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Stillers-Bears Postgame Analysis and Grades

September 25, 2017 by Still Mill

Bears 23, Stillers 17 (OT) ……. Sep 24, 2017…………Game # 3


Stillers-Bears Postgame Analysis and Grades


The Stillers went to Chico to face the hapless 0-2 Bears.   Sure as shit, they arrived at the game in their typical road funk.   Too worried about pre-game activities during the Anthem, the team stunk and sputtered from the very first quarter.   They managed to force OT, only to collectively lay down, like l;azy dogs, as the Bears jammed the ball down the throat of the vaunted defense on a 4-play, run-only, 75 yard TD march in OT to win the game. 




QB:   Ben had a shoddy, spotty game, all afternoon long.


Opened the game with a foolish, liner-like deep ball to Bryant, which went off his fingertips.  Bry was WIDE open, and putting just 2 feet more of loft on this pass allows Bry to haul it in and jog for a 75-yard TD play.   Woefully threw way too high to AB later in the 1Q.   Two plays later, on 3d & 8, Shitlesberger held onto the ball FOREVER, and then was stripped by a looping DB who blitzed, giving the ball to Chico at midfield.  (Luckily, Chico missed a 47-yard FG on the ensuing drive.)   Threw a simple, routine out pass to Bryant, late 1Q, but the ball was wide and high, and by the time Bry hauled in the pass he was OOB.   On the very next play, had AB WIDE open on a deep route, but threw it too far to the sideline chalk, and a wee bit underthrown, and the Chico DB was able to bust it up.  


Had JuJu WIDE open in the EZ, 2Q, but foolishly threw the ball far too high.   Had AB open on a deep route, late 1Q, but threw a horrendous quail of a pass that was underthrown and busted up.


On a 3d & 7 at the Chico   , Ben finally -- 3 games into the season -- took off with the ball, running up the middle on a scramble for the 1D.   Stop the presses !     Ben The Drama Queen finally scrambled for yardage !

Held the ball forever, 3d & 3, 4Q, and then took the sack.   Very stubborn, and stupid.    Overall, he finished with a lukewarm 22 of 39 for 235 yards and 1 TD.     Not nearly good enough, in particular the spotty, inaccurate passes and the foolish fumble.     C



Bell - Had an ok day on the ground, with 15 rushes for 61 yards.  4 yards a crack isn’t bad, and of course, he got only 15 carries, mostly because you have an offense with pretty much THE worst 3rd down conversion rate in the NFL.


Converted a 1st & G plunge, 3Q, to make it 17-13.   Good 2d and 3rd effort on this run.     Allowed a short out pass, while WIDE open, to clang off his hands, 8:50 4Q.    Had 6 grabs for 37, although his RAC still isn’t up to the stellar form he displayed the past 2 seasons.   B-


Conner -  Not permitted to play on offense.  


Watson - superb power run on 3d & 1, gaining 2 on a strong, hard-nosed run. 



Nix - got stoned as a lead blocker on a 1Q plunge.   Very poor.      Played sparingly. 



Brownie – far too nonchalant and lazy on the deep ball, late 1Q.   A better effort draws the PI flag.   Good explosion on the 7 yard TD pass off a 0-step hitch, 2Q.   Flagged for a false start, late 2Q.   Atoned for it with 2 consecutive grabs to set up Boswell with a chippie FG on the final play of the half.   Spectacular catch inside the chalk on a poor, high out pass, early 3Q.   Amazing.   Had 10 grabs for 110 and 1 TD.  Once again, one of the very, very few players who showed up ready to play.    A-


Bryant - allowed deep ball on game’s first play to glance off his fingertips.  Good pluck of an out pass, early 2Q.  Good grab, late 2Q.  On the next play, however, he was thrown a deep ball, and in addition to failing to out-jumping a smaller DB, he allowed the ball to CLANG off his shoulder pad.   Had a piddly 2 grabs for 30 yards, which ain’t nearly good enough.   B


Eli - never once targeted the entire game.


Heyward-Gay – no PT on O. 


