The GilDong Report (Divisional Playoffs, vs. Balt.)
In light of many a fan being bamboozled and
ga-ga over Jason Gildong's 11 sacks in '98 --- despite only 2 being anywhere
near "earned sacks" --- I've devoted considerable time the past 2
seasons to monitor the work of the exceptionally average Jason Gildon. Gildon,
as you may recall, hoodwinked enough voters in '00 to be voted in to a reserve
spot in the Pro Bowl, and repeated that feat in �01. Jason has been famous
enough with his coverage sacks, flop sacks, the QB-slipped-on-the-wet-turf
sacks, the OT totally forgot his blocking assignment sacks, and so on, that the
NFL designated a new statistic, called the "Dong Sack�", in honor of
Jason GilDong. (Some fantasy football leagues are incorporating this into their
point systems.) Again in '01, I'll take time to expose Jason Gildon for the
fraud that he truly is.
Gildon, the vaunted "Pro Bowl LB",
had a pedestrian game in which he did little, made no impact, and was the least
active player on the entire defense. Gildon did spend a good bit of
time dropping off into coverage, but all in all, the big-time Pro Bowl LB had a
quiet day, finishing with 2 solos, one of which, as we'll see, was another gift
from the official scorer. Gildon once again left no doubt that he
is, far and away, the weakest of the starting four LBs, and with the play of
Mike Jones, it's arguable that Jason is any better than Jonesey.
In-sequence during the game, here are the
plays that Big Jason was involved in:
- In the only action Jason was
involved in during the entire 1st quarter, at the 3:00 mark, the Ravens ran the
ball up their left side�..
Jason tiptoed behind the play, with all
the speed of a glacier. Jason caught up to the scrum, and instead
of doing something constructive, like knocking someone's head off or pushing
the pile back, Jason sidles up to the stack and gently places his arms
around his fellow gridiron warriors. The result is Jason
giving everyone a big "group hug", which was so polite and
kind that it brought a tear to my eye. Jason has always been known for
his clever stack jumping -- an attempt to get credit for a tackle by
jumping on the stack, or as we saw earlier in the season, sitting on the stack
-- but the Group Hug is the latest tactic in Jason's arsenal of
attempting to pad his stats.
- At 9:34 of the 2Q, Grbac faded back to
pass. Jason did the Wide Loop Rush (WLR), and then cut underneath the
ever-clumsy Raven RT, Kip Vickers�.
Jason veered toward the QB, but Vickers gave
him a smack with his paws, and Jason went flying away from the QB and toward
the LOS.
Grbac, in an unfettered
manner, easily got the pass off, which was batted away from the WR by
Flowers. This wasn't a poor play by Gildon, nor was it a good
one. I show this, just in case there are any fawners out there who
might claim that this was some sort of magnificent play by The Gilded
Dong.
- At 5:28 of the 2Q, Grbac flipped a dumpoff
pass to RB Terry Allen in the right flat. Gildon, as can
clearly be seen in the first photo below, was in a short dropoff zone coverage
and had the perfect angle and spatial relationship to come up and put the wood
to Old Man Allen. Jason comes up to meet little Allen, who is all
of 5-10", 205 pounds�.
�.as is his favorite penchant, in photos 2
&� 3, The Flopper does his "flop
and flail", flopping to his knees, flailing, and whiffing pitifully in
the process. Allen gets away, but fortunately Earl Holmes -- a LB who
clearly is not anywhere near the pro bowl caliber of a stud like Jason GilDong
-- comes over and strips the ball from Allen, which the Gilded Dong
recovered.
Because this play was so hilarious, here's
the rear-angle view. As you can see, Jason flops to his knees,
because, even at 255 pounds, Jason has trouble handling a rugged, powerful back
like a Terry Allen�..
In photo 4 below, Allen easily busts away
from Jason's anemic arm tackle, leaving Jason grasping for air�.
While Jason is trying to get his ass off the
turf, Earl Holmes strips the ball from Allen for a key forced fumble.
Because you can never get enough exposure to
a great Pro Bowler like Jason Gildon, here's yet another angle of this
play. As you can see in the first photo, Jason's head is down; his body
positioning is piss poor; and he's already flopping to his knees -- all of
which are the exact opposite of the way an NFL linebacker is supposed to
tackle.
In photo 3 below, Jason has already lost this
battle, as he's flailing and hanging on for dear life with no leverage
whatsoever.
In photo 5 below, Allen has busted loose,
while The Flopper, Jason GilDong, assumes his favorite position -- kneeling on
all fours and begging for more.
- On a 1st & 10 at 2:50 of the 2Q, Grbac
hit Sharpe with a routine curl pass. Jason was back in
coverage, and made the cake-easy stop for his only legitimate solo of the
day.
- At 1:33 of the 2Q, Jason slid inside
Vickers, but got to the QB too late and Grbac easily got the pass off and
completed the pass to Sharpe on the deep seam-route for 27 yards in which he
out-wrestled Logan for the ball. Not a poor play; not a great
play; and not worthy of my time to capture the pictures of it; but just thought
I'd mention it for the masses who think that I "leave out all the great
plays" by The Gilded Dong.
- At 1:06 of the 2Q, Grbac attempted a pass
to backup TE Todd Heap. As you can see in the photos below, Heap has a
step on Big Jason�.
�but the pass is, as usual from a slouch like
Grbac, a bit behind Heap. Still, Heap has the ball in his mitts, but
bobbles the ball, and then drops it when Jason paws at it, plus Lee Flowers
(flying in from the right) lowers the boom.
This wasn't a lousy play by Gildon�.but nor was
it a great play, or even a good play. Had the butterfingered Heap
not dropped the ball, the result is a completion down very, very close to the
goal line, if not a TD.
