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Stillers-Iggles Postgame Analysis and Grades

September 25, 2016 by Still Mill

Iggles 34, Stillers 3……. Sep 25, 2016…………Game # 3


Stillers-Iggles Postgame Analysis and Grades


The 2-0 Stillers went to Philly to face the 2-0 Iggles.    The Stillers ended up getting their asses whipped in humiliating fashion, with Philly winning a laugher, 34-3.   I won’t put much effort into this report, which is commensurate with the complete lack of effort this team gave tonite. 




Held the ball forever on 3d & 7, 2Q, and was sacked, although he was only jersey-grabbed and the refs blew a quick whistle.    Had James WIDE open for at least a 40 yard gain, 3Q, but foolishly overthrew him with a toss that was like 7 feet over his head.   Shit pass to a smothered AB on the 4th & 5, 3Q.   It was nearly INTd and taken back for a pick 6, but the DB juggled and dropped the pig.   Ben was spotty, shoddy, and off target most of the game.  Rather sad that he was grossly outplayed and out-poised by a greenhorn making his third ever NFL start.    D- 



DeAngelo – had a couple decent plays, but once Philly ran up the scoreboard in the 3Q, the ground game was marginalized.    Just watch next week, how Stoogelin will staple his ass to the bench.   He’ll be lucky to get 4 touches next week.   Inc


Toussaint - no touches.   


Richardson - had 1 carry for 1 yard.  


FB:    No involvement.  



Brownie – had 12 grabs for 140.    Most were of the little piddly variety, with the longest being only 20 yards.     B+


Pinkie Wheaton – Mister Sofftee finally manned up and dressed.   Of course, it’s a shame that he did.   PAM (PissAss Markus) dropped a cake-easy TD pass in the EZ, 1Q, that hit him in the gut.   Then, on the next series, PAM allowed another pass to CLANG off his shoulder pads.  In the 3Q, he allowed a THIRD pass to CLANG off his hands for yet another drop.   He sucks ass, and cock.     F-   


Coates -  turned on the jets and hauled in a deep lob, 2Q, for 41 yards.     Had 3 grabs for 50, but didn’t do enough.   


Rogers - hauled in a 32-yard pass, 1st series.   Clumsily tripped/slipped on a 3d & 10, 3Q, causing an inc.   He apparently injured a toe on this play and did not return.   


Heyward-Gay – no grabs.  Got out-jousted on a deep ball in the EZ and allowed the DB to INT the pill.  



Jesse James - Had only 2 grabs for 10, although he was targeted a couple more times but Ben was off target.     B- 


OL:  Overall, the line got savagely mauled by the Eagles front 7.   A completely dogshit effort. 


Villeneueva -  flagged for a hold, negating an 8 yard run by DW in the 2Q.   Flagged for a false start, 3Q.    C-


Gilbert -  FatAss Marcus was flagged for a hold, 1Q, although it was declined.   Got abused just after the AB challenged catch, 3Q, forcing an inc.    Had loads of problems with the speed rush.   Very poor.    D 


Foster –  Wasn’t tooled all that badly, although he was far from stellar.   Got injured in the 1H and did not return.    Inc


Pouncey - shit whiff on a screen pass block, 1Q.    Good block on the ILB on DW’s 14 yard run, 3Q.   C+


DeAsstro –   Flagged for a hold on the 4th & 5, 3Q.   He got shoved around on the CONSECUTIVE sacks like a toddler, 3Q, the second of which forced a fumble that Philly recovered.   Flagged for a hold on the deep ball to DHB that was INT’d.   Lest I forget to mention, that was also Big David who got mauled on the early FG that was blocked.  Had he manned up and stood his ground, its likely the kick isn’t blocked.   Gee, it’s a good thing GM Kevin Doltbert rushed out to extend this stiff.  Even better, I suppose, that Dolbert overpaid him.    D-


DL:    The DL got gashed and humiliated late in the drive midway thru the 3Q, with Phil ripping off runs of 14 & 12 yards, and after a Heyward stop, a walk-in TD on a routine gut plunge.    A really feeble-fuk, soft effort by this crew.  


Hargrave - all the raving and fawning over this guy, as though he’s the next version of Vince Wilfork, and this fat-ass played like a complete dud.   Did nothing at all to control the middle of the LOS.     D- 


McCullers - did nothing, as usual. 


