Loose Slag from The
Still Mill (Jan. 31st, '02)
Some loose slag to gnaw on
during the last week of pro football for the '01-'02 season�..
- That Josh Miller, he's
worth every penny of his lavished multimillion-dollar contract.� Josh is told to kick the ball near the
sidelines, which he did.� Then Troy's
penalty caused a re-punt, and Josh balked and cried to the refs about the spot
of the ball, which had been moved from the left hash to the right hash.� Memo for Josh:� the distance from hash to hash is approximately 5-1/2 yards.�� Your kick not only had no hang time
whatsoever, but it was right down the dead-center of the field, which is
about 52 yards wide.�� So, even if the
ball had been placed on the left hash, your punt lands 5-1/2 yards to the left
of the middle of the field, which still gives Troy Brown about 21 yards to
maneuver on the "short side" of the field.��� So stop your whining Josh, and while you're at it, stop your ridicule
of the special teams.�� Hey, maybe
Colbert can give Josh a new contract in the off-season.� And before anyone cries that "Josh
kicked it good once, and if it weren't for Troy, he wouldn't have had to punt
again", let's get something straight.�
In big league sports, there's always going to be some simpleton mistake,
like a catcher dropping a pop fly in foul territory with two outs, or a winger
missing an open net off a perfect feed, where a player has to suck it up and
get it right the next opportunity.�� A pitcher
who watches his catcher drop a pop-out with 2 outs cannot pout -- his job is to
get the ball and throw another good pitch to get out of the inning.�� So it was for Josh Miller -- The God of
Punters in Pittsburgh circles -- who got off a barf-bag of a punt on his
re-punt.�� It sickens me how a non-contact
specialty player like Josh sits there pointing fingers after the game about
special teams problems, yet his manure-laden punt directly led to the Brown
TD.��
- All those who still think
Bill Cowher is a smart guy�please step forward�.
- Thoughts on our expansion
exposure list�
�
Duffy.� No surprise, as I had him on my list on my
article on Monday.
�
Worthless
Will Jackwell.� Has there ever been a
player who has so successfully stolen a paycheck from a team for 5
(FIVE) consecutive years�?� 67 catches
and 2 TD receptions in 5 NFL seasons.���
It's utterly amazing how Rooney -- an old fashioned guy who has
old-fashioned values about earning one's paycheck -- allowed this sack
o' shit to sponge off his payroll for the last 3 seasons.��
�
Edwards.� I mentioned Eddie in my exposure article as
a high possibility.�� I actually hope
the Texans somehow bypass him (which is unlikely), and that we can retain
him.�� Yeah, Edwards screwed up royally
vs. the Pats, but he was one of our best coverage men, and with the regression
(or should I say, total disappearance) of Hank Poteat, Eddie gave us a spark in
our otherwise sorry return game.� Not
only that, but ever since Edwards started touching the ball in the return game,
his number of drops the past 10 games totaled no more than 2.���
�
Jon
Witman.� Praise the Lord!!�� Let's hope that Witman hangs it up.� This team deserves to have its best guy play
FB, and clearly that guy is not Jon Witman.��
But as long as the Cowher-loving Witman hangs around, we're stuck with
the sack o' dung getting PT over a better player.
�
Mike
Schneck.� To me, this was the most
puzzling move of our 5 players on the list.��
I'm not overly wild about tying up a roster spot for a guy who snaps and
does nothing else.� However, if there
was a lone bright spot anywhere on our spec teams during their dismal display
this season, it was from Schneck, who was consistent and reliable with his
snaps.�� Schneck probably deserves to be
the spec teams player of the year for the '01 Stillers.
The gravest problem with
our 5 players was the omission of TE Mark Bruener on that list.�� Bruener, the 19-catch per year wonder boy,
will consume $5.385M of cap money in '02.�
Yep, you read that right -- nearly $5.4M of cap hit for the slowest,
most concrete-handed TE in the NFL.��
Had Capers been foolish enough to take Bruener off our hands, it would
been a sal cap coup of fabulous proportions.�
- If there's anyone out
there gullible enough to still be clinging to the belief that, yes, Jerome
Bettis really does weigh only 255 pounds, I've got a buddy who is
willing to part with both his Enron and Kmart stock shares, for the great price
of only 20 bucks a share.��� If
interested, please let me know, and I'll connect you with this guy.��
- Speaking of the bloated
bellyback, I really feel that The Bus should be the stand-up guy he
claims he is...and come out in the press and say, "I let the team
down. I laid around like a fat shit and did nothing for 7 weeks, I went
on Letterman, and I got slow. I did not take my job seriously, and I let
the city down.�� Once I knew I was in no
condition to excel on the gridiron, I should have stopped the moronic pleading
with my coach to start me against the Patriots."�� Problem is, Bettis has too many food and chip products to peddle
at Giant Eagle, so it'll never happen.
