Chiefs 23, Stillers 13 ……. Oct 25, 2015…………Game # 7
Stillers-Chefs Postgame Analysis and Grades
“A Typical Dumblin Egg Lay…”
The Stillers went to Arrowhead to face the hapless, reeling, 1-5 Chefs, losers of their past 5 games. This game had all the look and feel of a Mike Dumblin egg-lay -- weak-assed opponent on a FIVE game losing streak; on the road; Chefs missing Charles and Maclin; Stillers poised to keep pace in their division. Sure as shit, Dumblin’s merry crew lays a complete egg, mostly by the defense, in a softie, wretched effort.
Grades:
QB:
Laundry Jones – got the start at QB. Nice slant to Bryant, first play of game. He followed that with a deep pass that landed about 4 feet OOB, and things went downhill for there. Shitty, horrendous high pass to Wheaton on 3d & 3, early 3Q. Very poor. Underthrew Bryant with a lollipop lob that should’ve been INT’d at the GL, 3Q. A short while later, he nearly over threw a wide open Bryant in the EZ, which Bryant snared on a fingertip grab n’ bobble for a TD. The INT that Brown bobbled wasn’t much of Jones’ fault. A shit performance by a shit QB. C-
RB:
Bell - Stutter Bell had a pretty solid day, rushing for 121 on only 17 carries. Big 21 yard run, 2Q. Sterling 42 yard run, early 4Q. Grabbed 4 passes for 16. Underutilized in this game, which makes no sense whatsoever. A.
DeAngelo – good power run, 1Q, on a key 3d & 1, which gained 6. A short while later, converted a 4th & 1 plunge. But then dropped a cake-easy, perfectly thrown out pass on 3d & 3 around the KC 7 yard line to force a short FG. He also failed to convert a 4th & 1 in the 1H, in which he showed no vision on the play. Had 4 carries and 1 grab. The dropped pass still enrages me. C+
Archer: Pee Pee Archer did nothing at RB. Thankfully he never touched the ball.
FB:
Will Johnson, Nix. Got some PT here and there.
WR:
Brownie – Superb pluck, 3d & 5, 1Q, for about 21 yards, at a point in which the Stillers looked poised to punt again. Amazing catch near the s-line, early 3Q. Bobbled a slightly deflected slant pass, 3Q, and the ball ended up in the hands of a KC DB for a costly INT. Had 6 grabs for 124, but that bobbled catch the turned into an INT was poor. B
Pinkie Wheaton – 2 catches, 16 yards. I sour on this sorry sad-sack as each game goes by. C-
Archer: Did nothing, as usual. Wasn’t this little pissfuk supposed to be a dual catching and running threat ??
Bryant - nearly bobbled away a TD grab late in the 3Q. His lack of footwork near the sideline chalk disturbs me. Had 3 grabs for 45. B-
Heyward-Gay – some PT but had no grabs.
TE:
Miller – after getting 1 catch last wek, he was targeted only twice today and finished with 0 grabs. Such is the imbecility of Todd Haley. His blocking on the 4th & 1 plunge was poor.
Spaeth – no comment. Why waste time commenting about a complete pile o’ shit ?
OL:
Villanueva - first NFL start, at LT, in place of Beacham. Had an ok game…up until a late sack n’ strip allowed to Hali. On this play, Villa lunged, with his feet locked still…..a death trap for an OT. Hali ended up stripping Jones for a huge turnover. B-
Gilbert - FatAss Marcus was flagged for a false start on 3d & 8, 1st series. Not satisfied with this pud pull, he lazily fails to attack and CHOP (or at the very least, ENGAGE) the DE, who then easily batted the designed WR screen to that side Is there a softer, lazier starting OT in all of the NFL? C
Foster – An ok game, but no push on that 4th & 1.
DeCastro – surprisingly didn’t commit any major gaffes.