Heyward – stellar play to stop the RB on a GL plunge, 3Q.   Clumnsily over-ran the play, which Barner ran in from 8 yards for a walk-in TD.    One of the very few who gave some effort.    B- 


Tuitt – nailed Matthews for a 1 yard loss, 1Q.   Whiffed miserably on Wentz, which then allowed the QB to scoot right and hit Sproles for a dagger-like 73 yard TD on 3d & 8, early 3Q.   Flagged for a cheezy personal foul late hit on the QB…a completely bullshit flag.    C+


Matthews -  Dicardo did nothing.



Timmons – flagged for a ticky-tack personal foul, 1Q, after an Eagle caught a short pass and was squirming forward.   He soon went to the locker room with a shin injury, and was taken to the hospital. 


Shaquier –  Yancey Shazier got nicked up (surprise!!) in the very first series.   He came back the 2nd series, then floated in and out of the game.   Got lost in no man’s land on the Sproles 73-yard TD catch & run.   Just a reprehensibly poor play from a guy with ZERO football sense or instincts.    Finished with a whopping 1 solo.      C- 


Moats - saw some PT, and as often is the case, did little.     C- 


Harrison – had 2 good successive pressures late in the 1H.     C


Jones –  injured an ankle in the 1Q, but came back in.   Was unbelievably flat-footed and feeble on the Wentz scoot away from Tuitt, which allowed the QB to easily saunter away from pressure and then hit Sproles for the dagger 73-yard TD.   Had 3 solos, which might be a career high.     D


Chickillo - didn’t fall for the fake, and honed in on Wentz and applied rare, heavy heat to force a TA, 2Q.   B


Vinnie W. - Came in for the injured Timmons.    Made a few stops.    B-


Fort - saw some PT with Gayzier in and out, 1H.   Did nothing.    C- 


Dupree – did not dress



Golden  – injured his ham, 1Q, and did not return.  


Mitchell – tooled by Celek for a 15-yard completion, early 2Q.    Did a weak-assed wave and whiff on the Barner 8-yard TD run, with an effort as sorry-assed and putrid as can be seen in the NFL.   Basically did jack shit nothing the entire game.   F


Gay  -  got thoroughly abused on the Matthew TD catch, 2Q.    Flagged for PI on an incomplete pass, 3d & 6,  2Q.   This was pretty ticky tack as well.    Flagged for a mask, 3Q.   What enraged me on this play was that it was, at most, 10 INCHES of gain, and the WR was like 3 inches from the fuking chalk.   You don’t need to be grabbing a mask in this situation, at all.    D-  


Cockrell - Got abused on a 3d & 12, last play of 1Q, for a 19-yard crosser.   Sorry, and sad.   Basically allowed a bomb TD, late 3Q, but the WR clumsily allowed the ball to slither out as he hit the ground.   C-


Burns - feebly whiffed on a WR screen, 1st play of 2Q, allowing an extra 9 yards.    Whiffed AGAIN on a quick WR pass, allowing an extra 7 yards, 2Q.   Busted up a curl, late 2Q.    Has completely shitty tackling technique, never breaking down and basically doing a Deion Sanders imitation on most tackle attempts.    D  


Davis - Got turned around like a top, like a damned fool, on the Sproles 73 yard TD.    Had 6 solos, but misses numerous tackles.    C- 


Justin Gilbert - not allowed to play on D, because, after all, this is such a vaunted pass defense.    Inc


Sharko Thomas –  See Gilbert.  


Spec teams:  

Jordan Berry – punted decently.  Boomed a 63-yard punt, late 2Q.    Boomed a punt into the EZ, 3Q, but it was negated by a running-into-kicker flag on Phil.


Boswell – had his initial 36-yard FG blocked in the 1Q.   Booted a 40-yard FG, 2Q.    C+


AB – did nothing in the return game.


Coates had a good solo on KO coverage, 2Q.   Sharko had a superb solo stop of Sproles after a 63-yard punt, late 2Q.   Heyward-Bey had a good solo tackle of Sproles in punt coverage, late 3Q. 



3d & 4, late 1H, and Haley calls a chickenshit, Matt Canda-like ONE yard pass to Rogers, which was swarmed well short of the sticks.    The offensive game plan was shit and vomit, with all the creativity of a phone book.    The complete failure to get someone -- anyone -- involved in the passing game to complement AB is inexcusable at this level.   The insistence of working the ball to a rusty, brittle little faggot like Markus Wheaton is also inexcusable.   Jim Schwartz, the DC of Philly, used Haley as his own little bitch today.    D-  



Keith Assler had the luxury of facing a greenhorned rookie, Carson Wentz.   Sure, Wentz looked impressive in his first 2 games, but this isn’t quite like facing Danny Marino.     Nevertheless, Assler got shredded apart like provolone cheese the entire game.  


