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Q & A with The Still Mill

September 21, 2000 by Still Mill


Q & A With The Still Mill (Sep 21st)

I've received a plethora of email traffic, many of which deluged me with questions. While I try to answer each and every email, it's a challenging task, so I thought I'd pull together many of the good questions and answer them right here.

Q: What was your favorite playcall of the game?

A: This is a toughie. I'd have to say the play directly after Poteat's thrilling 27-yard punt return. We had the ball on the Clev. 33 yard line, with a chance to take the game by the throat in the 3rd quarter. That 1st down, 2-yard line plunge by Jon Witman was simply awesome. I really, really liked how we not only duped the Cleveland defense, but how we really built upon the energy created by Poteat. The 2nd most favorite was the draw play to Fu on 1st and goal. After running it the previous play, it really seemed to stun the bewildered Cleveland defense.


Q: If you were QB Kent Graham, and the coordinator ordered the Fu draw, followed by the spike, what would you have done?

A: Give the coaching staff the same hand-gesture that Gardocki used.


Q: Is there an area the Stillers should start looking at for the 2001 draft?

A: Sure. They really could use another decoy on offense. It's not fair to have Burress do all the decoy work by himself. It'd be a lot better to have TWO #1 draft pick-skill players serving as decoys.

Q: What do you think Kevin Gilbride did to prepare during the bye week, for the Browns?

A: Sources tell us that he spent the week in San Fran, marching in the annual Gay Pride Parade.


Q: Who does Gilbride gameplan each week to be the focal point to catch passes?

A: Primarily Cory Geason and Jon Witman. Coach Martz in St. Louis likes speed and impact playmaking; Coach Gilbride prefers sloth and inertia.


Q: Coach Cowher mentioned several times in his press conference, about "keeping focus of the big picture". What do you think he meant?

A: Cowher has stacks of big pictures -- not just one -- of all the local media members, doing things in bizarre, compromising positions. This is why most of the Pittsburgh media still refuse to lay blame squarely on that square chin of Billy Cowher.


Q: What was Graham doing, as far as initially lining up for a left-footed kicker on the last second FG try?

A: He thought he was still holding for Joe Nedney in Arizona.


Q: Does Cowher have a good shot, if he gets fired, at the head coach job for the new Houston franchise?

A: Oh, sure. Given Cowher's tremendous track record at developing & grooming young talent, combined with his brilliant game-day tactical decision making -- I'm sure Houston is already frothing over the chance to hire Cowher for their expansion club.


Q: What other trick plays might Gilbride call in the coming weeks?

A: Either an end-around with Breuner carrying the ball, or a flea-flicker, with Fu tossing the deep ball to a streaking tackle-eligible Shar Pourdanesh. And I do mean streaking, as the often-crazy Pourdanesh will enter the game wearing only a painted-on jersey number, and nothing else.


Q: Doesn�t losing really fire up Coach Cowher? I thought he hated to lose.

A: Yes, he used to. Then he found out that extorting money in a long-term contract was more rewarding.


Q: What's the worst long-term contract given in Pittsburgh in the past couple of years?

A: This is a toughie. It's between 4 men -- Stewart, Cowher, Kevin Young, and Pat Meares. I'll call it a tie between Cowher and KY. (Please, you sickos -- despite the obvious connotation between Cowher and the KY Jelly product, that's not what determined this answer...)


Q: Didn't Cowher threaten to jump ship after '97 and go coach Cleveland? Does Cleveland still want him as their coach?

A: Puh-leez. Cleveland would sooner paint the city black and gold, and wear Jack Lambert jerseys every day, than take Billy Cowher to be their head coach. They might, however, have a need for someone to plunge the commodes in their new stadium on game-day, as the large crowds have created frequent stoppages in their drain pipes. Few people in the country love playing with plunges and excrement, as much as Billy Cowher.


Q: My memory tells me that Cowher has made numerous coaching blunders in his tenure. Can you list them?

A: No. We only have so much space on the computer server that our web site resides on. Unless yunz guys want to make this a paid site, we simply cannot afford the server space to make such a lengthy compilation.


Q: Didn't Tim Lewis promise a more aggressive defense this year?

A: Yes. This is an election year. Every politician is promising less taxes, better schools, and better benefits. Give yourself a kick in the tail for falling for Lewis' hogwash. Lewis' idea of a jailhouse blitz, is sending in Jeremy Staat to supplement the full-bore pass rush of Sullie, Henry, and A. Smith.


Q: This week's opponent has a starting CB who is recovering from a torn ACL operated on 2 weeks ago, as well as battling a severe case of milaria and mononucleosis. He apparently also was hit by the team bus and has a broken collarbone. What are the plans for the Stillers to attack him?

A: Nothing. Coach Gaypride has no interest whatsoever in attacking weaknesses. He thinks its unethical and unfair.


Q: What's with Jason Gildon this year, how come he's getting no pressure on the QB?

A: I hate answering a question with a question�but when did he EVER get pressure?? I said I'd answer only the good questions, so your question will appropriately go unanswered.


Q: When will Amos Z. ever get activated? And what will he do when he is?

A: Never. Serve as a decoy for Jon Witman.


Q: Coach Paterno of PSU said he had problems getting game tapes from Pitt�.do the Stillers have similar problems in getting game tapes of their upcoming foes?

A: Despite all of their problems, this is one area where the Stillers have no problems. The Stillers have no interest and no need in watching any game tapes of other teams, so they tell every NFL team up-front in August, to not even bother sending game tapes.


Q: What will the Rooneys do with all the money they'll soon be raking in from the new stadium?

A: The same they have done with the money from 26 years of continuous season-ticket sellouts --- horde it all in their expanded cash vault.


Q: Why didn't Cowher call a fade pass at the end ?

A: Courtney Hawkins was Cowher's first option to run the fade, but he wasn't dressed. Cowher's second option was 5'-7" Amos Zeroue, but he, too, wasn't dressed.


Q: If the Stillers mount another 4th quarter drive this week against Tennesee, what do you recommend they run when they get a 1st and goal?

A: Either have Stewart come in to flub a hand-off to Bettis, or run Fu on a plunge. Either 1 of these plays should catch that Titan defense off guard.


The Still Mill

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