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Stillers-Bungals Postgame Analysis and Grades

December 19, 2016 by Still Mill

Stillers 24, Bungals 20…. Dec 18, 2016…………Game # 14


Stillers-Bungals Postgame Analysis and Grades


The 8-5 Stillers went to the Queen City to face the hated 5-7-1 Bungals.   Playing without AJ Green and with scant hope of making the playoffs, the Bungals should have been easy fodder for a playoff aspiring team to whip and dominate.   Instead, Stoogelin and his merry crew came out flat as a pancake, spending the entire 1H sputtering and wheezing in a pathetic display of grabass.   Luckily, the team came to life after halftime, and the Bungals obliged by committing a rash of senseless penalties.   In the end, the Stillers secured an ass-puckering 4-point win. 




Threw a high, shitty pass to Green on a deepish seamer, mid 2Q.   Fortunately, he threw a perfect strike to AB on 3d & 3, good for 32 yards.  He hit AB for a TD strike a few plays later, but Bell was called for a chop block, which nullified the TD.   Shiotty, low pass to a WIDE open Rodgers on a deep cross, 3Q, which gained 28 but should have gained 40 or more.  

Foolishly bobbled an under-center snap, 4Q, which lost a yard.  Nice TD strike to Rogers, but then was entirely too timid on the 2-pointer.   He had ALL Day, and plenty of room to his left to at least scramble, therby getting defenders to leave receivers, or, by golly, running a whopping couple of yards for the score.   Instead, Ben stood stone-footed and threw a worthless pass to a blanketed AB.   (Yes, DeAsstro was flagged for holding on the play, but nonetheless this criticism needs to be made.)   Ben finished 21 of 36 for 286, but was spotty and erratic much of the game, and was so shit-scared to scramble that he never once took off on a scramble, instead standing like a statue in the pocket.   He’ll need to play 4 times better next week.      B- 



Bell – flagged for a costly chop block, which negated an AB TD grab, 2Q.   Dropped a valve dump, 4Q, which was slightly behind but very, very catchable.   Smart play to stay IB on his RAC just before the 2MW, 4Q.    Had 93 tough yards on 23 rushes, plus 5 grabs for 38.    The moronic chop block flag really hampers the grade.    B- 


DeAngelo – although he practiced this week, he did not dress.  Would sure be nice for him to be able to play the final 2 games and give Bell a breather every now and then.  


Toussaint – fortunately played no snaps on offense. 



D. Johnson, Nix – Nix saw a fair amount of PT.   Had some adequate blocks against a rugged front 7.  



Brownie – had 3 grabs, 1H.   Had a 4th, for a TD, but Bell’s silly-assed chop block negated the TD.   Drew a huge PI flag late in the game, setting up 1st & goal at the Cinci 4.    Had 0 grabs in the entire 2H.     B-


Coates – thrown a jump ball in the EZ, 2Q, he made a feeble-assed, lazy attempt to out-joust the smaller Jones.    Very soft, feeble, and sorry.    He was blatantly interfered with on a deep ball, 2Q, but he made such a gutless, half-assed effort that the refs didn’t throw the flag.  Grabbed an out pass, late 2Q, just TWO inches from the sideline, but then, like an ass-clumsy clown, was unable to get OOB, and the clock kept running, forcing the Stillers to BURN a TO at 1:22 2Q.    Failed to get up and high point a deep ball in the EZ, 3Q, in which the DB was able to out-joust  him and deflect the ball.   This man sucks ass.    D+


Rogers – Had a 3rd down grab jarred out by a hard, legal hit, early 2Q.   After grabbing a WR screen, he danced and ran BACKWARDS, losing 3 yards.  This forced Boswell to attempt a 49-yard FG, which fortunately had jussst enough length.   Good grab on a low crosser, 3Q.  Good grab, early 4Q, for 17 yards.  Hauled in a clutch, 24-yard TD, mid 4Q, to finally give the Stillers a lead.     Had 5 grabs for 75, and with all the attention AB is getting, Rogers needs to continue stepping up like this.  A- 


Hamilton – clutch 21-yard grab, late 2Q.     At this point, he should be seeing far more passes than the disinterested Coates.    B+


Heyward-Gay – did not dress.