Wentz went 4 of 5 on their opening march for a FG.   No pressure, no harassment, and no wrinkles AT ALL. 


3d & 12, late 1Q -- squat for a pass rush, ALL day, EASY completion for 19 yards.     On that 2nd drive, Philly marched  82 yards on 12 plays for a cake-easy TD.   On the 3rd drive, Philly marched 58 yards in 10 plays for a chippie FG.    Philly had 3 primary 1H drives, and casually MARCHED, and MARCHED, as easy as pie for a score in ALL THREE drives.  


Late 2Q, on their 4th drive of the half, 3d & 11, screen left to Sproles, who easily sauntered for 16 yards.    Finally, Assler got a stop and forced a punt, but by the time he did, there were less than 30 seconds left in the half and there was nothing the PIT offense could do.    As it was, Pantz finished the 1H 18 of 25 for 183 yards, with 1 drop of a cake-easy catch.  


It didn’t get any better in the 2H.    First series, 3d & 8, and Assler again allows Sproles to roam WIDE open, for a 73 yard catch and run TD.   From there, the defense basically quit, like a band of losers.   The Iggles scored on 6 of their first 7 possessions, with the lone stop being that late possession in the 1H.    The defense was so sorry that they never once forced a 3-and-out.   Assler graciously provide Carson Pantz the two things QBs crave and dream about --  loads of comfy time back in the pocket, and receivers roaming WIDE open with no defender within a 15 foot radius.  


Bear in mind, the Stillers have exactly ONE sack in 3 games....that when Moats made a heroic (sic) stop after no gain of Andy Smalton, which was ruled a sack.   And as always, this goes FAR BEYOND slop sacks and the sack stat.     It's all about PRESSURE and HARASSMENT, which has been completely non-existent in ALL THREE games thus far.      F


HC:  Mike Dumblin got his buttocks handed back to him in hilarious fashion.    For anyone who has seen this train wreck at least 17 times before, you could smell and see this egg lay coming from miles away.    I fully predicted last week, in writing, this egg lay.   Why?    You had a smug, over confident Stoogelin team, going on the road to face a competent foe.   Precisely the kind of egg lay Stoogelin is famous for. 


Carrying Golson on the active roster continues to be an act of extreme stupidity.    The team dressed only ONE backup OL, and then suffered a rash of injuries on the D-side.   And yet, Stoogelin insists on carrying this sorry-ass who has never played a single snap in an NFL game, even a pre-season game.  


The game was a rout in the 4Q, yet Stoogelin, as he ALWAYS does, insisted on trotting out Ben, AB, and ALL the starters.   For what?     Maybe they eke out a TD in complete garbage time?    So fuking what??     The risk of injury to Ben or AB is far too much to risk.    Philly punted with 36 seconds left in the game…..with a THIRTY ONE point lead.   Who’s back to field the punt?   Why, Antonio Brown…!     Shit happens on punt coverage, such as blockers getting shoved into the punt returner during a fair catch.    Would have been just lovely if AB had torn a knee on some silly, needless play with 30 seconds left in the blowout.    As if that weren’t enough, with 29 second left in the game, on what was assuredly the last play of the game, DW gets the handoff.   Like, where in the fuk is Toussaint for this exact type of mop-up duty???       Fuking Tomlin --  as obtuse and stupid as a demented drunkard.  


It’s quite evident the team, especially the defense, and the OL, QUIT during the 3Q.    It was a complete fuking disgrace to see the vast number of quitters, just going thru the motions.   It’s one thing to get beaten; it’s quite another to roll over and QUIT and get entirely humiliated.   Quitting is for losers, and when a team quits like this, it’s a direct reflection on the head coach, who is obviously a loser.   In most cities, a coach would get skewered for his team quitting in such obvious and shameful fashion.   But in Pittsburgh, with its sheep-like media, Coach Teflon will get yet another free pass.     F-       (Note:  there’s a petition someone started to have Stoogelin fired….sign it, at: )


Synopsis:  A complete and utter disgrace.   Hopefully this kind of ass-beating shakes this pompous team out of its doldrums.   The next 3 games (Chefs, Jest , and Dolphs) are eminently winnable, but with shoddy, sorry-assed efforts like this, they could just as easily lose 2 or even all 3 of those games.   Let’s see how these sorry-assed quitters respond next Sun. evening.  


(Still Mill and -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close….)

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