- On a 1st & 10 at the Balt. 29, at 5:31
of the 3Q, Grbac faded back to pass. As you can see in the photos below,
Big Jason is untouched and unblocked coming off the LOS, and then engages Raven
FB Sam Gash in photo 2�.
�in photo 3, Gash simply crushes the living
shit out of Big Jason GilDong, driving him onto his back for the classic
pancake.
Jason loves bullying the little Terry Allen's
and Moe William's of the world, but when he's got to meet a dog who's smaller, but
at least somewhat near his own size, Jason comes out of the scuffle with his
tail between his legs and beaten so badly that his ass is so sore he can't sit
for three days.
- On a 3rd & 1 at the Balt. 36, at 12:44
of the 4Q, Jason got inside the perennial all-star, Klit
Vickers. Jason had the oafish Grbac dead to rights�.
�.but as is his nature, whiffs miserably,
allowing Grbac to escape and get the pass away.
Grbac, in fact got roughed on this play in a
ticky-tack penalty by A. Smith -- a penalty that would have never occurred had
Jason wrapped and tackled the way a LB is supposed to in the National Football
League.
- Two plays later, on a 2nd & 15 on the
Balt. 46, Jason came off the LOS untouched and unblocked. He
then slid by Terry Allen, the big, brawling 205-pound backup
RB�.
�.Jason once again has the clumsy Grbac dead
to rights, and once again Jason flails like a windmill�.
�.and in photo 6, Aaron Smith comes over to
put a real hit on Grbac.
The on-field angle, below, does this
play more justice�..
Jason manages to slip by little Allen, and then
has Grcoc dead to rights�.
�..but Jason flails like a fool, and Grbac
slips away. All Jason has on Grbac in photo 6 is a fingernail on
Grbac's sleeve (see gold arrow)�
�Grabac's knee is far from down, and below
you see Aaron Smith come in and devastate Grcoc with a real hit�..
�.while Jason GilDong (gold arrow, below) is
once again kneeling on the turf like a downtrodden pumperboy.
Unbelievably, Jason got credit for the full
sack, while Smith got nothing. Of course, we saw this happen
several times this season, where Jason was credited for phantom tackles that he
clearly did not participate in. At best, Jason should have
gotten a half sack, but the real deal is that Smith should have gotten the full
sack and Jason gotten what he deserved -- jack shit. The big time
"pro bowler" had the NFL's slowest, clumsiest QB dead in his sights
and the best The Paper Tiger could do was grab a piece of jersey with the tips
of his dainty fingernails and squeak his way into yet another Dong
Sack�.
Because part of the reason for this report is
to help educate the masses, it's worthwhile to spend a moment looking at what
legitimate, authentic, pro-bowl caliber linebacking play looks
like. On Sunday, the Stillers got pro bowl caliber play from their
best OLB -- OLB Joey Porter, that is. On the first series of the
game, Porter and GilDong flip-flopped (as I'd suggested in my pre-game
outlook). Porter came flying hell-bent from the LOLB spot�
�.instead of pussyfooting around like some
LOLBs are prone to do, Porter never slowed down, and vaulted -- and then
somersaulted from a cut block by RB Moe Williams�..
�unrelenting, Porter rolled, jumped to his
feet like a tiger, and then pounced at Grbac --- all in a single motion that
was so quick and adroit that even Chuck Norris would have been pleased.
Porter his Grbac as he threw, and the result
was the wounded quail pass that Scott INT'd, setting up the Stillers first
score and setting the tone for the rest of the game. This was as
athletic a play from a blitzing LB as you will see in the National Football
League.
From the rear view, below, you get a great
angle of Porter on this play�..
�.note the reckless abandon Porter shows on
this play, similar to how Greg Lloyd played the OLB position for the
Stillers�..
�as Grbac releases the ball, he gets hammered
by Joey Porter.
- The Stillers also got pro bowl caliber play
from another LB. Two plays after McAlister's INT of Stewart,
Grbac faded back to pass. ILB Kendrell Bell (blue arrow, below) did
a delay blitz up the gut. At this point in time of photo 2, Bell has been
held and dragged to the ground by the guard, Mulitalo, who was flagged on the
play�..
�nonetheless, Bell relentlessly jumped up and
vaulted himself at Grbac, altering the pass and enabling FS Brent Alexander to
make a critical INT in the end zone.
Without question, this was an outstanding
play by KenBell -- a play that showed grit, stamina, athleticism, and
relentlessness.
So there you have it, folks.
In a game that featured the Stillers only "pro bowl" LB, the
Stillers got pro bowl caliber plays from two of their non-pro bowl players,
along with a good forced fumble by another LB�.and got exactly zero pro
bowl caliber plays from their vaunted Pro Bowler, Jason GilDong.
Gildon didn't have a poor game, per se, but much like the
Beetle Baileys of the world who avoid screw-ups by simply doing nothing, Jason
Gildon did next to nothing the entire day. He had one solo,
on a simple curl-in that occurred right in front of him.. He was credited
for a sack that he clearly did not make, because he whiffed -- just as he did
earlier in the game -- by grabbing at the QB's helmet instead of driving
through his chest the way a guy like Kendrell Bell does. The
Flopper also flopped and flailed badly on little Terry Allen, on a play that
ILB Earl Holmes had to come over and bail out. The Paper Tiger, of
course, got the fumble recovery and gets a stat for what was a shameful,
shit-laden play for a supposed pro bowl LB. Yes, Jason was
tasked to drop into coverage on occasion, but the bottom line is that Big Jason
didn't show one-tenth the reckless tenacity of his LB brethren.
After all, when you're a Paper Tiger and have fooled enough people into
thinking you're an "All Pro", why try harder ??