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Stillers-Bungals Postgame Analysis and Grades

November 28, 2021 by Still Mill

Bungals 41, Stillers 10,  Nov 28, 2021 ………Game # 11


Stillers-Bungals Postgame Analysis and Grades


The 5-4-1 Stillers went out to the Queen City to face the 6-4 Bungals, who had thrashed the Stillers back in Sep. Due to that thrashing, plus getting whipped by the LAC last week, ya mighta thought the Stillers would come out breathing fire and ready to hunt bear.    Ha !     What a farce.    The team came out as soft as Stoogelin’s pecker, and got mauled right from the first drive of the game, en route to a humiliating 41-10 assbeating that was even worse than that lopsided score. 


I’ll give the same effort this sorry assed team gave today, so this’ll be rather succinct.   




QB:   Ben had a brutal game, going 24 of 41 with 2 INTs, 1 fumble, and a QB rating of 65.    Just ugly.  


Pumper Ben was pumping around like a homo today.   On a key 3d & 1, 2Q, he pumped incessantly, and by the time he threw the ball to a WIDE open Carpool, the ball was off the mark and ultimately juggled and dropped.   On the last play of the 1H, The Pumper pumped – what the fuk did he have to LOSE with the score 31-3?? – and then was rudely sacked.  Then, in the 3Q, Pumper Ben pumped again, giving the rusher extra time to strip the ball for yet another turnover. 


Threw a hideous INT, 1Q, on what may have been a mis-commo with Carpool, with the INT being returned to the PIT 5.    Then, a totten telegraphed pick 6, late 2Q, to seal the loss, making the score 31-3.


Hit FryBoy for a TD, 3:00 4Q, which was nothing more than whipped cream on a shoit sandwich.   All too often during the game., Benji was jittering when pressure wasn’t there.   An awful outing.   D 



Harris  –  Due to the D getting carved like a Thanksgiving turkey, the ground game had to be scrapped by the 2Q.   Had 8 rushes for 23, and 3 grabs for 14.       B


McFarl – played here and there.  Had 1 grab for 11, and 2 rushes for 2.      Inc


Snell –   Had 2 plunges for 5 yards. 


Ballage – dropped a short dumpoff, 3Q, although the tackler was upon him immediately and this would’ve been for no gain.   Had 3 rushes for 21, and 1 grab for 6. 


FB:    Watt played sparingly on O, if at all.      



Wash -  Had a whopping 1 grab for 3 yards.   Was the intended receiver on the pick 6.      Inc


Dionte -  good RAC on 3d & 9, 1Q, in which he gained 11 on a 5 yard pattern.  Had an overall solid game, with 9 grabs for 95.     B 


Claypool –  stellar grab of deep lob, 2nd series, good for 42 yards.  Good high-point of deepish lob, 4Q, good for 30 yards.   Was issued a masking flag, 2 plays later, on a juvenile penalty.   Then dropped a cake-easy pass in his gut on the next play.  Had 3 grabs for 82, but the 2 boners mentioned above didn’t help.      B.  


Anthony Miller – good grab on 3d & 6, 2Q, but it gained only 1 yard. 


GayRay McCloud – sat out due to Covid.  



Ebron – Missed the game due to a knee and being on IR. 


Pat FryBoy – superb RAC on 3d & 6, 2Q, gaining 8 after a 4 yard grab.  Stellar TD grab late in the 4Q.    One of the few players who didn’t quit today.     B+


Gentry – Had 1 grab for 10.    


OL:  Overall, the line had a good amount of struggles.   They didn’t get much push, if any, on the ground game, and allowed some harassment of the QB in the passing game. 


Dotson, of course, missed the game, being on IR.         Overall grade – C-



Heyward – The $65M Man hads a whopping TWO solos, plus a bevy of slop assists, most of which were garnered during garbage team as Cinci was content to run vanilla plunges. 


Got a rare stop, 2nd series, on a 2nd and goal plunge.  Got a sack, 9:30 2Q.   Aside from these 2 plays, The Scammer did jack shit.    D+


Tuitt – another vaunted DE who once again sat out.  What a pilo manure.   What a loser.    F


Wormley – good stop of Mixon, first series, on a 3 yard gain.   Had as many solos as Big Scam Heyward.   Perhaps Worm oughta be feted and fawned over.     


