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Stillers-Browns Postgame Analysis and Grades

October 13, 2014 by Still Mill


Browns  31, Stillers 10 ……. Oct 12, 2014…………Game # 6

 

Stillers-Browns  Postgame Analysis and Grades

 

The Stillers went to Clev, bent on righting things after two weeks of completely lackluster efforts against bottom-feeders Tampa and Jax.   The Stillers totally dominated the 1Q, outgaining Clev to the tune of something like 85 to minus-8.    From that point on, this slothful team played with its collective thumbs up its ass, getting whipped in every phase of the game, as Cleve rolled to a thoroughly dominating 31-10 win over the bedraggled Stillers.  

 

 

Grades:

QB:  Ben had another shit outing.    Overthrew an open Wheaton on a 3d & 1, mid 2Q.   Led AB too close to the s-line, early 3Q, on a play that should have gone for a 90-yard TD rather than a 23-yard completion.   In fact, all day long, Ben continually led his open receivers too close to the sideline chalk, like the damn fool he is rapidly becoming.    Late in the 3Q, had a pass deflected -- for about the 15th time this season -- and this was snared for a key INT.  Shit pass that was a bit too long to a wide open Wheaton in the EZ, putting whipped cream on a shit sandwich of a game.    21 of 42 against a shit, injury riddled defense is unacceptable.   The sad reality today is that Ben is nowhere close to being an elite QB right now.   Nowhere even close.    He sadly has morphed into a Trent Dilfer -- an oafish, lumbering, skittish, scattershot QB who isn’t worth a tinker’s damn.     D-

 

RB:  

Bell -  Stutter Bell had an okay game on paper, but the game isn’t played on paper.    Stuttered and tip-toed far too much on the early 3d & 1.  Had he gone straight for the sideline, he had the corner and easily the 1st down, but instead was nabbed well short of the sticks.    Had 82 yards on 18 rushes and 4 grabs for 23.      B-  

 

Blunt – Had 8 rushes for 27, although a couple were late-game garbage plunges.   B

Archer:  Pee Pee Archer got a carry in the 1Q, and of course tripped over his own feet on the way through the hole on a 4-yard carry.   Grabbed a screen pass with lots of open room in the 3Q….and then was ankle-nipped by a DB as he was turning the corner.    Gee, wasn’t this fellow supposed to run a 4.2 forty ??    Looks like a 4.5 Rainey lookalike to me.      C- 

 

FB:  I guess Will Johnson will rot the bench the entire season.  Never mind that he’s 5 times the blocker and receiver than a pile o’ shit like Matthew Spaeth.  Inc

 

WR: 

Brownie – Had 7 grabs for 188, although some of that came in garbage time.    In his defense, he was literally neglected in the 1H, even though the guy covering him, Haden, had a hobbled hip.    But hey, his streak of 5 catch, 50 yard games is still intact…!      B+

Pinkie Wheaton - Lazily turned on a key 3D curl pass, and then allowed the ball to clang off his hands.   What a turd.   Had a good grab along the s-line, 4Q.  Failed to haul in the EZ lob; sure, it led him a bit too much, but it clanged off his fingertips.  Had 4 grabs for 33, which is basically 8 yards a catch.   As I’ve been saying ALL season long, this is pitiful production for a #2 WR in this era of NFL football.     C-  

  

Justin Brown – good grab, 3d & 1, 3d series.   Had 2 grabs for 9.   He still sucks.     B- 

 

Lance “Yancey” Moore- juggled and dropped a pass, late 2Q.  Dropped a deepish lob on 3d & 17 in the 3Q on a pass that literally clanged off his chest plate.   Yancey completed the hat trick by dropping a short slant in the 4Q.  Moore finally held on for a completely meaningless TD in garbage time.     D+ 

 

Margavis Bryant - did not dress again.   Brilliant 4th round pick by the omnipotent Kevin DoltBert.  

 

Heyward-Gay - as usual, did nothing.    He has more penalties, and last names, than he does receptions.   D-

 

TE:  

Miller - failed miserably with his block on the early 3d & 1, with his man making the stop.   Very poor technique and a shit effort.   Dropped a short pass, 3Q.   Got totally abused and gave up a sack, 3Q.   Finished with 2 grabs for 19 in a game I’m sure he’d soon like to forget.    C-

Spaeth - dressed, and wasted oxygen, plus a scare spot on the 45-man game-day dress roster.   Did jack shit all game long.     D-

 

OL: 

Beacham  -  did little, aside for earning a dead-ball personal foul after a 1st down play at the CLE 1 (one) yard line.     Brilliant !!      I’m going to laugh my ass off next Mon nite, watching Beacham poop his pants as he gets torn apart, limb by limb, by JJ Watt.   C- 

Gilbert -  FatAss Marcus surprisingly didn’t get flagged.   He did get shoved back into Ben’s face a couple of time, forcing the QB to scoot in the pocket.   C.