Jesse James – failed to corral a high, but catchable, pass that clanged off his hands, 3Q.   No grabs.     C- 


Green – jumped all of THREE inches off the ground on a 3rd down pass, 1Q, in which a high but catchable pass glanced off his tips.   Hauled in a deep out on 3d & 17, early 2Q, to move the chains.  Gained just enough on a 3d & 7 grab, 3Q.  Grabbed a deep seamer on a late 3d & long for 28 yards, holding on despite a punishing hit.  He got a concussion on the play, and with the way Green heals -- as fast as a moving glacier – he probably won’t return until midway through……training camp.     Had 5 grabs for 72.    B+  


Grimble – grabbed a short pass, 2Q, but it was negated by – surprise ! – a flag.       


D. Johnson – grabbed a curl, early 2Q. 


OL:  Overall, the OL played ok against a very rugged front 7.    There were some holes on occasion in the ground game, and the pass pro was solid.  The rash of silly-assed penalties was a real killer. 


Villeneueva -  didn’t get tooled in pass pro.   Had some struggles in run blocking.   


Gilbert -  FatAss Marcus was flagged for a silly, needless shove during a pile-up, early 3Q, forcing a 3d & 17.  What a stupid fat-ass.  


Foster –  Fatass Foster was flagged for illegal man downfield, late 2Q.  


Pouncey - Stunningly, he wasn’t flagged.   Held up fairly well.   


DeCastro – pulled and applied a blistering, legal hit to Burfict, which crumpled the big LB and sent him to the sideline for protocol.  Then, committed his WEEKLY false start, on a huge 3d & 7 at the Cinci 17 early in the 3Q.   Got abused, early 4Q, and committed a costly holding flag.  Then, on the 2-point attempt, mid 4Q, FatAss David was called AGAIN for holding.    Gee, it’s a good thing GM Kevin Doltbert rushed out to extend this stiff.  Even better, I suppose, that Dolbert overpaid him.    C-


Hubbard – inserted as an extra blocker, he got stood up and then shoved BACK on a 1Q Bell run that lost 2 yards.  



Hargrave – Got blown off the ball on the Hill 13-yard run, late 1Q.  The fatass then had a GOLDEN chance for an easy sack, 2Q, but feebly missed, allowing Carrothead to scramble to his right and complete a pass for a 1st down.    Had 0 solos and 1A in a very mediocre effort.    Please, let’s hope the Pgh media stops fawning over him as though he’s the next Joe Greene.      C- 


McCullers – chipped in on the 2nd down GL plunge, late 1Q.  But then, on the 4th & goal, got completely stood up and shoved back like the turd that he is.  Then, in the 2Q, on a 3d & 1 from the 5, McSwallers got rocked and did absolutely nothing as Hill rumbled in for a cake-easy TD.  Had 2 solos.   Continues to un-impress.     C-


Matthews – got nicked up, late 2Q.  


Walton - Saw a ton of snaps due to the injuries to Tuitt and Dicardo.    Did little. 


Tuitt – committed a silly, needless mask on a sack made by Gay, 1st series.   Instead of the defense getting the fuk off the field, the Bengals marched….and marched, and marched, on a clock-chewing march that garnered a FG.   To add insult to injury, somehow the faggotty ex-Notre Damer got injured on the play, and walked to the locker room a few minutes later.   He never returned, soft as he is.      What a piss-ass.  



Timmons – delivered a blistering hit near the GL on Hill, late 1Q, to save a TD.   Feebly flailed on a sack attempt of Smalton, 3Q.   Good stick on Hill on a plunge, late 3Q.   Huge INT, late 3Q, although he somehow allowed himself to get clothesline-tackled by an oafish O-lineman.   Had 5 solos and 3 As in a solid effort.     A-


Shaquier –  feebly missed Hill, 1st series, allowing 4 yards.   Dropped an easy, telegraphed pass, 6:00 2Q.   Beat a block and dropped Smalton for a sack, 3Q.   Outstanding play on a WR screen, 12:15 4Q.  On the very next play, he dropped Hill for a 1-yard loss.   Had 3 solos and 2 As in a decent effort.     B+


Moats – fortunately, did not play on D.  


