, and never forced a punt. In fact, KC totally dominated TOP in the half.
Dick was given an early Xmas present, when Jamaal Charles got his ankle nicked up, early 3Q. AS noted above, Dick’s defense was burned,as it often has been this season, on a deep post that should have been a long KC TD, but Smith badly was off target, as he has been ALL season long on downfield passes.
At 6:20 3Q, Dick’s Softee Defense finally produced a rare bird, a FF and recovery…! This is more rare than gold coin left over from the Ming Dynasty.
3d & 7, early 4Q, and Dick goes soft again, allowing a 9 yard completion to Davis.
As noted above, Dick also had the luxury of facing an inept KC offense, which had the fewest completions in the NFL over 20 yards in the air and had not thrown a TD pass to a WR all season. Yet there was Dick, having his DBs play super softee, with 12 yard cushions…! What a complete moh-ron. Of course, Dick managed to allow Alex Smith -- the queen of mediocre QBing -- to have his 1st 300-yard game of the season. And here are the points the Chefs have scored in their eight road games this year: 17, 34, 17, 23, 17, 20, 14, 12 (today). They've been held under 20 five (5) times. Sure enough, there are idiots galore, all over the country and the Internet, singing Dick’s praises today, as though he shut down the ’84 Dolphins. What a farce. Don’t be a fool and be fooled by this average performance against a mediocre opponent with 2 hobbled star players (Bowe, Charles). D+
HC: Mike Dumblin will be all proud, beating a terribly mediocre Chefs team in the luxury of the home field. The 3 asinine, silly 4Q penalties show Dumblin has yet to squelch the discipline issues that plagued this team early in the season. Ditto, too, for the imbecilic actions of Tuitt, who forced a rare fumble, but then turned AWAY from the play to preen and crow. We’ll never know how this game might have played out if Fat Andy hadn take the chippie FG late in the 2Q, which would have enabled him to go for a TD on 4th down & 3 at the PIT 5 at 1:40 4Q. At any rate, I’m not going to fawn and gush about eking out a home win over a mediocre team “led” (sic) by Fat Andy Reid. B-
Synopsis: An okay win over a mediocre opponent that has an inept passing offense. If only every playoff opponent had the same lack of a downfield passing game, this team might be looking at a trip to Phoenix. Alas, very, very few playoff teams will have the inept downfield passing attack that you saw from the Chefs today. Even next week, Candy Dalton, who mostly sucks, could easily play pitch and catch deep down the field with AJ Green. It’d obviously be nice to wrap up the division title next week, rather than pissing it away and becoming a wild card.
(Still Mill and Stillers.com -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close….)
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