JuJu - took a WR screen on 3d & 15 and gained 14, late 1Q.  Gained 25, early 4Q, on a big RAC after a short crosser.   B



Jesse James - snared a 14 yard pass, 2Q, and held on despite taking a helmet to helmet lick that forced James to jog off the field.   He returned to action.   Had 2 grabs for 19.    B


Grimble - little PT.


McDonald - little PT.  


OL:  Overall, the line struggled like bitches in the ground game, and a times had some issues in pass pro.   All the mega-millions spent on this OL, and they block like cowardly faggots. 


Villeneueva -  only player to stand on the field for the Anthem.   


Gilbert -  FatAss Marcus did not dress. 


Foster –  left the field at 6:00 1Q with some sort of injury.  Finney replaced him.  Finney helped shove Bell forward for the TD, 6:43 3Q. 


Pouncey - Not enough from this supposed All Pro center.  


DeCastro –  Again, not enough.   Not nearly enough.


Hubbard - started in place of Gilbert.  Flagged for a hold, 4Q, which negated a 1st down run of 6 yards.  I despise holding flags on running plays.  He also was abused for a sack.    C



Hargrave - stuffed a run for -1, 3Q.   Threw aside a blocker and sacked the QB, late 3Q.  Superb bulrush.      B-


Heyward – got mauled by a SOLO block on the early 1Q TD run.   Very shoddy, and sorry.    Then, late 1Q, on an inc. 3d & 8, this dumbass extended the drive with a roughing the passer flag.  Completely UNBLOCKED, he got tooled by Cohen on a shake n bake, which allowed the small RB to scamper for 26 yards.   Again, very shoddy.    On the game-winning TD run, he was mauled and bullied.   Had 3 solos in a subpar effort.    C-


Tuitt – was supposedly ready to play, but did not dress.


Alu - started in place of Tuitt.   Did little. 


Walton - saw some PT here and there.



Vinnie– big hit on Bears fist play on a stretch run.   Whiffed on Howard behind the LOS, 3d & 2, which allowed Howard to gain about 9.   Had 5 solos, which ain’t good enough.    B-


Shaquier – good stick on 1st & goal run, 1Q.   Superb stop of Howard on a screen pass, 2nd play of 2Q.  Forced a fumble, 3Q, which resulted in the rarest of rare birds, a Steeler turnover created.   Feebly whiffed on Cohen after a short grab, turning a 3 yard gain into 9.   Good wrap of Howard after a short dumpoff, late 4Q.  In OT, he stupidly overpursued to his left, and allowed a GAPING hole for Howard to job thru for the game-winning TD.      Had 11 solos, but the OT TD hampers the grade.   A-


Moats - saw no action on D.  


Harrison – saw only sparse PT.   Unbelievable, especially given how soft and clumsy Chickillo was playing. 


Chickillo - poor and shoddy on a 1Q sweep left, which allowed about 10 yards.  Way too soft.   Got sealed on a 12-yard run by Howard later in 1Q.    On the first play of the 2Q, he adroitly read a fake end-around, and then unblocked sacked the QB.  I would have preferred a strip on this play, as Chick came from the blind side and could have chopped the ball loose.  Sloppily failed to bring down Cunningham, just 3 feet from the sideline, on key 3d & 4, 4:30 3Q.   Very pitiful and sorry.   Then got easily walled off on a 3d & 2, allowing an alley 9 feet wide for a 15 yard run by Howard.   On the game-wining TD run, there was Big Anthony doing nothing but titty-jousting with a blocker as Howie cruised thru the hole for a cake-walk TD,.   This man is turning into a GilDong in front of our very eyes.    D


Dupree – twice failed to set the edge on wide 1Q runs.    Had an EASY shot to drop Howard for a 4-yard loss, 3Q, but instead feebly whiffed, which allowed a 5 yard gainer.  Slashed in to drop Howard, -4, late 3Q.   Had 4 solos, but not nearly good enough.    C


Watt - did not dress, due to the ham.