DL:
Cam Thomas – started, regrettably, in place of Tuitt. Waddled his fat ass to and fro. Rare, solid solo stop of a gut plunge, 3Q. Helped out on a wide run, 10:00 4Q. Was stunned. Actually looked ok at times, but the Chefs also gashed the line for some decent yardage on occasion.
McLendon - another ho-hum, no impact game. Yes, I realize he’s a NT in this scheme, but would it be too much for this guy to do something -- anything -- ever…..???
Heyward – solid effort and performance. B
Tuitt – did not dress, due to a knee. Was def missed.
LB:
Timmons – dove in at the QB on a blitz, late 1H, for force a key sack. This ended up forcing a 54-yard FG, which luckily was just wide right near the end of the half. Forced the sack that Shaqier got on the final play of the 3Q. Decent game with 7 solos and 3 A’s. B-
Shaquier – finally returned to action after being out for weeks with a sore vagina. Got a clean-up sack, last play of 3Q. Didn’t do much, and was sitting far too much, which forced worthless pissfuks like Vinnie and Spence onto the field. 3 solos in a very quiet effort. C-
Spence – Poor read on the play, and then had a weak-assed PAW n’ FLAIL, allowing an extra 25-some yards on the West 36-yard run in the 4Q, which set up the nail in the coffin TD. Fuk this soft-assed pansie. He sucks ass, plain and simple. This was as poor a play as you’ll see in the NFL. This worthless pissfuk didn’t even make it onto the stat sheet. F
Moats – started at LOLB. Had a good run stuff, 1Q, but did little thereafter.
Harrison – sadly, very meager impact. 1 solo all day long, and zero impact. Have no idea what he was doing on the field, in coverage, on the late KC TD. C-
Jones – totally flat-footed on a jet sweep, first series. Late 2Q, had an EASY as pie clean-up shot on Wilson after a short out grab, but instead flailed meekly on a BLIND SIDE hit, allowing Wilson to gain 40 yards when it should have been a 2 yard gain followed by an injury timeout for Wilson, who should have been concussed or had a limb damaged. A shit play by a shit player. Got a ton of snaps and finished with (hold your laughter) 1 solo. He sux ass. My new nickname for this stiff: JarStiff Jones. D-
Dupree – fought thru a TE’s block and blew up a KC run on the final play of the 1Q, for a 4-yard loss. Batted a pass, late 2Q. Then rarely ever saw the field thereafter, because, as you saw, the entire fleet of other OLBs were just so dominant during the game.
DB
Will Allen – did not dress, due to injury.
Mitchell – good, punishing hit on West after a 4-yard run, 2Q. Good hit and wrap of Thomas after WR screen, 4Q. Unfortunately, he did absolutely NOTHING to help out on PASS defense. Time and time and time again, there was Pissfuk Alex Smith, throwing downfield, and Mike Bitchell -- the anti-pigskin -- was nowhere to be found. C+
Gay - an ok game. Wasn’t abused. Left with a shoulder and did not return.
Blake – Got tooled and abused quite a bit, and then mercifully left the game in the 2Q for concussion protocol. Regrettably, he came back after halftime, much to my disgust. Beaten deep by Conley, 3Q, but the ball was just overthrown. An extreme weak link, in which the entire free world can see this, except for Dumbass Tomlin and Buttler. D-
Golden – started in place of Will Allen. Did little in pass coverage. C
Sharko Thomas – not permitted to play, at all, on defense. He might get a few snaps in 2017.
C. Allen - Quuertez was mercifully placed on IR 2 days ago.
Cockrell – Came in when Blake was injured. Saw lots of nickel snaps as well. Did nothing. C
Boykin – Alas, Boykin was finally allowed to play on defense….! He made a rare Stiller stop on 3rd down, stopping the WR well short of the sticks. He was the first DB today to actually be within 27 feet of a receiver when the ball arrived.
Spec teams:
Jordan Berry – punted ok.
