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Stillers-Jest Postgame Analysis and Grades

December 22, 2019 by Still Mill

Jest 16, Stillers 10…..Dec 22, 2019………Game # 15


Stillers-Jest Postgame Analysis and Grades


The Stillers went up to Gotham to play the lowly Jest, and showed up in the 1st quarter will all the intensity of a grocery store cashier.     They pretty much went thru the motions, and sure as shit, they were down 10-0 as quick as lightning.   They clawed back to a tie, but then the soft, over-rated defense allowed two FG drives by a meager, piddly Jest offense, and the 6 more were more than enough against this woeful offense. 




QB:   Hodges started and picked up where he left off vs. Buff, with 2 hideous INTs.  


Rudy came on in relief in the 2Q and did adroitly lead the team to 10 points, including a nice TD strike to Dionte late in the 1H.    But after getting stepped on by his center (Finey) and falling backwards, Rudolph stupidly got up, and then was driven into the ground, injuring his left shoulder.    I cannot, for the life of me, explain why he didn’t simply keep prone, both for his health as well as a stripped or poked fumble.   


Hodges came back in, but was largely mediocre.  To his credit, he did fire a near TD strike to JamesWash in the EZ, but Wash failed to PLUCK the ball, and it was raked out by the DB.    And, the last, late 4th down pass was well catchable by JuJu, but Schitt-Schuster clumsily mis-judged the ball like a damn fool.     Hodges, C-, Rudy B





Conner – Had an adequate 1H with 6 carries for 32 yards.  Of course, he got injured late in the half, and never returned.    Ya can’t rely on china dolls, and it’s readily apparent Conner is indeed a china doll.    C


Samuels - had 3 short carries, and 4 grabs for 32.     B-


Snell - 7 carrries for 14 yards.  C


Whyte - 6 rushes for 22 yards.  Of course, as the fastest, shiftiest RB on the roster, he was thrown zero passes.



FB:    N/A



JuJu – finally returned to the lineup after what seemed like 2 months out for a knee.   He had a piddly 2 grabs for 22 yards, and as noted above, clumsily and miserably failed to corral the last-ditch, 4th down pass to end the game.  Perhaps he should spend more time dicking around with late-nite video games.    D-


Wash - had 5 grabs for 41, but was a bit injured on a horsecollar tackle.    He did return to action.  As noted above, he had a chance to WIN the game, late, but failed to pluck a deep ball in the EZ that hit him squarely in BOTH hands.     C+


D. Johnson - had 8 grabs for 81.   He’s been emerging as the best receiver on this club.     A-


Cain - had 2 grabs for 10.  


Holton - no grabs, as usual.   



McDonald - had 3 grabs for 9 yards.   Not overly good.    C


Vannett - targeted just once and turned it into an 18 yard gainer.    Of course, he was never targeted again.   


OL:  Overall, the line played like the over-rated fat-asses that they’ve been for 85% of the season.  The run blocking was sporadic.   The pass blocking completely sucked ass, with a torrent of pressure allowed on just about every passing play.  Fat Ramon Foster, late in the 4Q, assaholically blocked DOWN when he had no need to, which enabled the man in his face to storm in and sack Hodges on a mini-bootleg to Hodges’ right.    A shit play by a supreme fatass who, blessfully, is in his final season in Pittsburgh.  Pouncey, of course, was injured again, and was carted off the field.   D+



Heyward – had a couple solos and a batted pass.  Hardly dominant, however.    All the hype and clamor about this fatass making the Blow Bowl, and then he gives this half-asses, highly forgettable performance.   B-


Hargrave - Had 1 solos all game long, and did jack shit in stuffing the run.     As much as he’s ballooned in weight, it’s probably high time to allow him to depart in free agency.     C


Alu, Buggs, McSwallers - did very little.     C- 



Vinnie – not a ton of PT, and had just 1 assist.   Inc


Barron - somehow recorded 5 slop stops.    Never in position to make a stick or force a turnover.  C-


Bush - had 3 meager solos in a far too-quiet effort.    Was rarely around the ball and never once made a big play.  C-


Chickillo - got a few snaps here and there and had 1 solo.   


Watt – Had a decent game, with a couple solos and a strip-sack in which he astutely recovered the fumble.    B


Crud Dupree – Did little, with 2 slop- solos, once of which he was completely unblocked, and the other being a Dong Sack that resulted in a two INCH loss.  


Matakevich - no PT on D.


Odeniyi - saw a few snaps.  




Haden – a so-so game.  Failed to hold onto an early INT, although the refs botched the ball, as he should have been ruled down with the ball.     B-


Nelson - played ok, but allowed a couple receptions.     B-


Hilton – tied for the team lead with 5 solos.    Dude is fearless.   A-


Edmunds - got scorched on the early TD, showing the speed and athleticism of a 47-year old school librarian.    Finished then game with ONE solo, which is unacceptable for a SS in this Defense.    D


Minkah - Foolishly and clumsily misjudged an early crosser, which should have been a cake-easy INT.   Instead, he was correctly flag for PI, which kept the drive going, and +NY scored their lone TD a few plays later.  Had gotten far too quiet these past 3 games.      C


Sutton - played ok.


Spec teams:  

Jordan Berry –  punted like ass once again.    With a chance to pin NY deep in its territory in the 2H, Cherry boomed a punt that was FC at the 21…..for a 25-yard punt.   Complete voit.   Biggest pilo shit punter in the league.     D- 


Boswell - 1 for 1 on FGs.      


Dionte - had one nice PR for 17 yards.  


Matakevic - His only job, really, is spec teams.   So in the 4Q, on 4th and 5, what did this dumbassed fuking idito do?    Why, he jumps offsides, giving the Jest a 1st down.     Sure, the D forced another punt a few plays later, but that was lost clock for a team that was trailing, with a hideous offense.    F


OC:  Randy Sphincter again oversaw an offense that had the creativity of a 2-year old with a box of Crayons.   There was ONE clever play run all day…out of a jumbo formation (with Banner in as a 3rd TE), on 1st down, a play-action pass to a wide open Vannett gained 18 yards.  Of course, Vannett was never targeted again, nor were there any other thought-provoking, astute plays.    Sphincter just grab-bagged it the whole game, aimlessly grabbing plays with little or no rhyme or reason.    And the 2nd INT in the EZ…..what in sam hell were TWO Steelers doing, some 8 feet apart from one another?    Just another example of the juvenile scheme used by Sphincter.     D



Keith Assler once had his ass handed back to him.  The opening, 75-yard march for a TD against this weak-assed offense was entirely unacceptable.    Assler quickly followed that up but allowing the Jest to casually march for a FG.   Once again, Assler couldn’t get the fuk off the field on key 3rd downs, and once again, his vaunted defense folded like a lawn chair late in the 4Q, a disturbing trend that has happened ALL season long.  He sux, and sux ass badly.     D- 


HC:  Mike Asslin oversaw another road egg-ay.   You saw for your very eyes, in the 1Q, how mentally and physically unprepared this team was.    Obviously, they weren’t prepared at all, either schematically or mentally, to win this game.  The lowly Jest offense marched right down the field for an early TD, and then marched again for a FG.    All the while, this sickly offense wheezed and sputtered, with a game-plan written on used toilet paper.   It all starts at the top, and clearly Asslin wasn’t up to the standard today.      D 


Synopsis:  Now 8-7 and gasping for life in the playoff chase.   A win today would have fairly secured their playoff spot.  This loss creates a huge permutation of needing help (They need the Bitans to lose to the Texans), and facing a Ravens team that, while resting key starters, isn’t about to just roll over and get boat-raced.  



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