Mitchell – tripped up Howard on a shoe-string stop after a long run, 3Q, and Howard was injured on the play.   This was Mitchell’s only contribution of the day.  Clumsily dropped a low, but catchable, INT with less than 2:00 left in the 4Q.  With Cohen pinned next to the sideline chalk, Big Mike, the Big Woofer, feebly whiffed like a fuking 4th grader, allowing Cohen to scamper down the field for an apparent TD.     He sucks, and suck ass badly.    D


Gay  -  decent coverage on Miller on 3d & 12, early 3Q. 


Burns - got abused by PissAss Wheaton on a deep route, and should have been flagged for holding.  As usual Wheaton dropped the ball.   Then got tooled on 2d & 15, allowing a 17 yard pass to Miller. 


Davis - went to the locker room, late 3Q, with an ankle.   


Haden - Good coverage, early 3d & 11, with a bust-up.


Wilcox - nabbed a poor pass for a rare Stiller INT, 4Q.   On a late Chico fumble, Wilcox was trying to SCOOP the ball, rather than simply DIVING on the ball, and a Bear was smart enough to dive and recover the pill. 


Hilton - completely busted up WR screen play, 2nd play of game, for a 1 yard loss.


Spec teams:  

Jordan Berry – punted like dick, once again.  With a chance to pin Chico inside their own 10, early 3Q, he instead boomed the ball into the EZ for a shoddy, harmless touchback.   He sucks ass.    C


Boswell – had a FG blocked, although it obviously wasn’t his fault.   He did make 1 FG.  


Rogers - muffed early punt, giving Chico the ball at the Pgh 29.   Very poor.     D- 


Watson - took about 19 seconds to return a 1Q KO to the 23. 


Superb effort by Vance McDonald to strip the Bear near the GL on the final play of the 1H, which was a FG block that was returned.  (Perhaps McDonald should play defense…at least he tries hard.)   The Bear (Marcus Cooper) stupidly slowed down and nearly halted just short of the GL, and McDonald stripped the pigskin.   The ball rolled into the EZ, and Berry alertly swatted the ball out of the EZ.   Lost in all of this was how a Bear so easily got into the backfield to block the FG in the first place.  Grimble failed to pick up a corner rusher.   At any rate, Chico was given the ball at the half-yard line, then committed a false start on the final, untimed down of the half.   Chico settled for a FG to make it 17-7 at the half, but if the FG hadn’t been blocked and Boswell made the boot, the score would have been 14-10.     


Shoddy punt coverage, late 4Q, although their bacon was saved with a holding call on Chico. 



Vaunted as this offense is, they managed all of 7 points in the 1H, although they could have had another 3 were it not for a FG block.   Still, 10 points is nothing to crow about in a half of work. 


In the 1Q, they were flagged for an illegal shift, and early in the 2Q the O was flagged for an illegal formation.


3d & 3, mid 4Q, with the ball at the Chico 14, and Haley calls a high risk post to Bryant, instead of, you know, simply calling a LOW risk, high probability 4-yard play that might gain an easy 4 yards and move the sticks.  The pass, of course, was incomplete, and this shit offense completed a 3-and-out and lamely settled for a FG.    After the Wilcox INT, the Stiller O was gifted this GOLDEN FP, and instead of scoring a TD, they do a chickenshit 3 and out.   Next series -- 3 and out.    Complete shit and vomit.  


27th in NFL on 3D conversion coming into the game, and today they go 4 of 11 to maintain their standing in the bottom 5 of the NFL.   I wrote about this after week 1 -- Haley has ZERO concept, and zero interest, in moving the chains with 1st downs, instead continually going for broke with high risk, low probability plays that all too often are getting broken up or falling incomplete.    Haley is so enamored with the big-play, 35-yard pass attempt, that he has no concept of running the ball on consecutive plays or taking the easy 6-yard pass.   Last season, Eli  Rogers established himself as an ultra-trusty underneath receiver in the Manny Sanders mold.   Eli had 48 grabs.   This season?    He has six, including ZERO yesterday while Haley continually opted for long balls to Bry and AB, almost al of which fell harmlessly incomplete.   Ya know, on 3d & 7, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with a 5 yard pass to a good RAC runner.   Or a routine 8 yard pass to a tall fellow like James.    Something.   Anything.   Aside from the pigslop and horseshit that Haley has been feeding us these past 3 games.       F-



Keith Assler had his weekly luxury, this week facing a RAVAGED O-line of Chico.   It got even better, as one of their O-lineman was injured early in the game.  Sure as shit, of course, he struggled like a complete bitch in stifling the Bear running game, despite the fact this is an offense with a hideous passing game and a makeshift O-line. 