Buggs – missed the game as a healthy scratch, which was puzzling.


Mondeux, Chowdermilk  – didn’t do much.    



Bush – Had ONE solo tackle all game long.   Just ONE.   


Devin Bush strikes early....!    2nd play of game, he was literally TWO INCHES from the ballcarrier, but imitated an alligator and failed to make a simple GRAB of the RB, allowing Mixon to scamper for 25 yards.   Great fuking play by a jackmuled ILB.  Two plays later, he was flagged for an offsides. 


Perhaps Bush’s father, who went on Pittsburgh radio last week lamely defending the shitty play of his son, can go on the radio again and attempt to justify this sorry-assed play of his little boy.    D- 


Schobert – had 8 solos.  Wasn’t great, but at least he tried.     B-


Watt – The Sitter returned to the lineup after sitting out last week, and had (hold your laughter, please) ONE piss-ant solo all game long.   One!      Harassment?   None.    Heat on the QB?   None.     The Sitter did jack dick all game long.   The hardest hit he issued was a shove to the QB on the INT.  It’s rather sad when a vaunted defensive player hits NOBODY all game long, and then gets all tough and rough against the opposing QB.  What a little beeyotch.      F  


Highsmith – nearly picked off a WR screen, 3Q, but juggled and dropped the pill.   Lost contain on multiple occasions, and is getting bamboozled far, far too often.    C


Spillane – inserted for Bush on the first drive, although not permanently.  Got a ton of snaps, yet finished with ONE solo stop.   Injured a knee late in the game.     C


Tuszka – saw some PT, did little.   


Mel Ingram – Isn’t it great that Dumblin ran this fellow off ….?     



Haden – missed 2nd consecutive game due to injury.  


Sutton -   flagged for PI, first series.  Had 3 solos.        B


Norwood – Very quiet.    Didn’t seem to get much PT today.    


Edmunds – allowd Mixon to easily bounce off him, 3rd drive, enabling a 3 yard gain to become 6 yards.  Missed the easy tackle of Chase near the sideline on a WR screen, 10:00 2Q.  Had 6 solos, mostly on slop stops and weak-asses little shoves OOB well after the man had already gotten 1st down yardage.    C


Minkah -  shitty tackle attempt on a Burrows scramble, allowing the early TD.  Got a Dong INT on a poor, overthrown deep lob, late 1H, for his (fukking finally) first INT of the season.    Had 5 solos.     I don’t fawn over Dong INTs.       C


Pierre – had PERFECT coverage on a deep lob in the EZ, early 2Q, but then displayed the ball skills of a 4-year old, failing to react and GO AFTER the ball, and instead flailing with his dick in the dirt while the TD was grabbed by Higgins.  


Had Mixon DEAD TO RIGHTS on a cut back run, late 3Q, but then got juked out of his jock, allowing what would have been a 1 yard gain to gain 32.    This man suckled buttock today, and badly.    D- 


Maulette – far too soft on an early out pass to Boyd, good for 9.  Had a good, persistent blitz on 3d & goal from the 2, forcing a sack and a FG. Chipped in with 3 solos.   


Spec teams:  

Harvin– punted 5 times for a weak 42 yard average.      C  


Boswell – 1 for 1 on FGs; nearly missed it.    B


McFarl – assumed the KO return chores.  Sutton returned punts.  


RayRay – missed the game due to Covid. 



OC:  Matt Canada had a whale of a struggle all game long, unable to muster much of anything.   It was a host of grab-bag bullshit, with nothing done to confuse Cinci or keep them off balance.  


3d & 10, late 3Q, down by 31….and they call a fuking SWING PASS to Harris, 2 yards behind the LOS, which gained little and forced a punt.  


It was a pile of manure for the offense, and Canda deserves a heaping of stuffing and ridicule.    D  



Keith Assler had the luxury of facing Cinci for the 2nd time this season, so you’d think he might have an idea of what Cinci’s offense might do.     But fuk no, not Assler.    He got ass-raped from the very first drive of the game, and only when Cinci pulled 80% of their starters in garbage time did his vaunted defense looking anything above gawd-awful.