Boswell – booted 2 FGs. Perfect thus far as a Stiller. Good KOs. A
Archer – Pee Pee had a couple returns. Took a KO 6 yards deep, 1Q, and returned it adequately to the 33. Had an ok return in the 2H. Still, don’t be fooled…..he ain’t nowhere close to busting one.
AB – did nothing on punt returns.
OC:
The Grab Bag offense was prevalent today, with Haley just blandly grabbing whatever shit he grabbed out of his velvet bag. You have a greenhorn QB, so it would make sense that Bell and Miller would be trusty, heavy targets. Instead, Miller had ZERO catches from only 2 targets. Until garbage time, Bell had only a couple grabs and finished with only 4. Bell had a fine day running the ball, but had only 17 carries. What in the sam hell ??
And, since when is Deangelo Williams THE one and only designated short-yardage back ???? Where in the flaming hell did this come from?? 3 times in the 1H, Bell was removed in favor of DW. On short yardage plays. Yes, I think Williams warrants more than 1 token touch per game. But I never advocated this fellow to be THE short yardage back. Which suddenly, out of the blue, has occurred. Where in the flaming hell did this come from ????
Wasted TO, early 3Q. Nice, Todd. I also liked that designed, downfield wheel route in the 1st half to……Wilbur Johnson, he of 5.3 speed. Really??
Yes, Haley was working with a manure-pile in Laundry Jones, but this was a bag of vomit. C+
DC:
Keith Assler had the luxury of facing a mediocre Chefs offense that was missing all-world RB Jamaal Charles as well as stellar starting WR Jeremy Maclin, plus a KC patchwork O-line. All Butt-ler managed to do was make this Chef offense look like Joe Montana firing passes to Taylor, Rice, and Frank, in a shit-spewing performance from beginning to end.
Clever on opening drive -- 3d & 5, and Assler has Cam Heyward hopelessly dropped in coverage on a RB, who gains an easy 12. He actually tried this foolhardy bullshit with McCullers covering a RB in the EZ, but luckily JarStiff Jones got a fingertip deflection on the ball.
In the 1H, the Chefs had the ball 3 times (prior to a late INT of Jones), and casually marched down for 3 chippie FGs. The KC punter spent the entire first half napping. Were it not for FG Andy Reid, this game could have easily been 17-3 at the half.
Perhaps the most glaring problem today was Assler and his complete inability to get the fuk off the field on 3d down. It happened the ENTIRE game, with KC going 9 of 16, with the QB calmly standing around completely unfettered in the pocket, with enough time to eat a sandwich and sip a mint julep. (This stat includes a 3d & 16 early in the 4Q, which was miraculously stopped buy Assler’s softie defense.) Some examples - -
3d & 10, 3Q - easy pitch and catch to a WIDE open Wilson on a flag route, good for 17 yards. KC scored a TD 6 plays later. A fuking STOP here forces a punt.
3d & 4, 4Q – WIDE open Kelsey down the seam, good for 26 yards. 5 plays later, KC scores a TD to pound the nail into the coffin.
The pass rush was mostly feeble and soft, the entire game, against a patchwork OL of KC that had been giving up sacks by the bushel. I suppose all that recent gushing and fawning over Assler can now be flushed where it belongs, down the commode. F
HC: Mike Dumblin had the luxury of facing an inept, downtrodden opponent, much as he did a few weeks ago when he faced the reeling Ravens. Sure as shit, Dumblin’s merry crew comes out soft and meek, and then plays grabass football for about 57 of the 60 minutes. Yet another colossal egg lay by The Great Egg Layer, Michael Tom-lay. Happens like clockwork, 4-5 times per season. F
Synopsis: Ya knew the offense would struggle with Jones at QB, but, facing a weak-assed KC offense, there was thinking that the defense could carry the day. Instead, they meekly and lamely fell flat on their asses. A sorry as shit egg lay. Now, a must-win home game vs. division leader Cinci, who will be coming off a bye week.
(Still Mill and Stillers.com -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close….)
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