I was enraged this vaunted D was unable to hold Chico to a FG after the early Rogers fumble.    You want to be a great defense?   Ok, then fuking stop a BULLSHIT, subpar offense and force a fuking FG.   But not Assler, who allowed the Bears to score as easy as pie. 


The Stillers had a longggg, clock-chewing march, 2Q, and scored a TD to tie the game at 7.   Sure as shit, Keith Assler allows the Bears feeble-assed offense to march the entire length of the field, scoring a TD to go back on top, 14-7.   Very, very shitty and poor.    Allowed Howard to rush for 74 yards on only 12 carries, 1H. 


With the feeble Bear offense facing a 3rd & 5 from its own 14, 2:41 4Q of a tie game, the Stillers called a TO.   This presumably gave Assler plenty of time to get his D prepared, including the anticipation of the RB DUMPOFF PASS, which is pretty much ALL that Glennon had completed the ENTIRE game.   (Note:  he completed ONE pass to a WR in the entire game.)    Instead, NO ONE keeps an eye on Cunningham, who slipped out for a little dumpoff and gained an easy 11 yards and a huge 1st down.   Because of Assler’s outrageous stupidity, Chico was able to chew a ton of more clock, and punted to the Stillers, which was FC at their 15 with only 52 secs left.   Note the enormous difference in how this SHOULD have played out:  Had Assfuk Assler anticipated the 99% probability of a RB dumpoff, Chico punts from their own END ZONE, perhaps at the 2:00 mark, and the Stillers likely take over at their own 40 or 45 with 1:55 remaining.  


In OT, the Bears got the ball first.   They simply handed the ball off time and time and time again, and despite NOTHING from their WRs in the passing game, Assler was unable to bottle the run.  Four rushes, 74 yards, and a game-winning TD, with Keith Assler standing on the sidelines with his thumb up his ass.     Assler -- as dumb an ass as has ever been an DC in the NFL.    A complete tool.    F-


HC:  Mike Dumblin spent all of his pregame planning on how the team was going to sit out the National Anthem, which, in and of itself, was a fuking disgrace.   Asslin claimed he didn’t want the team divided.   But wait…ONE player stood on the field for the anthem; the rest stood in the tunnel.   Wasn’t this by definition, DIVIDED ?     The further disgrace was Asslin, once again, not having his team mentally ready to hunt bear, on the road, against a weak, inept opponent.   Said Asslin after the loss, ““I’ve got a disappointed group in there.  And appropriately so. We fought our tails off, but we weren’t able to finish the job.”   Fought??     Fought, my ass !!   The entire defense ROLLED OVER, like gutless pussies, in overtime, allowing a team with ZERO passing attack to rush all 4 plays to cover 74 yards for the game winning TD.      If Mike Asslin thinks they “fought”, then he’s as gutless as the French Army.    And as dimwitted as a drunken stooge.  


Fact is, this over-rated defense has been far too soft in EACH of the first 3 games, and the vaunted “30 point a game” offense hasn’t been worth a rat’s ass, mostly because they have no clue on making FIRST downs in order to maintain a drive.   IPerhaps Asslin needs to spend more time preparing his team for a game, and less time planning out some chickenshit refusal to have the team stand ON the field for the Anthem.  t all starts at the top, and the combination of this Stoogelin Anthem bullshit combined with shoddy, under-achieving play should have this man fired by Tuesday morning.    Should, but won’t.      F-


Synopsis: Another grab-asstic road egg-lay by Mike Stoogelin and his merry band of simpletons and oafs.   Come Jan, this entire team will be pissing and moaning about going on the road in the playoffs, and it’s precisely losses like this one that make a team go on the road.   The problems with this team are many, and this collection of underachieving sorry-asses had better get things fixed before the season spirals out of control. 


(Still Mill and -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close….)

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