Aside from the short FG drive after the Ben INT, here is Cinci’s first 3 drives of the game:


            10 plays, 75 yards, TD

             6 plays, 75 yards, TD

            14 plays, 84 yards, TD


3d & 12, mid 2Q, from the Cinci 25, and Assler goes with a THREE man rush, giving Burrows eons of time to complete a cake-easy 15 yard out pass.   Mind you, the score was 17-3 at this point, and the team DESPARATELY needed a fuking stop here.   Sure as shit, Cinci continued the drive, and marched and marched and marched, culminating in a crushing TD to make the score 24-3 with the PAT. 


At the half, Mixon already had 20 rushes for 117 yards.  Meanwhile, Burrow 14 of 16 for 154, playing PITCH n’ CATCH to wide open receivers the entire half.  


Over the past 6 quarters, Buttler’s vaunted D has allowed 72 points, counting the 1H today.     


Stop the presses.....!    Keith Buttler finally forced a Cinci PUNT, halfway thru the 3Q !   A Christmas miracle !


3d & 17, 3Q, and Assler goes SOFT, allowing a cake-easy curl completion that was marked for 16 yards due to a dubious spot, as the ball appeared to be grabbed for 17.  It mattered little, as Cinci easily converted the 4th and 1 plunge.    The key here is, ONCE AGAIN, Assler being in massively favorable down and distance (3rd down and a fuking MILE), yet once again he can’t get the fuk off the field.  A few plays after this fuking disaster, Cinci booted a FG to boost the lead to 34-3. 


Late in the 3Q, Cinci took over on its own 35, and as usual, marched and marched……and scored a TD early in the 4Q, making the rout 41-3. 


3d & 9, mid 4Q, with Cinci playing ALL of their benchwarmers and simply trying to chew clock…..the Bungals call a harmless delayed running play, which easily gained 14 to move the chains.    Just another example of how Keith Fuking Assler cannot get the fok off the field on 3rd down and a mile. 


Remember how that Charger offense looked last week, so fluid, dominant, and stupendous in rolling over Asslin's softee defense?    Today, they scored all of 13 points, and LOST to Denv.   EVERY offense looks like the ’84 Dolphins when facing Keith Assler.    F-


HC:  Mike Asslin oversaw one of the most embarrassing Stiller defeats in the 21st century.    The team clearly was not prepared for the Bungal attack, and then doubled down with an effort as meek and soff as you’d see from a group of little old ladies at a knitting club.   


Trialing 17-3, 2Q, with a defense that hasn’t stopped anyone in weeks, his struggling offense makes it to mid field somehow and faces a 4th and 4….and Asslin throws in the towel and punts.    Sure as shit, Cinci takes over on its own 19, and marches, easy as pie, for a lonnnggggg TD drive to make the score 24-3.  


Down 21, 4th and 1 and you punt again!?!?!?!?!   Mike Stoogelin at his finest....!   


Remember all the caterwauling and excuse-making after last week’s assbeating, about, “(sob) If only Watt and Fitzpatrick (waaah) were in the lineup.”  Well, they both played today, and the team had its neck ripped off and the Bungal’s urinated and crapped down their throats.    Let there be no doubt, this was a severe, thorough ass-beating.   And it all starts at the top, with a flailing, incoompetent dim-bulb who can’t scheme, can’t strategize, and can’t make in-game adjustments to save his life.   And this ain’t a 2 or 3 week aberration….this team has completely sucked ass since the season opening stunner up in Buffalo.       Anyone seen Coach Michael Asslin lately......other than having sand kicked in his face during a humiliating 41-10 assbeating at the hands of a division rival…?    His team quit today, and he should be ashamed to be the approver of this grabass.       F-  


Synopsis:  A complete fuking fiasco.   There’s no sense sugarcoating it as anything else.    They didn’t compete, and there wasn’t much try or effort.   The defense is a rancid stink-fest, and the offense is far too sporadic and undependable.   A loss to Balt next week will pound the nail into the coffin of this season.    



Follow Mill on Twitter, at StillMill1


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