Pouncey –  Played okay, but hardly dominating.    B-

Foster - actually played adequately.    B

DeCastro - Ditto for Pouncey.      C+

 

DL:   

Cam Thomas - hey, the fatass finally got a solo stop….with 4:20 left in the game during garbage time.    This guy is the very definition of a fat pile o’ dung.    D

 

Keisel -   Did very little all game long.    He did show good hustle by chasing down the TE on the long throwback play in the 2Q.     C

 

McLendon -  injured his shoulder, 1H, and did not return.   Did little prior to that.    C

 

Heyward – good bulrush, first series, for a sack.   Did little thereafter.  Got nicked up, 4:00 4Q, and then got up yelling at OT Joe Thomas and the CLE offense.       B-

 

Tuitt - the vaunted 2nd rounder saw little PT.   Had an assist.   Good thing the team pissed away a 2nd rounder on this stiff.     Inc

 

LB: 

Timmons – flashed in, 2d series, for a 2-yard loss.   Stood around and watched an 8-yard gut plunge go for a TD.  Delivered some licks, but was guilty as any on over-pursuit on outside zone plays.      B- 

 

Shaquier – did not dress.  

Worilds -  Again, I thought Big LaMarr went to the Raidas.  What, praytell, is he still doing with the Stillers ??    Oh wait, that was The Hokie Hooker, Jason Worilds, who once again STOOD AROUND doing nothing the entire game.   Rare bust-up of pass, first D play of game.  Rare pressure, 3d & 8, 2d series.   Got sealed-in, easy as pie, on the first CLE TD.    Took a stupid inside angle, 1st down & 10 mid 2Q, on a pitchout that went for 10 yards.  Got a slop stop, 8 yards downfield, on the 1st play of the 3Q.  On the very next play, got totally sucked in a reverse around his end.   Totally fooled and bamboozled on the bootleg right, throwback left for 31 yards in the 3Q.  Got another slop stop 12 yards downfield at 5:40 4Q.   Take away the slop stops, and he did jack shit nothing the entire game.    Sure as shit, though, Kevin Doltbert will rush out and lavish this stiff with a 5-year, $68M contract.   Most everyone believes Big LaMarr started loafing after his big contract, but if you go back and read my reports, LaMarr started loafing the entire season leading up to the fatty deal.    D+

Moats - got some PT and did very, very little.    C- 

Spence - good stick and wrap, early 2Q.   Had just 2 solos, which isn’t nearly enough for an ILB in this defense that is playing just about every snap.   Got victimized continually with over pursuit on outside zone plays.      C 

Jones - did not dress. 

Harrison - got plenty of snaps, but did little and didn’t even make it onto the stat sheet.     C

 

DB

Ike - did not dress.

Pola - flashed up and dropped RB for loss, 2nd play of game.   Appeared to lose Cameron on the boot-throwback play that went for 42 yards in the 2Q.   Active and effective in run support, but did nothing to prevent big completion after big completion.     C+

 

Mitchell – hey, he finally did something…!    Jarred ball loose for an inc pass, 2Q.   Bitchell jarred another ball loose for an inc, 3Q.   Took a stupid, brainless PI on a hurried 3rd down pass, late 3Q.  Forced a rare Stiller FF early in the 4Q on a lick to the RB, which was recovered by Cortazz Allen.    Never to be found on deep completions.      C

 

Gay  -  wasn’t abused as he often is.    B

 

Sharko Thomas – did not dress, due to the ham injury.

 

C. Allen -  Cortazz had a long, miserable afternoon.   Abused -- by a lumbering TE, no less -- for the long TD pass, 2Q.   Tooled and abused by Benjamin, early 3Q, on a 31-yard pass that hung in the air for, oh, about 6 seconds.    Flagged for a hold 3rd & G incomplete pass in the 4Q, thereby extending the drive.   Never once made a play on a ball in the air.    He sucks monkey ass, and badly.      F   

 

Spec teams:  

