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Nearing the 3/4 Pole...

November 28, 2007 by Swissvale72

Nearing the � Pole�

�down the stretch we come

By Swissvale72

 

 

Dateline:  Elba (AP)

  

It�s 27 days until Christmas, less than 4 short weeks.  Christmas is undoubtedly my least favorite holiday, for a plethora of reasons��

  1. I�m a cheap bastard�.and it costs too much damn money (write SignPlax about the beer I still owe him two years later).
  2. I�m scared of Fat Fucks in red & white (Vince Wilfork, Bob Kraft�Santa Klaus).
  3. Too damn much traffic and people scowling when they should be smiling.
  4. The holiday�s intrusion into the very very best segment of the football season.

 

I know, I know�..one would think, given my work with children and youth, that I would embrace the Holidays, as a time of unbridled joy and celebration.  Two words�Fuck That!!  First off, it�s busy as hell here.  Secondly, four other words�rejection, heartbreak, abandonment, despair�.the Four Horseman of the Group Care Apocalypse�.make this less than a time of rejoicing within this workplace.

 

My favorite holidays are Columbus Day and Veterans Day.  Neither involves gifts; neither involves family gatherings, both involves very good sports activity.  Thanksgiving�s okay, but only if I can spend it with other dagos�plus, can�t eat 44 homemade raviolis any longer, so what�s the point.

 

I always breath a sigh of relief once it�s December 26th on the calendar, though it is Boxing Day in Canada.  We can finally put all the holiday bullshit behind us, and focus on that which really matters.  This year, December 26th falls four days prior to the regular season finale in Baltimore�.and it�s now time to speculate on the season�s final five games, currently and historically.

 

First, the historical view�..what about Steeler playoff teams during the Final Five�.

 

The Noll Years

 

�72: 4-1 �73: 2-3 �74: 4-1 �75: 4-1 �76: 5-0 �77: 4-1 �78: 5-0 �79: 3-2 �82: 3-2 �83: 1-4 �84: 3-2 �89: 4-1

 

The Emperor lost more than once in the Final Five only 4 times in 12 Playoff years.  One of these teams (�79) produced a Super Bowl winner, one squad (�84) won a very big playoff game in Denver against the 13-3 Broncos, and the other two fell flat on their collective faces.

 

Conversely, in those eight years where his team lost only one game, or none at all during the Final Five, only one team (�77) failed to win a playoff game�.though Joe Greene did land a roundhouse right into the solar plexus of Paul Howard on Christmas Eve in the Mile High City.

 

The Cowher Years

 

�92: 3-2 �93: 3-2 �94: 4-1 �95: 4-1 �96: 2-3 �97: 3�2  �01: 4-1 �04: 5-0 �05: 4-1

 

Cowher�s playoff teams lost more than once in the Final Five 4 times in 9 playoff years.  Only one of these teams (�97) won a playoff game.  All five of Cowher�s teams that lost only once, or none at all during the Final Five won at least one playoff game.

 

So�..we reach the conclusion that it�s damn important to finish strong.  What a f uckin� surprise.  Having established that working assumption�we�ll go on to the current situation.

 

The Tomlin Year

 

The Debacle in the Meadowlands should have proven, beyond any doubt, a point I�ve oft-repeated on this site, that being that there�s no such thing as a gimme on the road in the NFL�particularly when you bring a porous offensive line on the overnight.  And�looking at the remaining schedule, I see zero gimmes, home or away.

 

Cinci:  Lost two years in a row to this team at home, both following Monday Nighters.  They�re improving, Chris Henry�s back.  DB�s gotta be playing tough�.let�s hope & pray for #43�s return.  And what the fuck with Marvel Smith�.he better get his ass back in there.  Santonio�please�gotta have ya.  Let�s also not wish too hard for Cinci injuries�more on that later.  I�m very scared  of The Homo Carson Palmer in this one.

 

NE:  Not countin� on nothin� in this game.  Maybe we get a miracle�.I�ll be in Foxboro�.hook up with Jumbo Head Youks�.get shitfaced �cause  TonyV15220 can drive home (what if I end up in Pittsburgh �s South Hills..how will I explain that!!), hope to stay the fuck outta jail (somehow�I�m suspecting that JumboHead is not a positive influence�.never did know where the name JumboHead comes from either�have seen NH License Plates with FatHead and FatBob�but JumboHead???).

 

Jax:  Hugely important home game.  Crucial to the Division, to potential tiebreakers for a longshot #2 seed, and hell�..we lose 2 games in a row�.in December�..none of the eight two-loss Final Five teams just referenced won a playoff game after losing two in a row (this would be the �73, �82, �83, �92, �93, & �96 editions).  Forget about running during this game.  Put it on Ben�s back�.let him carry us to victory.  D will be big�..17 points wins for us�.maybe less.

 

St. Louis:  Don�t like it�..short week, which could also serve as an equalizer�.liable to be beat to shit after the Jax game�.dome�.yeah, I know we had 3 dome wins in our glorious SBXL 8-game run�.still don�t like it.  We�ll be mighty mighty pissed to lose this one�.but not a gimme.

 

Baltimore:  Who knows what kind of Raven team shows up in the finale.  No hope for a playoff spot for the Ratbirds��should enable our people to own the stadium.  Could be Billick�s final game.  We should win�but if they�ve any pride remaining, they�ll be wanting to avenge the Monday Night ass-kickin�.

 

Our Rivals

Cleveland:

@AZ�..c�mon, Whiz�help us out�.one of the best shot for a Brownies loss

@NYJ�beat us�..can take the Brownies, too

Buffalo�.Bills will play hard; Browns should win

@Cinci�.this is why we don�t want The Homo, the Terrorist, or CJ to break their fuckin� legs against us�.best chance for a Brownies loss

SF�no way the Browns should lose this one

 

Obviously, we lose one, no way the Browns can catch us. We lose two, one Browns loss, Steelers still take the Divison�and the Browns will lose one.  We lose three�.I think we�re fucked for any strong showing in the playoffs, regardless of whether we�re #3 or #6 seed.  Still even money, IMO, for Steelers to take the Division, even with 3 losses in the final 5�..but please, let�s not do that.

 

Indy:

Might we still contend for the #2 spot??

Jax�..best chance for an Indy loss

@Balt�.unlikely, but maybe Ravens are inspired

@Oakland�Indy wins�end of story

Houston�..Indy wins�end of story

TN�..Indy likely wins

We lose once, we need Indy to lose twice to grab the #2�and if one of those 2 losses is Carolina (which it won�t be), still might not grab #2�haven�t figured that one out.  Could they lose these next two?  Lose at home to both Jax & TN?  Again, unlikely�but let�s hope

 

Jax: 

Indy�root for Jax

Carolina�.ain�t happening

@Pittsburgh�gotta beat Jax

Oakland�.ROTFLMAO

@ Houston�.could happen

 

Even if Jax beat Indy this week, Indy still has the divisional tiebreaekers in their favor.

 

Okay�.tired of writing, have had work issues thrust at me (WTF??)�.so I�ll cut to the bottom line.

 

Consistent with some prior prognostications��Steelers close the season 11-5 (yes�I know that losing 2 of the Final Five has not served us well over the years).  We go down in Foxboro, one other TBA.  We draw the Clevelanders�again�.first round�win another close one at Heinz�..then it�s off to Indy.  Repeat of that glorious day in January of �06.  Stay tuned!!

 

Signing off�.

 

S72

 

 

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