Harrison – Dumped Hill for a 3-yard loss, 3Q, when no one blocked him.   No huge impact, but did have 4 solos and 5 As in an active effort.   Remember the days where Big LaMarr Woodely would play 56 snaps in a game and record all of ONE assist ??       B


Jones –  no PT on D.   


Chickillo – rarely, if ever, saw the field on D.    I felt he should have been used at DE on some plays due to the injury-depleted D-line.   


Vinnie W. – put a lick ono Hill on a vault-plunge attempt near the GL, holding Cinci from scoring a TD. 


Dupree – Good string-0out of Hill, 4Q, for a 4-yard loss.   Had only 2 solos, and nary any pass pressure.     C- 



Mitchell – solid stop for 1 yard, 1st series.   Dropped a CAKE-easy INT that hit him in the chest, although it would’ve been negated by a PI by Burns.   Had 4 solos.   B-


Gay  -  Had only 1 solo, but was adequate in coverage.     B


Cockrell – failed to bust up a deep out, which Lafell grabbed for 25 yards.  Two plays later, he whiffed like an ass-monkey on a WR screen, allowing an extra 6 yards.  Busted up a pass on 3d & long, 4Q.    Allowed LaFell to look like Jerry Rice in the 1H.     C-


Burns – stupidly lost track of Lafell, and then committed a PI flag in the EZ, late 1Q.   Didn’t do much.     C


Davis – slashed in and stopped the RB for a 1-yard loss, 3:30 2Q.   Had 4 solos in an active game.     B-


Justin Gilbert – not permitted to play. 


Sharko Thomas – did not dress. 


Spec teams:  

Jordan Berry – punted only once the entire game, for 40 yards.     Did a good job with the 6 FG holds.    B  


Boswell – Clutch 45-yard FG, 1Q.   Then booted a 49-yard FG that had jussst enough length, 2Q.    Then booted another 49-yard FG just before the 1H ended.  Nailed a 40-yard FG, and then booted yet another 49 yarder, 3Q, to make it a 20-15 game.   In the 4Q, he tacked on a 30-yard FG.  Finished with 6 FGs, and just as important, made a TD saving fingernail-nip of a Cinci KO returner on a 76-yard return, which Cinci ended up settling for a FG.     A+++  


AB – did nothing in the punt return game.   Seems bored, and content to just feebly gain a few token yards.  


Toussaint – fielded a KO at his 3 yard line late 2Q, and then diddled and danced, and was nabbed at the PIT 15, good for – whoah !! – a 12 yard KO return !!    Gee, what a dashing blend of power and speed !!   What a pansie-assed bitch !!   Remember, this is the same faggott who TIP-TOED OOB some 4 weeks ago on a KO return.   A complete faggot, who is the epitome of what Stoogelin espouses.   F 


Shoddy KO coverage after the 1Q FG, allowing the Bungals to start at their 36 yard line.   Then, the Stoogelin shit-eating KO coverage teams allowed a 72-yard KO return after the 2nd Boswell FG, with a fingernail-nip tackle by Boswell saving the TD.   Incredibly stupid enough, the Stillers chose to KO – with a regular KO, not a squibber – with 6 seconds left in the 1H.   Sure as shit, the Cinci KO returner nearly busted it, gaining 24 yards and nearly busting it big.   There was absolutely NOTHING to be gained by a regular KO in this instance.   NOTHING.  Hell, pound for pound, the better play is an onsides KO, which would likely chew up all 6 seconds, or simply booting the ball OOB and having the Bungals start at their own 35.  


The shoddy KO coverage continued in the 3Q, with a 26 yards return to the Cini 30.  Danny Smith should be fired after this fuking debacle.   