-
Funny guy, that Bill Cowher.�� Here's a
guy whose only niche as a player was special teams, and his first NFL job was
as a spec teams coach.�� Because of his
background, it is therefore acceptable that Cowher has no clue about offensive
football, and only limited knowledge on defensive football.� But special teams�?�� If there's one thing Cowhead should know,
you'd think it would be special teams�.yet Cowher's special teams have
perennially been amongst the worst in the league.���
- I was reviewing the DirecTV
on-line TV guide, and at the same time the NFL Pro Bowl is being shown, another
network is holding a Scooby Doo marathon.���
Should be a fun afternoon of watching Shaggy, Velma, Daphne, and the
gang��
- Speaking of DirecTV, have
you seen their one commercial, where they train their installers about CPR, the
Heimlich maneuver, and so on, in preparation for when the presumably satisfied
customer passes out in sheer surprise�?��
I like this forward-thinking, sound-preparation approach.�� Here's a suggestion -- the next time the
Stillers make it to the AFC title game, instead of wasting time on special
teams preparations, or travel arrangements, or actually putting together a real
game plan�.let's have all the players and assistants get trained on CPR and the
Heimlich maneuver.� This will help
immensely when Billy Cowher once again chokes under the pressure of playoff
football.
- If you were an attorney
and you had to defend someone, with whom would you have a better chance of
winning his case�John Walker or Bill Cowher?���
Walker, as you know, is charged with treason and so forth, although
getting factual evidence to successfully prosecute him will be a
challenge.�� On the other hand, the
stack of evidence against the incompetence and dereliction of duty by one
William Laird Cowher is about 14 inches thick.�� Cowher sabotaged his team by not producing a game plan for
either side of the ball; wasting two days for "travel arrangements";
doing nothing to prepare his team for the Patriots' inevitable tactics; and once
again promulgating an atmosphere of imbecilic cockiness and
overconfidence.���
- Spec teams coach Gay
Hayes finally got fired.�� I went back
and looked�3 days after the Ravens loss, on Nov. 7th, I wrote in a loose slag
article: "Speaking of special teams blunders, which seem to be
happening each and every week, I am wondering WHEN is soon enough to fire Jay
Hayes, and hire a genuine special teams coach??? How many field goals need
blocked, how many punts need blocked, how many long kickoff returns must be
given up????"
- There was
a coach -- can't remember his name -- who won four Super Bowls, and coached the
special teams HIMSELF, he thought so much of them....
- In reviewing some old slag articles, this gem was written on
Oct. 11th:� "Nice gains by Amos
Zereoue on toss sweeps.� He gained 17
yards on one in the 3rd quarter, and gained 25 on another in the 4th quarter
that was called back on a holding call on Shaw, which really had nothing to do
with the actual gain.�� Fortunately,
Jerome Bettis, who�d averaged 1 yard on 6 toss sweeps in our 2 previous games,
ran none versus the Bungals."��� I
thought the smartest part of the game plan versus New England was running The
Tubby Tailback wide on toss sweeps...
- Anybody
out there still thinking that Cowher is a pretty smart guy�.?�
- Every team has its
nuances, but for the Stillers this offseason, their RFAs are perhaps more
important to deal with than their UFAs.��
Aaron Smith, Joey Porter, and Amos Z. are all RFAs who must be
re-signed.�� Furthermore, Tuman and
Cushing are both RFAs, and if the team shrewdly decides to save sal-cap $ by
letting Bruener go, then at least one of those TEs must be retained.�� Of the UFAs, only Earl Holmes is an immense
priority.� Townsend is 2nd in line for
the UFAs, but his strong coverage skills will probably cause another team to
offer him starting CB money, which the Stillers probably won't match.
- Mister "Hawaii Three
O.", Bill Cowher, will once again make the trip to Hawaii to coach the AFC
in the dullest all-star game among the four major sports.�� The fans in Hawaii apparently refer to Bill
as "Three O." because he's choked away three home AFC title games and
ended up coaching in the Pro Bowl in Hawaii as a result.�� Cowher is said to be elated at going to
sunny Hawaii, but he's severely disappointed that he won't have his favorite
play toy -- The Bus.�
- Cowher has vowed to get
back to the AFC title game.� Because of
so few UFAs and a good cap position, this is certainly attainable.��� But remember -- last year, the Stillers
drafted #16; this year, they'll draft #30.��
In NFL, you pay the price for success with a lessened draft
position.��� On top of that, the odds of
going through an entire regular season -- as they did in 2001 -- without losing
a key, irreplaceable starter, is probably about 875,000 to 1.� Bruener and Bettis were the only starters
afflicted with major injury, and Bruener was replaced as easy as pie.� On some teams, Bettis' injury could have
been devastating, but RB happens to be the deepest position on the Stiller
roster, so The Doughboy was only marginally missed.�� It's inconceivable that we'll go through another season without
losing someone like a Stewart, a Gandy, a Plex, or an Aaron Smith to injury.��� It's a physical sport and injuries are
inevitable, and only by the grace of God did the Stillers survive '01 with such
a tiny number of injuries.��
- I'll be working on my
player and coaches grades, as well as my annual off-season analysis�so stay
tuned.���