Wing – Poor hold on the 2nd FG try, which forced Suisham to hesitate and not get off the boot.   Dogshit, 35-yard punt in the 2Q.  Dogshit pooch punt, late 2Q, which was FC at the CLE 14.   Dogshit pooch punt, 3Q, that landed at the CLE 1 and gave the coverage team little chance to down, resulting in a touchback.   Piss fuking poor from a piss poor punter.  The piece of shit that he is, he finally got off a half-decent punt….on the game’s final play in which CLE didn’t even bother to field.  It rolled a bunch for a 70-yard punt that pads what otherwise are vomit-laden stats.     F

 

Suisham - Nailed his first FG.  Then, as he approached his 2nd FG boot, he inexplicably stopped at the last millisecond due to Wing’s bobble.   Wing had set the ball down, and at that point, Suisham might as well have taken a stab at the boot.    B

 

Archer –  slow, timid KO return to the 14 on opening KO.,   His 2nd KO return went much longer….all the way to his own 16.   For no apparent reason, the CLE kicker booted the ball out of the EZ on his next KO, which of course gave the Stillers far better FP than if Pee Pee were to return the ball.    Pee Pee’s 3rd KO return attempt went all the way…to the 18.   Pee Archer had a punt return late in the game, and gashed the CLE coverage for….zero yards…!   He’s just so fast and elusive…!    You do remember all the rave reviews after he was taken in the 3rd round, and the gushing and fawning by Doltbert and Dumblin….?      Where, praytell, is all the skill, speed, and prowess??     D-   

 

AB – did nothing in the punt return game, and even chickened out with a FC when he had half an acre to run.    

Blake - stupidly ran OOB, a la Troy Edwards, on punt coverage, drawing a flag.   Spence committed a false start on a Stillers punt, which is assaholically stupid.  

Ventrone, just signed a couple days ago, made a good stop in punt coverage.   Also chipped in on KO coverage.   Rather sad that a fellow just signed off the street 2 days ago is a better spec teamer than the entire roster. 

In keeping with the complete lack of coaching that permeates this team, Vinnie Williams chased down a CLE punt that was rolling around the PIT 3….and fielded it…!     For no reason whatsoever…!    Brilliant !  

 

OC:

Toddler Todd continued his mindless games of grab bag and grab ass.    There was nothing coherent in this game plan at all.    At no point in time did the Stillers attack the Browns.   Instead, they pawed and groped at them, moving the ball decently at times up to the RZ, and then completely pooping the bed soon thereafter.    Part of the problem was basing the entire 1H offense on Pinkie Wheaton, who happens to be, oh, the 4th or 5th most effective skill player at Ben’s disposal.  This is the classic case of Toddler Todd out-thinking himself like the dummy that he is.  

I despised the 1 & G sequence, 2d series, from the CLE 7.   Plunge, plunge, plunge, FG.     Ok, last week Haley was pass-happy in the RZ, so today he goes to the complete other side of the spectrum by going into a complete plunge-fest.   3d & goal on the 3-1/2 yard line needs to be a PAP (play action pass), not a mindless plunge.  

The 1Q ended with the Stiller offense in possession of the ball, and when the 2Q began, the offense, unbelievably, had to piss away a TO…!    Unreal.    Only the vast incompetence of Todd Gayley could create confusion out of a quarter intermission and then piss away a TO.  

1st & G at the CLE 1, 7:40 left in a 31-3 game.  Well shucks, let’s ram it in there for an easy plunge TD against a CLE defensive front that has been decimated by injury.  Wait, no…..let’s try a high risk pass that nearly gets picked off….!  Worse, the dead ball flag to Beacham sets the ball back to the CLE 16.   This has to be the only offense in the league capable of turning a 1 & G at the 1 into a 2 & G at the 16.  

Toddler Todd finally got on the scoreboard with a TD, in garbage time with 2:36 remaining.     

Perhaps the play that epitomized this goatfuck of an offense occurred on a 3d & 6 in the 2H.   Of the players in the pattern, slow, stumbling TE Matthew Spaeth was one of them.   Spaeth?   What in fuk’s name??    You’re down over 20 points, ya need 6 yards to move the sticks, and a pile o’ shit like Speath is out in the pass pattern?    What a fuking joke.   

This offense is a complete fuking mess, with very little hope In sight.       F-  

 

DC:  

After getting savagely ravaged by Hoyer and the Browns in the 2nd half of meeting #1 this season, you’d have figured Dick -- the esteemed genius that he supposedly  is -- would have scoured the tape and righted the ship.    And let’s not forget -- Josh Gordon is still not back in the Clev lineup, making this Clev offense a very drab, average offense.   Clev went ultra vanilla the first couple of series, losing more yards than they gained.    In the 2Q, however, Clev shucked the vanilla, and Dick stood by as helpless and hapless as the 1-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.   Dick basically bent over and got ass-raped in grisly fashion.  