After Bell’s chop block penalty in the 2Q forced a 3d & 22 at the Cinci 28, what does Haley call?   Why, a gutless, faggot-fuk WR screen, which LOSES 3 yards !!   My gawd, what do you have to lose on this play...?   Take a stab at the EZ !!   Hell, maybe a defensive holding or PI would give the team a 1st down.  Calling a chickensh!t WR screen on this play was the white flag of surrender.  


Stale, vanilla, predictable offense nearly the entire game.    1st down:  RUN.    2nd down:  90% RUN.    3rd down:  some slop that mostly failed to move the chains.  


I despised the 3d & 1-foot playcall, 9:00 4Q.    I didn’t mind the PAP (play action pass), but the resulting pass was a forced pass down the field into DOUBLE coverage – to Stonehands Coates, of all people -- on a play that had, oh, about a 7% chance of succeeding.  You need only ONE FOOT, and a PAP, quick pass to a WIDE open TE just 4 or 5 yards down the field would have been preferable.   Luckily, Cinci was offsides on the play.   


Then, with a 1st down at the Cinci 18, 8:00 4Q, Gayley calls this cutsey end around, which should have been a 10 yard loss, and as it was, lost 6 yards.   Then, to add salt to the wound, the offense ended up pissing away a TO before the next play.   Just way too much grabass and too much turtling for FGs.     D+ 



Keith Assler had the supreme luxury, what with AJ Green not dressing.    Then Jeremy Hill got nicked up in the 3Q.   I imagine Keith Assler needed at least 6 more starters from the Cinci offense to get injured, before he felt comfortable enough to throttle the Bungals.  


Here’s what Cinci did in the 1st half, as the entire Bengal offense got blisters on their feet from marching up and down the field at will –


 - started on Cinci 25, 14 plays, 70 yards, FG

 - Cinci 36, 8 plays, 64 yards, TD

 - Cinci 18, 10 plays, 82 yards, TD

 - PIT 26, 7 plays, 22 yards, chippie FG


Cinci dominated TOP, with 18 minutes of TOP in the 1H.  Needless to say, Cinci never punted in the 1H.    The shit, slop, piss, and vomit, as Smalton racked up 116 yards passing and the Cinci running game rushed for 68 yards, was utterly nauseating.  


In the 3Q, Cinci began its first drive on their own TEN yard line.   Sure as shit, Assler allows a 4 yard plunge.  Then a 9 yard plunge.  Then a pass for 5 yards.  Then, on 3d & 5, an easy pitch and catch to Eifert for 10.     Mercifully, the drive stalled a few plays later.


With Tuitt and Matthews injured, the D-line was down to just 3 players.   Stupidly enough, Assler, the dimbulb that he is, refused to use the brawny, hard-nosed Chickillo as a DE, in particular on obvious passing downs where he surely would provide more heat than LT Waltlon.   Chick was a DE in college and has the size and toughness to fill in.  Just fuking brainless.     D+ 


HC:  Mike Dumblin managed to eke out a W in a game in which his entire team came out flat and stale.   Unacceptable, this late in the season, with not only the division up for grabs, but also the key 1st round bye that enables the good teams to remain healthy for a 2nd round game.   I wasn’t fond of the 2-point attempt with eons of time left in the 4Q.    It would have given the Stillers a 6-point lead, which matters little.   As it was, they failed, and had only a 4-point lead.   Had Cinci scored a TD, then Stoogelin’s FG oriented offense would have merely tied the game, not won it.   At any rate,  Stoogelin was awfully lucky that the inept Marv Lewis and the Bungals imploded in the 2H.      D+ 


Synopsis:  A flimsy win, but we’ll take it.   Now, for all the marbles of the AFC North, a home game against the hated Poebirds.    Although the Ratbirds are enormously mediocre, you can bet your paycheck this will be a 2 or 3 point game, what with the way Stoogelin always coaches in a chickenshit manner against Harbaugh, and with the way Harbaugh has so often used Stoogelin as his own personal, bent-over bitch.    Because the AFC wild card is so hotly contested, this is essentially a must-win ballgame.  



(Still Mill and -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close….)

Follow Mill on Twitter, at StillMill1



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