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Wild Card Game Review – Heyward and Watt

January 18, 2022 by Still Mill

Wild Card Game Review – Heyward and Watt


Lost amid the hideous blowout loss to the Chefs, was the play of the two Steeler defensive he-men and vaunted Pro Bowlers, TJ Watt and Cam Heyward.


As a follow-on to the postgame report of the whipping at the hands of the KC Chefs, we here at felt it would be prudent to provide a more comprehensive review of the two big he-men on the Stiller defense.   After all, these two caphogs consume, by far, the largest chunk of the salcap, esp with Ben’s impending retirement.  And, after all, TV announcer Chris Collinsworth spent the entire game ballwashing these two fellows, proclaiming how great they supposedly are at least 29 times during the broadcast.


The narrative for Big TJ spiraled out of control after this game.   "He had a big game," is the general narrative.   Even Fat Mark Madden got into the act, lavishing The Sitter with this praise and glory:  "Watt had a great game: Besides his touchdown, he had a sack, two tackles for loss and three quarterback hits. He also deflected a pass that was intercepted." 


Yeah, Fat Madden READ from a boxscore, and proclaimed "a great game".   Like reading from a Baseball boxscore....."Jones had a HR, 2 doubles, 3 SBs, 6 RBIs, and score 4 runs. "   If only NFL performance was that simple.   Which it's not.  


Broken down into REALITY, Sitter Watt had a half decent (hardly great) 1st 19 minutes of the game, followed by doing SHEER NOTHING and spending the remaining 40 minutes with his thumb up various orifices.


Yeah, Sitter had a deflected pass in the 1Q, which graciously popped up and landed into the hands of Bush for an INT.   A humdrum play for a man with his height and WING SPAN, which got some good fortune on the pass popping high into the air.  Hardly earth shattering in terms of NFL historic performance.     


In the 2Q, Watt committed a foolish 15-yard masking penalty.   


On the next play, Sitter got a Dong TD.  The play was a BOTCHED RPO handoff, by a WIDE RECEIVER cleverly playing QB for that single play.   Had the handoff been proper, and clean, there is NO LOSS, NO FUMBLE, and NO touchdown.    Watt did nothing on the play, and just happened to be handy when the ball popped into his hands.     Cashing in on an opponent’s carelessness and handling the ball like a greased watermelon is hardly a "great play" .   It was a routine play, no better and no different from either of Larry Brown's 2 INTs in Sup Bowl 30.  Sitter Watt ran the ball into the EZ and then slid, and apparently the short 26-yard fumble return pooped him out from exhaustion. 


From that point on, KC had the ball 6 times, and MARCHED for SIX consecutive TDs.  What did Big TJ Watt do during that carnage ?    N-O-T-H-I-N-G.     Did jack squat fuking nothing.   


No solo tackles, no  assists, no sacks, no nothing.    Yeah, he was credited for a "pressure" or two, which KC DESIGNED to have occur when Sitter slices to the inside and leaves the ENTIRE outside open for Mahomes to roll RIGHT and hit open receivers, such as the Kelce TD late in the 2Q.    


Big TJ got exposed in a hilarious manner on the KC TD to start the 3Q.   On a key 3d &1, the BACKUP tackle, Nick Allegretti, RAGDOLLED Big TJ Watt (he's a DPOY candidate, by the way) to the ground, and then kicked sand in Sitter's face by snaring the 1-yard TD pass.   This hilarity of Big TJ getting throw to the ground, with his dick in the dirt like a JayVee backup, can be viewed here:


Funny how Fat Madden's fawning and praise left out this hideous display of linebacking.   


Sitter's ineptitude and DO-NOTHING extended DEEP into the 4Q, when his brother, a fullback, had MORE solos (2) than he did (1).    


Finally, Sitter Watt just got his 2nd solo tackle of the game, with 4:50 left in the game (with the score 42-21), on a slop stop of a WR screen.   Big TJ then got a sack on the next play, coming in basically untouched and Mahomes, with a 21 point lead, not wanting to risk a fumble or a Kyler Murray-like INT, basically gave up on the play without even trying to scramble.     So impressive!   Sitter finally got his first playoff sack, in garbage time, very late in the game with the score 42-21. 


 The Sitter finished with a whopping THREE solo tackles, a batted pass, and a recovered fumble when KC botched the handoff off a gimmick formation using a non-QB.    Oh, and a “big sack”, with 4-1/2 minutes left in a 42-21 blowout.    At $28 MILLION per season, so highly fuking impressive!     More impressive, The Sitter played only 86% of the snaps despite being totally healthy, meaning he SAT out 14% of the plays.   


Then there's Big Scam Heyward, the vaunted "Pro bowler" as well.    The Scammer, on a $65 MILLION contract that eats a massive amount of salcap, finished with (hold your laughter, please) 2 solos and 2 As, as follows:


(13:17 - 1st) (Shotgun) J.McKinnon up the middle to KC 48 for 6 yards (C.Heyward)     Impressive solo on a line plunge that gained SIX yards, which, of course, is LOSING football.  


 Helped jar the ball loose on the Sitter Watt scoop n’ score.   Of course, had the KC players not juggled the initial handoff like a circus clown, Scam would have never been part of this play.  It would have been a routine 3 yard plunge (or more).     The Scammer got a Forced Fumble only because a WIDE RECEIVER was inserted at QB, and then botched the RPO handoff.   


(9:22 - 2nd) (Shotgun) P.Mahomes pass short left to J.McKinnon pushed ob at PIT 40 for 14 yards (C.Heyward).   Here, The Scammer lumbered after the screen pass, slow as whale manure, and got a slop solo after a hefty 14 yard gainer.  


A couple plays later, Scam took himself OUT of the play on a QB drop and scramble up the gut, with Mahomes gaining 23 yards. 


 (12:32 - 3rd) (Shotgun) P.Mahomes pass short left to T.Kelce to PIT 28 for 8 yards (C.Heyward).    Another slop solo for The Big Scam ! !     He’s so vaunted !


 In all, a weak, underwhelming game by The Scammer.    Yeah, he got a FF ….on a BOTCHED play in which a non-QB botched the RPO handoff and the ball got fumbled.   Gee, what value, at $65M.   


To add salt to the wound, Big Sham played only 45 snaps, or 69% of the D-side snaps.    I guess he was too pooped out to give any more than that.   So much for his vaunted leadership.  Ya can't lead from the sidelines.  


All in all, BOTH vaunted, over-hyped players had ordinary, average games, at best, and one could argue they were both subpar.    Sitter Watt did NOTHING -- - not a single thing - - - as KC marched to SIX STRAIGHT TDs.   Six.    Neither did Sham Heyward.   Both might as well been sitting in a luxury box, sipping mint julips, during the 6-Touchdown onslaught.  


But go on, and believe the narrative about "what a great game" these two hype machines had.  



Follow Mill on Twitter, at StillMill1


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