It began on a 3d & 6 , for a cake-easy 17 yard completion.  Then Dick and his clever defense were totally bamboozled on a boot left, throwback right to a TE who had no one within 15 yards, good for 42 yards.   A play later, Dick’s Softee Defense caved in and allowed a walk-in TD.  

The next series saw Clev face a 3d and 1 at their 49, and then totally incinerate Dick’s defense with a PAP deep ball to a well open TE for a 51-yard TD play.  

On the next series, CLE starting center Alex Mack went down, mid 2Q, and was carted off the field with a broken leg.   He was replaced by guard John Greco, who had never, ever played a single game in his life at Center.  Didn’t matter, of course, as Dick had the ball jammed down his throat the ensuing 8 plays, giving up CLE’s 3rd TD of the game.   In fact, on the play that followed Mack’s injury, Dick got gashed for a 16-yard run.     During that drive, on a 3d & 2, late 2Q, CLE called a TO.  Coming out of that TO, Dick’s crew, disorganized and confused, followed Haley’s lead by pissing away a TO. 

Thanks to Dick’s ineptitude, CLE casually marched to the PIT 36 on the 2H opening drive, and then pooch punted and pinned the offense down on its own 5-yard line.   That-away to help erase that 21-3 deficit, Dick !! 

Dick and his crew were bamboozled AGAIN on a bootleg throwback in the 3Q, this time from right to left, good for 31 yards.   

Indicative of the fucking mess Dick himself has created, was a play in the 3Q.   Keisel was lined up as a stand-up ROLB, and looked confused as shit prior to the snap.   At the snap, he meekly dropped into coverage….covering NOBODY, especially with his 5.8 speed.   Worse, this resulted in a TWO-man rush.   Yup, a 2-man rush.   The whole Stiller fan base crashes down all over Toddler Todd, but often fails to see the absolute dereliction and stupidity of Dick The Dullard. 

In all, Dick allowed only 8 pass completions, but they went for a staggering 217 yards, a comfy 27 yards per completion.     All too reminiscent of the Timmy Teblow fiasco in Jan. 2012.   And let’s not forget -- Dick’s vaunted defense got gashed for 158 yards on the ground during this ass-drilling.   Heat on the QB?  NONE.  Harassment of the QB?   NONE.  Clever disguises?   NONE.   Pre-game preparation?  NONE.    In-game adjustments?   NONE.   Turnovers?   Just one.  But remember -- Dick is just so clever and diabolical…!     Clev receivers actually dropped a season-high 5 passes, or the stats and score would have been even worse.   If there is any good news to come out of this shit sandwich of a season, it’s that, game by game, Dick is getting more and more exposed as the daft , stubborn fool whom the game has clearly passed by.    Dick and his Softee DefenseTM sucks egg and sucks ass.     F-

 

HC:  Mike Dumblin again talked all sorts of macho bravado during the week.   Then his team listlessly goes out and gets their asses whipped in every phase of the game.   The defense is soft as moldy butter, and the offense is a complete chaotic train wreck.   And, of course, the old Tomlin staple of shit special teams continues to exist in every game, as it clearly did today.   But hey, surely Dumblin will be all proud that Tonio Brown extended his meaningless “NFL record” of 5 grabs over 50 yards.    Coach Dumblin is now 18-18 since the end of the ’12 season, which shows how mediocre this man truly is.    This listless, lifeless team is rudderless and aimless, and it all starts at the top with the complete lack of leadership, direction, and guidance.   If Dumblin’s seat isn’t becoming hot, it’s a travesty.    F-

 

Synopsis:

A shit effort by a shit team.  There’s no sense in sugarcoating.    Once adversity rode in, they laid down and gave up, like the chickenshit cowards this entire club has become.    This is a team that lost at home to bottom-feeder Tampa, and then had to struggle like little bitches to beat 0-4 Jax.   They  then play a critical division game against rival Clev and proceed to get their asses beaten beat-red by a mediocre Browns team.   There is no heart, there is no coaching leadership, and there is no player leadership.   Just a crew of 53 players and 15 coaches waddling about flapping their gums but doing very, very little on the gridiron.   You have to wonder if the TV networks are scrambling around, trying to back out of national TV appearances by these half-asses the next 3 weeks….? 

 

(Still Mill and Stillers.com -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close….)

Follow Mill on Twitter, at StillMill1

 

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